Giving wine as a teacher gift?

[LoveRules]

AIBU to think my DD (20) is right in her suggesting that to give wine or any alcohol as a thank you gift to someone you don't know very well eg teacher or colleague is irresponsible and inappropriate as they might be, unbeknownst to you, an alcoholic

My DP says this is ridiculous and any grown up including alcoholics would be able to cope with such a gift by passing it on etc. and should allowed to make their own decisions about their drinking as they manage to walk past booze in the supermarket every day if they are recovering alcoholics. So the odd gift of a bottle from one or several students or colleagues is acceptable.

AIBU in thinking he's not quite understood the challenges faced by recovering alcoholics

or

IAMBU he's right it's all totally fine?

Exactly. This attitude is why I just don't give things anymore...

Alcohol's an odd gift if you don't know whether the person drinks or not. Bit of a waste of money, potentially.

As a sober alcoholic it totally depends on the person! Ive been gifted alcohol and passed it on without worry, but have also been gifted alcohol and been upset because it was expensive and they’d spent money on it and I felt guilty that I had to give it to someone else. Never been enough for me to relapse but still caused some emotional issues around it with guilt and shame.

It’s safer not to buy them alcohol if you’ve never spoken to them about if they drink etc. if they are an active alcoholic, and unaware they have a problem, then you buying them alcohol doesn’t make /much/ of a difference because they’ve made no decision to stop and would drink anyway. That said, since getting sober I’ve stopped buying all alcoholic gifts because it’s a poison and literally the worst thing to get some imo! You’re basically gifting them a headache and dehydration 😂

We don’t have that at my school!

Even for moderate drinkers, the safe amount to drink to not increase risk of cancer is half a pint / one small wine a year.
As well as that, alcohol is a grade 1 carcinogen and causes cancer at the same level as cigarettes, whether you are a social drinker (aka same amount as a social smoker) moderate drinker, or daily drinker.

I personally think that alone makes alcohol as a gift rubbish, whether the person is alcoholic or not.

And it’s up to you to assume whether you know how much someone drinks in the privacy of their own home, and if you want to encourage and promote drinking / having bottles of alcohol at home as a normality. I personally wouldn’t take the risk, because what I see and know about someone from a distance, especially an acquaintance like a teacher, may be completely different to their actual situation.

I'm a teetotal teacher and find wine so disappointing. Luckily, my students tend to ask what I like before buying - very much appreciated - gifts.

I like a card/note best tbh.

If your DC's teacher is Muslim they won't drink the wine. I always gift an Amazon voucher. Simply because they have so much choice. I was a teacher for almost 25 years and tbh I got gifted 3 or 4 bottles of wine every year. Most of it went in gravy but I did get a few decent to drink bottles. I just smiled and accepted them graciously especially because the students had often bought it themselves so Hardy's. I did get an amazing cheese platter once though.

When DD was in primary school, she had a really great male teacher & I wanted to get him something extra nice to say thank you for being so supportive of all of us. I asked the TA if the teacher drank & she said he did so I got some locally brewed beer & he was chuffed to bits with it.

Costa is poor with allergies too. Almost everything is cross contaminated. That said, I don't drink wine so I'd just regift it if I got some. I've only ever received a gift from students once (it was wine and chocolate).

I feel so saddened by the amount of people talking about ‘they will NEED wine to cope with my child!’

alcoholism within teaching is an absolutely huge issue. I know so many teachers who can’t get through their evening marking without a bottle of wine, or the amount who say ‘once I’ve had a bottle of wine I’ll feel better!’ or are just living for the weekend/that Friday night. It’s so saddening that we feel that numbing out is a satisfying form of living. It is so normal to drink 10 units (bottle of wine) a night or more.

it also gives the message to our children that people who work hard drink more, or when we have had difficult times alcohol is a solution, or that our children are so challenging, difficult to deal with, so unenjoyable to be around that their adults need to drink to deal with them. Mummy wine culture really needs to change xx

I’m a teacher who can’t drink alcohol for health reasons and just politely thank people for bottles of wine which then get passed on to friends/relatives. As a result I’m very careful with gifts for my kids’ teachers - I never gift wine myself, or chocolate for that matter in case they’re dairy-free/dieting (except where my kids have told me their teachers love chocolate). A card with a thoughtful note of thanks is honestly the best gift, and apart from that ask my kids for suggestions of what they think their teacher would like (they’ve come up with some really thoughtful things).

Amazon is a pretty toxic business.

If they don't want the voucher they can pass it on. They have lots of choice and in schools I've taught in they have always been well received as they can be put towards a bigger gift.

It's a gesture. The person can pass it on or throw it away if they don't like it.

Lots of things could be contentious.

All the teachers I know feed homemade stuff to the birds/foxes. They've seen too many kids with poor hygiene. 😅

My former colleague Cassim who was a beard wearing Muslim used to pass on the wine, and the aftershave! He laughed about it, but I thought it showed a lack of consideration.

If I were a teacher, I would hate to think that anyone was giving a £10 gift to me this much headspace.
Just a thought - do the dads get this overwrought about teacher gifts?
Surely a card and 'Thanks for all you've done this term' is sufficient.

Parents often don't have time to consider a gift though. I used to buy 4 of the same thing and be done with it. I wanted to make a gesture as I appreciated them but just didn't have the time to put much thought into it. That's often life for parents of young kids.

@PinkFizz1 I'm like that when I'm given chocolates or cakes. Afraid I won't be able to stop myself eating them. And yet people often give chocolates too!

@PinkFizz1 but then again I am not very open without people about the fact I'm recovering from an ED. Most people wouldn't find chocolate triggering they can enjoy in moderation. One bite and I just crave more and more. There are even 12 steps movements that call what psychiatrists define as Binge Eating Disorder " Food Addiction. " I don't believe it's a chemical dependency in same way alcoholism and drug abuse are, I think it's more a coping mechanism and a form of self harm. But I think there is a physical aspect to it. It seems disproportionately common in women with hormonal imbalances like PCOS, I find that interesting.

I am a teacher and did actually used to have a very problematic relationship with alcohol. One year I was given about 10 bottles of wine and they were all gone in about a week. I don't drink anymore and just give it away if I'm ever given booze.

The thing is, as a gift giver myself, I would want to make sure that the teacher I'm buying for would actually like the gift I'm giving them. I wouldn't buy something if I thought 'oh they can just regift it if they don't drink'.

I also have a colleague who is a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol almost destroyed her life and she very nearly lost her job over it. I dont think the parents are aware, but I do worry about her around gift giving seasons. It just takes one drink and she is back to square one.

Generally, I'm sure it's fine, on the whole. I just prefer to avoid it myself.

I've an overeating problem and put chocolates straight into the staffroom to share.

That would be the perfect solution.

It's not just that. It's about where I live and where I go. I don't go to Costa, its not convenient.

This.