To tell my 5 year old she’d end up in hospital

[Perfectweatherforkites]

Dd had an impacted stomach around a year ago for almost a year. It started when she wouldn’t go to the toilet at nursery. I went threw months of hell with her, hospital visits, X-rays, blood tests etc to find out what was going on. We were prescribed medication that I later found can have really negative effects, I stopped it immediately and spent a lot of time researching natural ways to help her. I tried everything and the only thing I eventually found that works is a fresh kiwi juice with the skin on. I’ve found if she has it a few times a week and doesn’t eat too much chocolate/ice cream/biscuits she’s able to go to the toilet easily. After trial and error, I’ve noticed if we go a while without having the juice, her tummy becomes full of air, she trumps a lot, cries with stomach pain and can’t poo easily. She doesn’t like having the kiwi juice, it’s less than half a cup full and I give her a treat afterwards sometimes. She’s been refusing it recently and the tummy aches and sticking out tum are back, I’ve explained numerous times how important it is and how it helps her and tried different methods for her to drink it. Today she refused for around the fourth day and was being generally rude shouting that she wouldn’t have it and pushing me out of the way. I admit I got cross with her, told her to stop hitting me and shouted to her that she’d end up back in hospital again etc. She went out crying to Dh saying ‘She was making me drink it’ (She!) which I found completely disrespectful.
Dh came flying in shouting at me that she’s 5 and I shouldn’t say to her that she’ll end up in hospital. Dh who had no real involvement in all the months of hell, research, Dr and hospital visits etc and despite what I say brings her kinder eggs and biscuits home most nights after work.
Feeling like he really overrides me. He does the same when I say Dd can’t watch YouTube (only occasionally when sat with us and if we deem it appropriate. I lock the tv at night so YouTube can’t be accessed but Disney can and CBeebies/milkshake…Dd asks Dh to unlock it every morning…and he does. So this started a huge row where I said I was trying to parent and make sure she’s not ill again, whereas her let her watch YouTube all day and eat sweets and chocolate
Was I being unreasonable to say this to her in the heat of the moment? I’m generally a pretty laid back, caring and loving mum

Have you tried ringing the changes with fruits so that it less of a "medicine" - I have a child with chronic constipation and were recommended pears, apricots, figs and prunes. I often used to get those organic single fruit baby jars and use it as toppings for yogurt and porridge - or use dried or stewed. Pear crisps used to be a big hit.

We had to stop kiwi as second dd had kiwi allergy

Just thinking can you make the kiwi juice into home made ice lollies (add a bit of honey if appropriate and other fruit and milk). My son loves home made ice lollies all fruit with a bit of honey and milk. I hide things like avocado, elderberry syrup etc in them and he loves them.

Could you try finding another thing that give the same effect another fruit or a high fibre cereal maybe. Then you can give the choice of 'would you like kiwi or this?' I imagine it's the 'you have to drink this or else' she is struggling with.

Using hospital and doctors as a threat is never a good idea.

I’m afraid I quite regularly show my 3 year-old pictures from websites like this to illustrate the dangers of fire and scalding water.

https://scarfree.org.uk/ambassadors/india-gale

I used to know the lady featured years ago and she is truly incredible.

YANBU

So the point of the laxative daily such as prescribed is to stop her rectum being distended. Given as prescribed over 3-6 months the rectum goes back to normal size and recovers. Dairy or stodgy foods can undo its work and by having it daily the childcannot psychologically stool hold. Once back week stretches the rectum and you have to start all over again. Listen to the paediatricians or see one, together as parents with your Little one. Sorry for saying rectum so much.

Excellent leaflet and diagram here https://patient.info/digestive-health/constipation/constipation-in-children

Having had a child that suffered from fecal impaction (and who movicol made it worse not better - look up overflow soiling those who don’t believe me) YANBU. Its hellish.
I would say make your DH deal with the next episode but I very much doubt that would happen. The reality is it will be you sat with a crying child who is uncomfortable and in pain for hours if not days. You need to have a serious discussion about him playing fun Dad, making you mean Mum in the process.

It’s not a threat. It’s a factual consequence of certain behaviours and choices. It’s not- be good or I’ll tell the doctor, it’s - you need to stop stop rocking on that chair before you tip over and smack your head onto the cabinet and need stitches.

Once she's tasted Lactulose, she'll be begging for the kiwi juice.

We used to get dosed with a spoonful of syrup of figs for constipation, very nice to drink more of a problem to keep us away from the bottle!

Same problem with my five year old (completely solved now) and although it didn’t make any difference I did tell him when he asked what the other treatments aside from the medicine would be.

what Did movicok cause?!?

Chronic constipation will eventually cause kidney issues. My dd had it and have to have a lot of movicol which worked great. We saw a nephrologist who said she couldn’t be constipated at all because it eventually causes kidney infections which then would cause kidney damage. I don’t mean to scare you but it scared us and whist not having to take medication is great and all. Sometime you just gotta do it. For us eventually she had to take antibiotics daily for 3 years……. Now that is shitty!!!!! It took years for us to get her gut back but as he explained once you have damage you can’t a,ways take it back

people think constipation doesn’t do much damage but it cause have life long consequences and for us that would be a kidney transplant and years on dialysis.

This!!!! Magnesium. I didn’t know you were giving her that too

But if she does go to hospital then you’ll need something more anyway

shes stopped drinking it so you know what happens here.

Ooof. I had an ng tube for years and if you wanted me to help or speak to you LO then I’m more than happy to ❤️

Hi, sorry if this is unhelpful, but is there any possibility that she has a lactose intolerance? They can be really severe, we went through hell with our little girl and your post reminded me of it. You can get vegan chocolate and soya yoghurts, even plant based petit filous these days so it's not as hard to cut out as it used to be. We tried lactase and everything, it would work for a while and then the tummy problems would start again, the only thing that worked was cutting it, we did it with her and it has made us feel better too! Just a thought, ignore otherwise xx

It doesn’t happen with movicol. The reason they brought out movicol if I remember rightly is from that being a side effect of every other one in long term. It’s a well known side effect of the bowel muscle ones fo4 sure.

the reason it doesn’t work with movicol is because it just adds water. That’s it.

So glad you found something that works for her. DH bringing home biscuits every day from work to buy her affection really is not on.
Could you freeze the juice into an ice pop? So it’s a treat lolly or add banana or something to it to mix it up?
DH should be working with you saying that drinking the juice means she gets to watch YouTube for 20mins say.

So essentially she is a child with severe constipation which is termed as faecal impaction as it's very backed up. The doctors have probably prescribed her a laxative like movicol to get things moving and now you won't use it and want her to swallow 'kiwi juice'. That is completely your choice but you might want to just try the movicol for a few weeks it's unlikely to do any harm. Does she eat a diet with lots of fibre and vegetables?

Tell him he is dealing with the consequences and mean it

Just for anyone who does use movicol and their kids don’t like the taste. We added it to milk. Did it daily by a pinch each day more of movicol

it really disguises the taste if yo7 do it slowly.

I’m sure you did but just clarify for others before you mix it with anything else it needs to be made up with the right amount of water.

But it isn't this happy easy miracle solution, is it, because...your daughter hates it.

Take her back to the doctor and have a proper conversation about whatever problems you had with the Movicol. Get her some actual medication and stop imposing your really weird value judgements (there are no prizes for getting through illness without "prescribed medication") on your daughter, who is suffering and needs medical help.