To tell my 5 year old she’d end up in hospital

[Perfectweatherforkites]

Dd had an impacted stomach around a year ago for almost a year. It started when she wouldn’t go to the toilet at nursery. I went threw months of hell with her, hospital visits, X-rays, blood tests etc to find out what was going on. We were prescribed medication that I later found can have really negative effects, I stopped it immediately and spent a lot of time researching natural ways to help her. I tried everything and the only thing I eventually found that works is a fresh kiwi juice with the skin on. I’ve found if she has it a few times a week and doesn’t eat too much chocolate/ice cream/biscuits she’s able to go to the toilet easily. After trial and error, I’ve noticed if we go a while without having the juice, her tummy becomes full of air, she trumps a lot, cries with stomach pain and can’t poo easily. She doesn’t like having the kiwi juice, it’s less than half a cup full and I give her a treat afterwards sometimes. She’s been refusing it recently and the tummy aches and sticking out tum are back, I’ve explained numerous times how important it is and how it helps her and tried different methods for her to drink it. Today she refused for around the fourth day and was being generally rude shouting that she wouldn’t have it and pushing me out of the way. I admit I got cross with her, told her to stop hitting me and shouted to her that she’d end up back in hospital again etc. She went out crying to Dh saying ‘She was making me drink it’ (She!) which I found completely disrespectful.
Dh came flying in shouting at me that she’s 5 and I shouldn’t say to her that she’ll end up in hospital. Dh who had no real involvement in all the months of hell, research, Dr and hospital visits etc and despite what I say brings her kinder eggs and biscuits home most nights after work.
Feeling like he really overrides me. He does the same when I say Dd can’t watch YouTube (only occasionally when sat with us and if we deem it appropriate. I lock the tv at night so YouTube can’t be accessed but Disney can and CBeebies/milkshake…Dd asks Dh to unlock it every morning…and he does. So this started a huge row where I said I was trying to parent and make sure she’s not ill again, whereas her let her watch YouTube all day and eat sweets and chocolate
Was I being unreasonable to say this to her in the heat of the moment? I’m generally a pretty laid back, caring and loving mum

Ella's Kitchen Prune pouches! My saviour when my eldest dc wouldn't go to toilet, I would mix it into yoghurts, on toast, a little with Milk.. even now he's almost 9 I still keep a sachet at home to help things along

She's been pretty clear that she doesn't want the prescription medications. None of the 'wacky suggestions' here are going to do the child any harm other than possibly not working. But if she won't drink the kiwi then that's not going to work anyway.

Would you be able to make ice lollies with the kiwi fruit cocktail?
Might that work?

And you are totally NBU to expect your DH support.

I tell children that their actions will end them up in hospital fairly regularly. ( I’m a teacher) She’s old enough to start understanding consequences of choices.
Your DH is an utter idiot.
He should not be feeding her stuff that can exacerbate her condition.
Next time she’s poorly, he can sort it? He clearly needs a better understanding of how it affects her.
That being said, I’m not aware of any serious issues that come from using Movicol or similar? Perhaps it’s time to start looking for an alternative to the kiwi.

How he deal with if she had diabetes??

Definitely can’t opt out of prescription medication for that.

To all the posters saying I have stopped medication without speaking to the Dr, not taking her advice etc…I’ve never said this and it’s not true. I’m in touch with the Dr, we got nowhere with all the prescribed medications, it made my Dd much much worse, stomach pain, hyperactivity and it’s more..that was my Dds reaction, I don’t know about anyone else’s, but I’ll never put her back on that medication. She has occasional constipation *If she doesn’t have this small amount of added fibre from the kiwis, for some reason this works, the Dr is aware of this and it’s fine. My Aibu wasn’t about what medication works for my Dd, it’s about if I was as big as monster as my Dh made out to me for telling her she’d need to go to hospital again if she didn’t drink something that will help her.

Finding it mental that so many responses are people clearly finding offence to the fact you’d rather take the natural route! Even if the medicine worked, why on earth would anyone choose to pump a small child full of pharmaceuticals unnecessarily!? She’d probably just refuse to take them anyway. Unbelievable!

Keep going OP and kudos to you for doing everything to keep your child healthy. Speaking from experience, it’s an exhausting process so have all the respect for you!

YANBU. You are worried and rightly so. My DD had the same thing. One of the things that helped once she'd had a poo, was to get her to sit on the toilet at the same time everyday. If it doesn't happen, don't try again. She got into a routine of going the same time everyday and it really worked. 10 years later, she still does this. But then, most of us have a time of day when we go.

who does he think he is shouting at you ? now she's going to run to him whenever you say no to her

@Adventureoflife I know! 🤷🏻‍♀️She didn’t take them either and there were many many drinks per day that were hell and made her much worse
Thank you for your support 🙏

(lots of) Grapes are very effective. Have you tried them? Chopped in half vertically at her age, especially if she has a lot.

Prune juice can be effective but I suspect she might refuse.

Can you sweeten the kiwi juice with something else? Some people don't like kiwi as it's quite harsh. Would frozen mango blitzed into it help?

As for your DH - sigh...

Your DH is definitely in the wrong here.

Would it help if instead of a whole kiwi smoothie two or three times a week she had a smaller amount but every day? She might find it less of a chore if she can just have a few quick sips?

Could you try freezing it as kiwi ice lollies or making g kiwi and banana Icecream - just blend frozen bananas with kiwis ( ie no dairy etc)

You weren’t lying to her, you were giving her the facts, but saying that there’s nothing worse than drinking or eating something you don’t like! There will be an alternative she will enjoy.

Definitely Not bananas. They can constipate.

Maybe something like oranges (which I think do the opposite). Or something else sweet like strawberries?

She is absolutely old enough to understand consequences - my daughter is 3 and knows she will end up with an epipen and
in hospital if she has milk and is very careful to avoid it (for a 3 year old!), mainly because it happened before, but I see your daughter has also been to hospital so she should have some
understanding. I also don’t allow my kids unsupervised YouTube so you’re not alone there either!

YANBU.

I would look at this on CMPA though as a lot of the symptoms sound similar

I do try to reason with my daughter, in a kind way. If the medication doesn't go down for her constipation then sadly she will end up in hospital with an NG tube and even the doctors tell her this. She is 6.

These come recommended by other families too. And possibly the pear (if I recall correctly)

@Perfectweatherforkites well done you for persevering and finding a solution that works for your child, I've no idea why so many posters keep banging on about meds, having had 2 kids needing to be seen by our children hospital , i can tell them it's not a one size fits all solution with meds. Having been in hospital myself as a child and now having had 2 kids with continence issues ,it's massively stressful and its sounds that you are not being supported or backed by your husband in caring for your daughter. Some dads like to deal with all the "nice "bits of parenting and leave the tough stuff to mums. All kids go through times of playing 1 parent off against each other, so i really hope he steps up otherwise perhaps he can be the one to deal with her if she needs admitting.

@truthhurts23 Exactly

You are not unreasonable. It is a fact that she'll get impacted and she'll have to go back to hospital. My son had chronic constipation and had to have this conversation with him many many times.

I think the kiwi juice if it works is great. If she does really hate it though movicol won't cause long term damage and you can sneak it into whatever juice she'll drink

Also my son's conspiration was caused by a cows milk allergy.

My 3.5 yo DD once had to go to hospital after choking briefly on food because she was messing about. (She went because she was making this horrible cough sound and we were worried there was something left). Anyway, if she ever starts messing about to the point where she's being dangerous while eating, DH and I both remind her.of the dangers and warn her she could end up back in hospital. It's important kids understand consequences as best they can.

I think your main issue is that.your child obviously has some health problems, you've found a decent solution, and your DH is not backing you up and even making it worse. He's the problem here, not you or your DD

I actually don't blame you for not giving her the laxative.

My niece was out it from a young age and she had no bowel control until she was about 7- I really believe that was why.

Could you try mixing the kiwi drink in with a smoothie to make it a bit different? She's pushing her boundaries and rebelling a bit by the sounds of it. Try not to make it a big deal.

I don't think you were BU in telling her that, it's not a lie.