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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Giving wine as a teacher gift?

217 replies

LoveRules · 07/10/2023 20:49

AIBU to think my DD (20) is right in her suggesting that to give wine or any alcohol as a thank you gift to someone you don't know very well eg teacher or colleague is irresponsible and inappropriate as they might be, unbeknownst to you, an alcoholic

My DP says this is ridiculous and any grown up including alcoholics would be able to cope with such a gift by passing it on etc. and should allowed to make their own decisions about their drinking as they manage to walk past booze in the supermarket every day if they are recovering alcoholics. So the odd gift of a bottle from one or several students or colleagues is acceptable.

AIBU in thinking he's not quite understood the challenges faced by recovering alcoholics

or

IAMBU he's right it's all totally fine?

OP posts:
Wishihadanalgorithm · 08/10/2023 14:22

Where I work everyone drives in and I think this has been the case at my previous schools. Haven’t worked in an inner city school though - plants and flowers are no more difficult to transport than a breakable bottle of wine surely?

piintheski · 08/10/2023 14:25

Wishihadanalgorithm · 08/10/2023 14:22

Where I work everyone drives in and I think this has been the case at my previous schools. Haven’t worked in an inner city school though - plants and flowers are no more difficult to transport than a breakable bottle of wine surely?

That is what I am saying. I can't transport wine, and would not be allowed to leave it unsupervised at school, so if there were no immediate takers, it would have to go straight down the drain.

I can't transport flowers or plants either - I guess they would just sit around in the staffroom

Just give me a thoughtful homemade card and note please! Or an email that will brighten my day!

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 08/10/2023 14:31

As a teacher, I massively appreciate the parents who give alcohol as gifts! Always my very favourites!

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 08/10/2023 14:32

Also doesn’t literally every school in the world have a staff room and lockable cupboards/storage for teachers? I’ve been brought wine by the headteacher before and simply locked it in my area at school. Odd comments above.

Macaroni46 · 08/10/2023 14:34

dortisa · 07/10/2023 20:52

YANBU I’m with you and DD on this.

Same goes for food, really

I’d give a nice £5/10 Costa voucher. Everyone can find something to have from there!

Sorry but as a former teacher I'd hate a Costa voucher! Much prefer wine

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 14:40

Thiswayorthatway · 07/10/2023 20:53

What if they don’t like Costa?

How can you not like "Costa"?

It's like not liking Sainsbury's.

You could surely find something to spend £5 or £10 in Costa.

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 14:43

Turmerictolly · 07/10/2023 23:32

Surely an innocuous m n s voucher would be best. They can buy whatever they like then, be it alcohol, clothes, food, socks whatever.

What if they don't like M&S? Or can't transport M&S items?

Better give them hard cash.

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 14:46

piintheski · 07/10/2023 22:01

well, that is not true, that a bottle of wine is inoffensive, is it! And alcohol in a school is always problematic.

I don't drink, so I don't want it. And I cycle to school, so I can't carry it home.

I would have to find a colleague prepared to take it - one with a car. I did have a colleague I always passed wine to, but he has left now, so I would be well and truly stuck if some one gives me a bottle this year

Not as offensive to me personally as a costa voucher, which I would tear up.

But difficult and inconvieiant to me, certainly

Show quote history

Maybe someone could buy you a basket for your bike.

Then next year they could buy you some wine and you could carry it.

MrsPuddle · 08/10/2023 14:46

I was always given wine, year after year and much as I love the thought behind it, I don’t drink!

all wine went to hubby and I was left longing for flowers.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 08/10/2023 14:47

@MasterBeth, you'd be surprised. I've had a Costa voucher kikckivg around since last Christmas . I'm allergic to coffee; don't driibk milky drinks. I suppose I could go for a sandwhich and a fruit juice, but it's nit the nicest for these.

piintheski · 08/10/2023 14:48

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 08/10/2023 14:32

Also doesn’t literally every school in the world have a staff room and lockable cupboards/storage for teachers? I’ve been brought wine by the headteacher before and simply locked it in my area at school. Odd comments above.

why is it odd. I have told you how it is. I have no lockable cupboard and I am not allowed to leave wine unattended.

Every year I am given wine, and every year I passed it directly to my colleague who locked it in his car and disposed of it for me. He no longer works here, so next wine is likely to go down the sink, if I can't find a taker with a car

that is how it is

Whysolon · 08/10/2023 14:48

I have a great relationship with our teachers and know they like booze so do give it. It is greatly appreciated.

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 14:49

piintheski · 07/10/2023 21:20

The nicest thing for a teacher is a child made thank you card

Most cards made by children are not sustainable. Plastic felt tips. Glitter. etc.

cosypompoms · 08/10/2023 14:49

Basically I think any teacher gift that isn't wine is ridiculous

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/10/2023 14:52

When I was a teacher I gratefully accepted gifts of wine. I probably wouldn't have got round to using a Costa voucher.

cardibach · 08/10/2023 14:58

piintheski · 07/10/2023 22:12

Id just rip it up

Show quote history

Wouldn’t that just increase their profits? They’ve had the money and don’t have to supply any goods?

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 14:59

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 08/10/2023 14:47

@MasterBeth, you'd be surprised. I've had a Costa voucher kikckivg around since last Christmas . I'm allergic to coffee; don't driibk milky drinks. I suppose I could go for a sandwhich and a fruit juice, but it's nit the nicest for these.

Apologies. I forgot how precious Mumsnetters can be about perfectly normal things like sandwiches and drinks.

Username620 · 08/10/2023 15:06

PinkFizz1 · 07/10/2023 21:12

I’m an addict in recovery. Myself and DH talk about things like this all the time. I would say don’t do it. You have no idea if they are an addict or whatever the reason might be for them not drinking. Also, as an addict, if someone gave me a bottle of the substance I was addicted to and trying to stay away from, it would be extremely hard to just ‘pass it on’.

All that aside, even if they’re not an addict, it’s things like giving people bottles of alcohol as presents that totally normalises drinking in our society. Fascinating when you’re on the other side of it and can see how things like this aren’t given a second thought to by someone without alcohol issues, but could mean potentially someone’s sobriety being compromised, at worst. At best it’s completely normalising drinking, and giving alcohol as a ‘present’.

I too am an addict. My work gave everyone a bottle of champagne last Christmas. It’s still in my cupboard at work because I don’t want to bring it home to pass on. I’m scared I will drink it as it is a special one that I have always wanted to try.
I have been dry for 14 months now and I find it irresponsible just handing out alcohol to people. I’m not pious when it comes to drinking, most of my friends drink around me. Plus more and more people are making the lifestyle choice not to drink any more.

TheKeatingFive · 08/10/2023 15:06

As I think this thread illustrates perfectly, no matter what you give, somebody, somewhere will be able to pick holes in it. So do what you want. You can't please all of the people all of the time.

MumW · 08/10/2023 15:17

My daughters have always made cakes.
We did try and find out if there were any dietary requirements so they have had to learn to make both gluten free and vegan cakes along the way.

cardibach · 08/10/2023 15:18

Wishihadanalgorithm · 08/10/2023 14:22

Where I work everyone drives in and I think this has been the case at my previous schools. Haven’t worked in an inner city school though - plants and flowers are no more difficult to transport than a breakable bottle of wine surely?

Of course they are. Wine bottles aren’t particularly fragile. Whatever back pack or other bag was used to get belongings to school will be fine - shove the bottle in. Not so with a plant that actually is fragile and which has soil that can spill, or delicate bunches of flowers: they have to be carefully carried in the hands.

cardibach · 08/10/2023 15:23

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 14:59

Apologies. I forgot how precious Mumsnetters can be about perfectly normal things like sandwiches and drinks.

Show quote history

It’s not being precious to dislike things. I do like coffee and cake, and I’m not fussy about my sarnies either. I only really go into Costa at service stations when travelling though. They just aren’t my favourite - and as I get coffee and cake out as a bit of a treat I’m inclined to go somewhere with a nice atmosphere and a bit of style. The fact the voucher made it a freebie would be a bit irrelevant.
Plus several posters have explained ethical objections they have to Costa (you not sharing those doesn’t make them less valid to those posters).

cardibach · 08/10/2023 15:25

MumW · 08/10/2023 15:17

My daughters have always made cakes.
We did try and find out if there were any dietary requirements so they have had to learn to make both gluten free and vegan cakes along the way.

Many teachers would be unlikely to eat a homemade gift as there’s no way of knowing the hygiene levels involved (I’m not one of them, I love a home made cake, but it’s still a factor).

crazyBadger · 08/10/2023 15:27

DD teacher makes things easier by saying to the boys she likes cards or drawings the best.... followed by pink wine :)

MasterBeth · 08/10/2023 15:57

cardibach · 08/10/2023 15:23

It’s not being precious to dislike things. I do like coffee and cake, and I’m not fussy about my sarnies either. I only really go into Costa at service stations when travelling though. They just aren’t my favourite - and as I get coffee and cake out as a bit of a treat I’m inclined to go somewhere with a nice atmosphere and a bit of style. The fact the voucher made it a freebie would be a bit irrelevant.
Plus several posters have explained ethical objections they have to Costa (you not sharing those doesn’t make them less valid to those posters).

Show quote history

It's being precious to reject a Costa gift card because Costa coffee isn't your favourite coffee.

You've just said "I only really go into Costa at service stations when travelling". So why not use the card then?