Giving wine as a teacher gift?

[LoveRules]

AIBU to think my DD (20) is right in her suggesting that to give wine or any alcohol as a thank you gift to someone you don't know very well eg teacher or colleague is irresponsible and inappropriate as they might be, unbeknownst to you, an alcoholic

My DP says this is ridiculous and any grown up including alcoholics would be able to cope with such a gift by passing it on etc. and should allowed to make their own decisions about their drinking as they manage to walk past booze in the supermarket every day if they are recovering alcoholics. So the odd gift of a bottle from one or several students or colleagues is acceptable.

AIBU in thinking he's not quite understood the challenges faced by recovering alcoholics

or

IAMBU he's right it's all totally fine?

I don't drink alcohol (just don't like it) and to be honest I can't really think of someone I can just "pass it on to".
I have friends/family who do drink but it wouldn't be convenient for me to send a bottle of wine to them (postal costs would be a lot).
I'd prefer a thank you card if I was a teacher.

It’s fine. I get quite a few bottles of wine even though I hate wine 🤣. Give it to an alcy family member lol.

Please do not give costa vouchers. Or spend money in costa. Or enter their premises! If you care anything for women with cancer

I could give chocolates & they could be diabetic, I could give wine & they might be an alcoholic. It’s easy to say thank you & pass both on.

I’m an addict in recovery. Myself and DH talk about things like this all the time. I would say don’t do it. You have no idea if they are an addict or whatever the reason might be for them not drinking. Also, as an addict, if someone gave me a bottle of the substance I was addicted to and trying to stay away from, it would be extremely hard to just ‘pass it on’.

All that aside, even if they’re not an addict, it’s things like giving people bottles of alcohol as presents that totally normalises drinking in our society. Fascinating when you’re on the other side of it and can see how things like this aren’t given a second thought to by someone without alcohol issues, but could mean potentially someone’s sobriety being compromised, at worst. At best it’s completely normalising drinking, and giving alcohol as a ‘present’.

I just ask them straight out in about November - "red, white, fizzy or something else? " It's a thank you not a surprise.

DD1 now in 6th Form and in all my years of buying gifts, I've only ever had one teacher say no - she asked for a book token so that's what she got.

But for some people a double mastectomy is a choice? My cousin chose to have one as his transition from female to male and it was life changing in a positive way.

on the other hand, my mum had a double mastectomy for cancer and that was a huge trauma for her. Sadly she didn’t make it.

something being a trauma for one group of people doesn’t stop it being a positive choice for others. It can be both.

I agree with the need to be sensitive about giving alcohol as a gift. A lot of people don't drink and I imagine that receiving a gift of booze if you're one of those people would be awkward and/or disappointing.

That said, we all receive gifts that we don't like from time to time. At least alcohol can be easily re-gifted.

I was thrilled when my kids’ school just started a money collection for teachers.

When my youngest was 6 I was one of the room parents (organizer of parties and gifts) and her teacher told me straight up she’d like the money and not a gift. I was happy to oblige! I did think she was a bit of a CF but I had a laugh about it with my partner room parent.

I tend to give an Amazon or Love to shop voucher.

People should give what they feel is appropriate. If the receiver doesn’t like it then they can pass it on.

but for the vast majority of people who have this operation it is a horrendous trauma. And for those who choose it, many are also left in pain and disabled too, and even if they are not, many come to regret it.

Promoting it as something to celebrate is sickening

Except for people who know Costa is owned by Coca Cola so would never go there...

I used to be gifted wine which I don’t drink so I used to then regift it at Christmas or give to family members. My local authority has now banned alcohol being given as gifts, if any parents hand it over then we need to politely decline it and point them in the direction of the new council policy.

I'm not an alcoholic, quite the opposite.

I really don't get why so many people give alcohol as presents to teachers. I don't like wine or spirits, I'd much rather have a tin of nice biscuits or a voucher for somewhere.

It would be gutting for me if 8/10 presents was alcohol. At least try to diversity so they get other stuff too!

Oh yes, because caffeinated beverages are top healthy living. Aside from the fact that £5/£10 wouldn't stretch far in Costa.

I agree with you. Even if they aren’t an alcoholic, they might not drink out of personal preference. Lots of other options as gifts.

The nicest thing for a teacher is a child made thank you card

Costa would be a waste of time for teachers near me. We don't have one for miles.

I too don't like giving alcohol.

I don't drink at all and would never want to re-gift alcohol. I have had to do this in the past and find it extremely uncomfortable.

I would say it is one of those gifts that you have to be sure the recipient would like.

I’d always do an M&S or John Lewis (/Waitrose) gift card, they can buy their own alcohol if they like.

Give teachers what they want. Give them booze. Teachers love booze. If they don’t they can take it to a party or give it as a gift or donate it to a raffle. I’d stick a Costa gift card in my purse and forget about it.

@PinkFizz1 that is exactly the point my DD was making that she didn't wish to be the one who risked someone breaking their sobriety so why not think of something non contentious to gift.

Please don’t choose Costa or Amazon for a voucher- surely most places have a local independent?
Gift vouchers, vouchers for afternoon teas or denominations- but other local places- for the garden centre or local wine merchant or book shop or florist or juice bar whatever? many places can make something up to your budget. Much better for your community and you can glow knowing you’ve made a more ethical purchase.

I wouldn’t buy wine unless I knew someone drank alcohol. I wouldn’t want to cause offence by giving to someone in recovery or someone whose religious beliefs it went against. I think in those circumstances chocolate or some food would be best.

My son is severly disabled and in a PMLD class. Usually I give teachers, TA's and carers...... Wine, chocolate, a candle and hand cream.

All needed for coping with my kid !!!

If they are alcoholics, diabetics, fond on bland smelling dark or like hands of sandpaper after washing them constantly...... then I trust them to hand them over elsewhere