Page 5 | Giving wine as a teacher gift?

LoveRules · 2023-10-07T19:49:12+00:00

AIBU to think my DD (20) is right in her suggesting that to give wine or any alcohol as a thank you gift to someone you don't know very well eg teacher or colleague is irresponsible and inappropriate as they might be, unbeknownst to you, an alcoholic My DP says this is ridiculous and any grown up including alcoholics would be able to cope with such a gift by passing it on etc. and should allowed to make their own decisions about their drinking as they manage to walk past booze in the supermarket every day if they are recovering alcoholics. So the odd gift of a bottle from one or several students or colleagues is acceptable. AIBU in thinking he's not quite understood the challenges faced by recovering alcoholics or IAMBU he's right it's all totally fine?

PinkFizz1 · 07/10/2023 23:10

piesforever · 07/10/2023 22:39

Always gave wine. Teachers just swap it if they are not a drinker, like you would with a secret Santa type situation.

And what if they’re in recovery?

Blanketpolicy · 07/10/2023 23:24

PinkFizz1 · 07/10/2023 23:06

Can I just say I am so fucking SICK of people on this thread saying stupid things like “If they’re an alcoholic I trust them to pass it on/If they don’t drink it’s easy enough to give away”

Fuck me. I’m two years into sobriety, I would be absolutely horrified if someone gave me a ‘gift’ of the one thing I work my arse off every single day to abstain from and then be so unbelievably ignorant that they think it’s easy enough to just pass on.

Educate your damn selves about this. Don’t give alcohol as a ‘gift’. At worst it could compromise someone’s sobriety, (which is the single most precious thing to them let me tell you) and at best it’s normalising giving alcohol as gifts.

Would you give them a 20 pack of Marlboro? No, because it’s totally inappropriate and shouldn’t be promoted. Anyone with an ounce of decency knows that. So why is alcohol any different?

Well done on your sobriety.

It is not comparable to cigarettes, any cigarettes are harmful but alcohol can be enjoyed by most when drank responsibily. If someone knew about your issues with alcohol if would be very inappropriate, but where do we stop? Dont give chocolates incase someone has an eating disorder, dont stick a scratch card onto a gift incase they are a gambling addict? Dont give perfume incase they are allergic?

Alcohol is a very popular gifting item that many enjoy both giving and receiving, especially this time of year and that wont, and shouldn't change.

Torganer · 07/10/2023 23:27

Well it looks like you can’t buy anything without someone being offended. I wouldn’t use a Costa voucher (love coffee, hate Costa), I may not drink the wine someone has given me (love wine, but only certain ones). Would hate to give someone stationary for the school as that’s not really a present to the teacher (donate to the school if you’re concerned about the lack of resources). Sweet things are out in case people can’t eat sweet things (again, I can’t stand them, don’t have a sweet tooth).

A card is lovely, especially with something personal as to how they have helped your child. I would love to give my nursery teacher something extra as I don’t think they are paid that well - despite the crazy fees. I bought some biscuits and fruit to share and an M&S voucher for the key worker as the M&S is near to the nursery, and thought they could gift it if they wouldn’t use it. I would just give cash as I think it’s more useful, but unsure if that’s allowed.

I don’t want to give stuff like mugs or other physical things that people won’t use and just leads to waste so something consumable would be a preference. But, as you can see it’s a minefield!!

Turmerictolly · 07/10/2023 23:32

Surely an innocuous m n s voucher would be best. They can buy whatever they like then, be it alcohol, clothes, food, socks whatever.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz12 · 07/10/2023 23:44

Sorry but personally think your DD is being OTT. You can't know the ins and outs of everyone's lives, I would HATE a £5 Costa voucher as I can't stand coffee and most of the food is far too sugary for a diabetic, but it's too cheap to regift, At least with wine I can give it away or take it to a dinner party if I don't want it

Maddy70 · 07/10/2023 23:45

Giving crack is inappropriate. Wine is perfectly acceptable (and welcomed )

Millybob · 08/10/2023 00:07

Even before the mastectomy nonsense, a Costa card was a dreadful gift - horrible coffee, and why support a chain that is pushing independents off the high street?
Now it's buying into their deeply offensive wokery.

flowertreesgrass · 08/10/2023 07:29

@saltinesandcoffeecups haha... absolutely

megletthesecond · 08/10/2023 07:38

Yanbu. Really poor giving alcohol. People drink too much already. Although it can be frozen for cooking.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 08/10/2023 07:47

DM is a recovering alcoholic, has been for 45 years. When she was working, everyone got a half case of wine for Christmas. Her boss got the wine from M&S, so she could go and exchange it for some clothes. No idea why they didn't just do M&S vouchers.

You can't please everyone, all of the time. I'm allergic to coffee and don't like milky drinks. I've a Costa voucher that has been in my purse since last Christmas. Most people would surely appreciate the gift-giving and pass on anything inappropriate?

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 08/10/2023 07:59

1month · 07/10/2023 21:55

I think the vouchers were something like love2shop ones, which can be used in multiple places.

Any time I get one, I give it away. Very long winded process to use one (for me anyway! Husband who received it said the same).

It's impossible to please anyone. Give them home baking, it will go in the bin. Home crafting also 😂

GiraffeLaSophie · 08/10/2023 08:08

PinkFizz1 · 07/10/2023 23:06

Can I just say I am so fucking SICK of people on this thread saying stupid things like “If they’re an alcoholic I trust them to pass it on/If they don’t drink it’s easy enough to give away”

Fuck me. I’m two years into sobriety, I would be absolutely horrified if someone gave me a ‘gift’ of the one thing I work my arse off every single day to abstain from and then be so unbelievably ignorant that they think it’s easy enough to just pass on.

Educate your damn selves about this. Don’t give alcohol as a ‘gift’. At worst it could compromise someone’s sobriety, (which is the single most precious thing to them let me tell you) and at best it’s normalising giving alcohol as gifts.

Would you give them a 20 pack of Marlboro? No, because it’s totally inappropriate and shouldn’t be promoted. Anyone with an ounce of decency knows that. So why is alcohol any different?

There’s nothing wrong with giving alcohol as a gift to people who aren’t alcoholics. Most people drink in moderation and I’d rather give someone a nice bottle of wine that they will enjoy than some form of tat that will clutter up their house or end up in landfill.

I would have assumed that the majority of alcoholics would be able to pass on an unopened bottle of wine to a colleague in a school setting, or just leave it in the staff room with a post it note attached. That seems very different to having alcohol in your house, or being poured a drink by a well meaning person at a wedding. Perhaps I am wrong, but I don’t think that makes me or anyone else on here who has said similar ignorant. I don’t know any alcoholics (or at least not well) so it’s not something I’ve ever had a conversation about.

PinkFizz1 · 08/10/2023 08:32

GiraffeLaSophie · 08/10/2023 08:08

There’s nothing wrong with giving alcohol as a gift to people who aren’t alcoholics. Most people drink in moderation and I’d rather give someone a nice bottle of wine that they will enjoy than some form of tat that will clutter up their house or end up in landfill.

I would have assumed that the majority of alcoholics would be able to pass on an unopened bottle of wine to a colleague in a school setting, or just leave it in the staff room with a post it note attached. That seems very different to having alcohol in your house, or being poured a drink by a well meaning person at a wedding. Perhaps I am wrong, but I don’t think that makes me or anyone else on here who has said similar ignorant. I don’t know any alcoholics (or at least not well) so it’s not something I’ve ever had a conversation about.

Show quote history

There’s nothing wrong with giving alcohol as a gift to people who aren’t alcoholics.

But that’s the point, you have no idea if people are or not. People wouldn’t know I am in recovery. It’s just best all round not to give alcohol as gifts.

I would have assumed that the majority of alcoholics would be able to pass on an unopened bottle of wine…I don’t know any alcoholics

See this, this here is totally ignorant.

phoenixrosehere · 08/10/2023 08:45

Turmerictolly · 07/10/2023 23:32

Surely an innocuous m n s voucher would be best. They can buy whatever they like then, be it alcohol, clothes, food, socks whatever.

Agree.

I think it’s odd to give alcohol as a gift in the first place to people you don’t know very well on the assumption that they will drink it and if they don’t, they must have someone to pass it on to. Add in how do you even know what type of alcohol they prefer.

It’s not a thoughtful gift unless you know the person. I would definitely prefer an M&S voucher or anything where my options are severely limited than a bottle of alcohol that I’m not going to ever drink and have to hold on to until I find someone to take it. DH may have it but with me, it’s always been an alcohol that he won’t touch like Prosecco or Rosé. Even more annoying, it’s usually by family members who have known me for years and should know by now I don’t drink.

GiraffeLaSophie · 08/10/2023 08:47

PinkFizz1 · 08/10/2023 08:32

There’s nothing wrong with giving alcohol as a gift to people who aren’t alcoholics.

But that’s the point, you have no idea if people are or not. People wouldn’t know I am in recovery. It’s just best all round not to give alcohol as gifts.

I would have assumed that the majority of alcoholics would be able to pass on an unopened bottle of wine…I don’t know any alcoholics

See this, this here is totally ignorant.

Show quote history

I am talking about people I know. You seemed to be implying that we shouldn’t buy alcohol for anyone, regardless of whether or not they’re an alcoholic.

Well if you mean ignorant in the sense of not knowing much about alcoholism then yes, I suppose I am. None of my family members or close friends are alcoholics, and it’s not something I am required to have knowledge about for my job. I have made it quite clear in that post that this was my assumption though, it’s not like I’m claiming a fact.

You have missed out quite a large chunk of my post to make your point though. So maybe it wasn’t a great point.

apric0t · 08/10/2023 10:10

I don't drink alcohol, don't enjoy it never had and at work we used to always get an expensive bottle of champagne as a bonus and I could never enjoy it, such a worthless gift for me.

Quisquam · 08/10/2023 10:17

SIL was a primary teacher. She didn’t like chocolate or 30 mugs for a teacher, etc. She really appreciated a bottle of wine, as a gift. She and BIL entertained frequently.

onanotherday · 08/10/2023 10:51

Teacher here, always thrilled by any gift. But even more pleased by more personal gifts... I wear a lot of bold jewellery (cheap!!) Or scarfs..Nice smellies ...book token, always need pens/stationery..a card with a nice comment..I have some still going back 30 years!! But I would hate the idea that in this time e of austerity, anyone spent money they didn't have...

movinghouse23 · 08/10/2023 11:08

This thread is just ridiculous. Just buy a bottle of wine and don't give it another thought.

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 08/10/2023 13:50

there are risks in all areas of live and virtually every single thing will have a negative impact on somebody! Because trauma / addiction / intolerances etc are very individual. But that doesn’t mean that an immediate blanket ban should apply to everyone!

that is massively disproportionate and an insane way to live.

it is not other people’s responsibility to manage other peoples struggles. Especially when it is something done with kindness and good intentions.

it’s not ignorance. It’s reality. My life has been full of trauma, my childhood was fucking awful in many ways. I spend my adult life supporting an alcoholic and people being drunk freaks me out due to this. But that is not other peoples cross to bear - those are my issues which I need to process and manage.

MankyMinge · 08/10/2023 13:59

I agree with your DD. Also some people are morally against drink, sometimes it's a religious or cultural thing or may be they lived with an alcoholic. Unless you know that the teacher enjoys a glass of wine better get them something else.

MankyMinge · 08/10/2023 14:06

PinkFizz1 · 07/10/2023 23:06

Can I just say I am so fucking SICK of people on this thread saying stupid things like “If they’re an alcoholic I trust them to pass it on/If they don’t drink it’s easy enough to give away”

Fuck me. I’m two years into sobriety, I would be absolutely horrified if someone gave me a ‘gift’ of the one thing I work my arse off every single day to abstain from and then be so unbelievably ignorant that they think it’s easy enough to just pass on.

Educate your damn selves about this. Don’t give alcohol as a ‘gift’. At worst it could compromise someone’s sobriety, (which is the single most precious thing to them let me tell you) and at best it’s normalising giving alcohol as gifts.

Would you give them a 20 pack of Marlboro? No, because it’s totally inappropriate and shouldn’t be promoted. Anyone with an ounce of decency knows that. So why is alcohol any different?

Agree 100% . congratulations on your sobriety!

RomaniIteDomum · 08/10/2023 14:13

For a diabetic to pass on chocolate is a whole different ball game to being alcoholic and being given alcohol.

I think anyone who thinks the two are comparable has never lived with an alcoholic.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 08/10/2023 14:14

I’m a teacher and I do not drink any longer as I’ve got a health condition which makes it painful to have as much as one glass. Instead, a plant or some flowers would be much appreciated.

So many people have allergies that I think things like notebooks or fancy pens are much better suited for gifts and cost as. Much as a bottle of wine.

piintheski · 08/10/2023 14:17

plants and flowers, same issue - how would you transport them home? These things are given on the assumption everyone has a car, but it is not very likely, especially in a city were schools have no parking

Why give a teacher a gift at all? Really a nice home made card and note from a child is lovely to receive, and that is all anyone needs