To tell my 5 year old she’d end up in hospital

[Perfectweatherforkites]

Dd had an impacted stomach around a year ago for almost a year. It started when she wouldn’t go to the toilet at nursery. I went threw months of hell with her, hospital visits, X-rays, blood tests etc to find out what was going on. We were prescribed medication that I later found can have really negative effects, I stopped it immediately and spent a lot of time researching natural ways to help her. I tried everything and the only thing I eventually found that works is a fresh kiwi juice with the skin on. I’ve found if she has it a few times a week and doesn’t eat too much chocolate/ice cream/biscuits she’s able to go to the toilet easily. After trial and error, I’ve noticed if we go a while without having the juice, her tummy becomes full of air, she trumps a lot, cries with stomach pain and can’t poo easily. She doesn’t like having the kiwi juice, it’s less than half a cup full and I give her a treat afterwards sometimes. She’s been refusing it recently and the tummy aches and sticking out tum are back, I’ve explained numerous times how important it is and how it helps her and tried different methods for her to drink it. Today she refused for around the fourth day and was being generally rude shouting that she wouldn’t have it and pushing me out of the way. I admit I got cross with her, told her to stop hitting me and shouted to her that she’d end up back in hospital again etc. She went out crying to Dh saying ‘She was making me drink it’ (She!) which I found completely disrespectful.
Dh came flying in shouting at me that she’s 5 and I shouldn’t say to her that she’ll end up in hospital. Dh who had no real involvement in all the months of hell, research, Dr and hospital visits etc and despite what I say brings her kinder eggs and biscuits home most nights after work.
Feeling like he really overrides me. He does the same when I say Dd can’t watch YouTube (only occasionally when sat with us and if we deem it appropriate. I lock the tv at night so YouTube can’t be accessed but Disney can and CBeebies/milkshake…Dd asks Dh to unlock it every morning…and he does. So this started a huge row where I said I was trying to parent and make sure she’s not ill again, whereas her let her watch YouTube all day and eat sweets and chocolate
Was I being unreasonable to say this to her in the heat of the moment? I’m generally a pretty laid back, caring and loving mum

*Through months of hell, not threw

*He’d

So she has constipation? Have you tried lactulose or movicol which are the standard treatments? No need for her to suffer when there are good medications available.

I regularly tell my 5 year old he'll end up in hospital if he goes too close to roads or tells me he wants to eat random mushrooms he's seen growing in grass. It's a fact, not a scare tactic. So no, imo YANBU

Don't think you're being unreasonable. Parents tell their kids not to do things because they'll hurt themselves, so you're just trying to make it clear how serious it is if she gets unwell.

I'd be pissed off about a husband that constantly undermined my parenting - sounds like he just takes the easy way out whenever possible.

I tell my 4 year old quite often that I'll need to take him to the doctor if he doesn't go for a wee soon. Usually when he's clearly desperate but refusing to use the toilet.

YANBU I have a DD who gets constipated and once you find something that works it’s better to stick with it. And the truth is that she will end up in hospital if she doesn’t drink it, it’s not an empty threat. Did they identify a cause?

DD had CMPA as a baby and although she has mostly grown out of it, too much dairy causes constipation again. We found those yo yo bear type things work well for DD, although she prefers the Lidl strawberry flavoured ones.

I don't think so. If this genuinely is what works then she needs to understand as young as possible that it's something she needs to take. It wasn't great to have shouted, but you were frustrated and trying to do your best with no support from DH.

It's difficult, but I would be tempted to say to DD and DH at the same time "if DD won't take this and DH won't help to encourage her and keeps giving DD things that make it worse, then DH is going to have to deal with the next tummy ache as mummy doesn't know what else to do". And stick to it.

I don’t blame you at all op, it’s true and she’s old enough to understand that and rationalise it. Have you experimented with a smaller amount of it or an actual kiwi rather than the juice? I can’t help feeling- while natural is great- that there has to be a better more sustainable solution for your dd than this! How is her diet in general?

you also seem to have a massive DP problem… can anything be done there? Do you like him? He sounds crap.

What was the name of the prescribed medication you stopped and did you involve DDs doctors in this decision?

@parietal We were given a form of Movicol that caused us huge problems, she’s been completely fine with a fresh, homemade kiwi drink 2-3 times a week with no issues, only when she stops drinking it for a while do the problems return. The Prescribed medicines were not for us and it’s been such a relief to find something natural that actually works, the issue is that she has to have it

@justforthisnow Yes they were involved and Dd is fine if she drinks it, she was completely unblocked etc and had no constipation. If she goes quite a long time without the kiwi drink it starts again or signs of constipation do, hence why she needs to take it

My son has intolerances and I had to tell him to avoid stuff so that he doesn't end up in hospital and he was fine with that because it's the truth and a good incentive.

Is your husband her actual dad ? Didn't he see her in hospital etc? You mention chocolate aggravating things but he brings home chocolate every day? What's wrong with him?

Your dd isn't unreasonable not to enjoy the kiwi juice but your h's actions make it necessary to have it so often. Didn't he see her in hospital? Does he not believe that there's something wrong with her ?

Why is it that your opinion is worth more than your husbands? Why are you allowed to completely ban chocolate and YouTube when he’s fine with your DD having occasional access to both?

It sounds like this is more of a marriage issue than a DD issue if I’m honest. You guys don’t seem to be able to communicate

@LisaVanderpump1 Always the easy way out and I look like the bad guy. I’m easygoing on most things, but this I’m not and too much crap on tv (specifically YouTube) those are my two main things

Maybe make a combo of flavoured drinks using kiwi and other fruits or squashes to jazz it up...you are doing a great job stick to it, your husband should support you more.

I think you and your DH need to get on the same page with parenting, right now you're pulling in opposite directions to each other and either he's undermining you or you're over-anxious about her health, it's hard to know which tbh if she got better without medicine.

I think you also need to find something different for DD's stomach (like maybe medicine) as she doesn't like this anymore and this battle of wills between DD and you isn't helping you to get her to listen to you.

How he deal with if she had diabetes??

Chronic constipation as a child is hell. Leads to lifelong bowel issues if not kept in check, I still suffer now because it wasn't treated/managed properly.

Have you had any success with red grape juice instead? Wonder if that would help and lessen the frequency kiwi juice would be needed.

OP says he comes home with kinder eggs and biscuits for her most nights which is more than occasional.

@Namechangedagain20 Yes it was such a relief to find something, it was a horrendous time and I’m so happy she’s not on prescribed medication and it’s something relatively easy and healthy that we can give her.
She had every test going and nothing was found. I just notice too much ice cream or chocolate, biscuits etc-basically crap, seems to make her worse. I’ve not cut these things out completely as she can have some without any problems , it’s when she has too much

Just give her the medicine, for fuck's sake.

@Createausername1970 Exactly, I did end up saying to Dh in the argument that I’d leave it to him, he could let her sit around all day watching YouTube, eating crap and get ill and he could sort it out. Also the fact she was hitting me and going to complain to him, he should back me up

How do you make the kiwi juice? We've had similar issues although not as bad and kiwis have been a godsend. However increasingly hard to get in DC.

Just a thought, can you hide it in anything else? A smoothie? Mix with other juice?

OP I think that the problem is that your dd is well aware that you and your h disagree on the details of how she is raised and is taking full advantage of it.

The "she's making me drink it" and refusal is age appropriate behaviour and it's probably time to find an alternative to the kiwi juice if possible.

If this ends up being a life long issue then it's best to tell her the truth (that she could end up in hospital again) from when she's young. Does she remember how painful it was?

@Excited101 Tbf her diet is great, she’s just prone to occasional constipation and finding this could help in such a natural way was amazing. It doesn’t seem to be the same just eating kiwis as with the juice I keep the skin on. Even with two drinks per week it works