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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Giving wine as a teacher gift?

217 replies

LoveRules · 07/10/2023 20:49

AIBU to think my DD (20) is right in her suggesting that to give wine or any alcohol as a thank you gift to someone you don't know very well eg teacher or colleague is irresponsible and inappropriate as they might be, unbeknownst to you, an alcoholic

My DP says this is ridiculous and any grown up including alcoholics would be able to cope with such a gift by passing it on etc. and should allowed to make their own decisions about their drinking as they manage to walk past booze in the supermarket every day if they are recovering alcoholics. So the odd gift of a bottle from one or several students or colleagues is acceptable.

AIBU in thinking he's not quite understood the challenges faced by recovering alcoholics

or

IAMBU he's right it's all totally fine?

OP posts:
GiraffeLaSophie · 07/10/2023 21:49

Threads like this always show how much personal preference there is in gifting.

There have been a couple of things mentioned on here that I wouldn’t ever choose/use, but I personally would be perfectly happy with a bottle of wine or a voucher for John Lewis, Amazon, etc. I don’t drive, so I’d rather not have a voucher for somewhere that I have to spend in person. It’s also worth bearing in mind that teachers don’t necessarily live in or close to the towns they teach in, so a voucher for an independent place close to the school might not be the best option.

PinkFizz1 · 07/10/2023 21:52

Moomieboo · 07/10/2023 21:41

My son is severly disabled and in a PMLD class. Usually I give teachers, TA's and carers...... Wine, chocolate, a candle and hand cream.

All needed for coping with my kid !!!

If they are alcoholics, diabetics, fond on bland smelling dark or like hands of sandpaper after washing them constantly...... then I trust them to hand them over elsewhere

If they are alcoholics, then I trust them to hand them over elsewhere

Shit like this makes my blood boil. Not only would you not be horrified at giving an alcoholic a bottle of alcohol, thus compromising their sobriety, but you’d trust them to just ‘hand it over’ No bloody idea.

1month · 07/10/2023 21:54

I think it’s fine, as they can always regift it.

In my DDs school we did vouchers and all put in £5 in, which with 30 students was £100 for the teacher and £50 for the TA.

1month · 07/10/2023 21:55

I think the vouchers were something like love2shop ones, which can be used in multiple places.

kitsuneghost · 07/10/2023 21:55

It's a bit stereotypey

Blanketpolicy · 07/10/2023 21:55

You will not be able to find a single gift that someone won't find an issue with.

A bottle of wine is inoffensive, they will be used to receiving them and will regift if not appropriate. Remember it is the thought that counts not the actual gift.

BoomBoom0 · 07/10/2023 21:56

50 quids for the TA? They work very hard and are paid less than a teacher, I'd have given them the same amount.

Universalsnail · 07/10/2023 21:57

You are not unreasonable your DP is unreasonable and doesn't seem to understand alcoholism

Being gifted a bottle could absolutely trigger someone into relapse. It's inconsiderate if you don't know someone

flowertreesgrass · 07/10/2023 21:57

Just saying diabetics can eat chocolate 🥳

BoomBoom0 · 07/10/2023 21:58

Alcohol is literally poison, it's disgusting and ruins lives.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 07/10/2023 21:58

You will never find a gift that someone doesn’t like or want for one reason or another. The best you can hope for is something most people would enjoy or be able to reuse in some fashion.

I wouldn’t give a bottle of wine to someone if I strongly suspected it was against their religion or was in recovery. But absent of any inside knowledge it’s fine.

gotomomo · 07/10/2023 21:59

I think vouchers aren't good unless they cover the full cost of 2 people!

Wine is fine, you can give it away

saltinesandcoffeecups · 07/10/2023 21:59

flowertreesgrass · 07/10/2023 21:57

Just saying diabetics can eat chocolate 🥳

What about binge eaters?

piintheski · 07/10/2023 22:01

Blanketpolicy · 07/10/2023 21:55

You will not be able to find a single gift that someone won't find an issue with.

A bottle of wine is inoffensive, they will be used to receiving them and will regift if not appropriate. Remember it is the thought that counts not the actual gift.

well, that is not true, that a bottle of wine is inoffensive, is it! And alcohol in a school is always problematic.

I don't drink, so I don't want it. And I cycle to school, so I can't carry it home.

I would have to find a colleague prepared to take it - one with a car. I did have a colleague I always passed wine to, but he has left now, so I would be well and truly stuck if some one gives me a bottle this year

Not as offensive to me personally as a costa voucher, which I would tear up.

But difficult and inconvieiant to me, certainly

Moonlight222 · 07/10/2023 22:01

As a TA (new) I can’t drink due to medication, I do however love a handmade card which my class did for my birthday

xyz111 · 07/10/2023 22:03

I wouldn't personally like it as I don't drink. I'd buy something a bit more neutral, but that's difficult! I wouldn't be offended or annoyed though with an alcoholic gift, I'd just give it to someone else.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 07/10/2023 22:03

piintheski · 07/10/2023 22:01

well, that is not true, that a bottle of wine is inoffensive, is it! And alcohol in a school is always problematic.

I don't drink, so I don't want it. And I cycle to school, so I can't carry it home.

I would have to find a colleague prepared to take it - one with a car. I did have a colleague I always passed wine to, but he has left now, so I would be well and truly stuck if some one gives me a bottle this year

Not as offensive to me personally as a costa voucher, which I would tear up.

But difficult and inconvieiant to me, certainly

Show quote history

Then throw it away. It’s a bottle of wine FFS, not the hope diamond or nuclear waste.

piintheski · 07/10/2023 22:03

Thinking about it, if I am given wine this year and can't find anyone to take it off my hands, it would have to be poured down the drain - I would not be allowed to leave it unsupervised in the school in case I found someone to take it at a later date

Fahdidahlia · 07/10/2023 22:04

FFS. Any gift fundamentally given as a sign of appreciation should be taken as such unless any more information is commonly known. Don't like it. Pass it on.

JudgeJ · 07/10/2023 22:04

Caffeinequeen91 · 07/10/2023 21:00

Wine is fine. Teachers will pass it on to another member of staff in school if they’re not a drinker. Or take it along to a friend’s house etc.

I used to work with a lovely teacher who for religious reasons didn't drink or celebrate Christmas but when he was given Christmas cards, beer, wine he simply thanked the giver, he said it would be churlish not to. If asked by pupils he would explain about Christmas but assure them that his children didn't miss out on presents!

Cranberriesandtea · 07/10/2023 22:04

I sincerely hope my child's teacher isn't an alcoholic Confused

piintheski · 07/10/2023 22:06

Cranberriesandtea · 07/10/2023 22:04

I sincerely hope my child's teacher isn't an alcoholic Confused

nothing to do with you if they are

OTM1982 · 07/10/2023 22:09

BoomBoom0 · 07/10/2023 21:58

Alcohol is literally poison, it's disgusting and ruins lives.

🙄

HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/10/2023 22:09

I live next door to a teacher. She gives me all the end of term wine, gin, cocktails etc. In my opinion...Give the teacher the booze.

In her opinion, it isn't the best choice.

JudgeJ · 07/10/2023 22:11

Hiddenvoice · 07/10/2023 21:17

I used to be gifted wine which I don’t drink so I used to then regift it at Christmas or give to family members. My local authority has now banned alcohol being given as gifts, if any parents hand it over then we need to politely decline it and point them in the direction of the new council policy.

I wonder if that daft rule also applies to Councillors receiving alcohol from various sources as gifts, won't be holding my breath.