To tell my 5 year old she’d end up in hospital

[Perfectweatherforkites]

Dd had an impacted stomach around a year ago for almost a year. It started when she wouldn’t go to the toilet at nursery. I went threw months of hell with her, hospital visits, X-rays, blood tests etc to find out what was going on. We were prescribed medication that I later found can have really negative effects, I stopped it immediately and spent a lot of time researching natural ways to help her. I tried everything and the only thing I eventually found that works is a fresh kiwi juice with the skin on. I’ve found if she has it a few times a week and doesn’t eat too much chocolate/ice cream/biscuits she’s able to go to the toilet easily. After trial and error, I’ve noticed if we go a while without having the juice, her tummy becomes full of air, she trumps a lot, cries with stomach pain and can’t poo easily. She doesn’t like having the kiwi juice, it’s less than half a cup full and I give her a treat afterwards sometimes. She’s been refusing it recently and the tummy aches and sticking out tum are back, I’ve explained numerous times how important it is and how it helps her and tried different methods for her to drink it. Today she refused for around the fourth day and was being generally rude shouting that she wouldn’t have it and pushing me out of the way. I admit I got cross with her, told her to stop hitting me and shouted to her that she’d end up back in hospital again etc. She went out crying to Dh saying ‘She was making me drink it’ (She!) which I found completely disrespectful.
Dh came flying in shouting at me that she’s 5 and I shouldn’t say to her that she’ll end up in hospital. Dh who had no real involvement in all the months of hell, research, Dr and hospital visits etc and despite what I say brings her kinder eggs and biscuits home most nights after work.
Feeling like he really overrides me. He does the same when I say Dd can’t watch YouTube (only occasionally when sat with us and if we deem it appropriate. I lock the tv at night so YouTube can’t be accessed but Disney can and CBeebies/milkshake…Dd asks Dh to unlock it every morning…and he does. So this started a huge row where I said I was trying to parent and make sure she’s not ill again, whereas her let her watch YouTube all day and eat sweets and chocolate
Was I being unreasonable to say this to her in the heat of the moment? I’m generally a pretty laid back, caring and loving mum

I spoke with the nephrologist and he said as long as we added it to 8onz then it was fine to add to milk. He said whatever helps them take it. As long as they weren’t spooning it and swallowing it as a powder he was happy and I was fortunate that it helped us as we would have been heading towards permanent kidney damage.

This is a bit frustrating now 🙈

Thank you to the ones trying to help/respond to what I asked on the post

I totally sympathise, my daughter suffered the same issue as a toddler - she started holding poo in due to fear as her germphobe dad had the screaming abdabs when she pooped in the bath. Started a vicious circle of holding in, crying, bad temper, bad breath sore tummy, the lot. Took over my life for months as i simply could not believe anyone could not poop for days on end and be so miserable with it. Only avoided full impaction and hospital as at second doctor visit got a GP who had a kid with the same issue and didn’t mess about with lactulose. The movicol did work but was very unpleasant for her to drink. I found the polish carrot juice/apple juice drink worked to keep things moving after initial crisis. (can get it in tesco and sainsburys) She enjoys this still at 15 yo. I also stopped full fat milk, went to semi skimmed and bananas also triggered constipation for her. I did explain she would end up in hospital if she went back to holding it in, and was pretty brutal about it even though she was little. if she ate badly she would sometimes ask for “the medicine drink” as she could feel it coming on. you are absolutely not unreasonable, you have to make clear the link between food choices and pain/suffering for her.

Kiwi is an excellent form of constipation relief and I agree it's much better than movicol. I would change up how she has it though. You can blend bananas and the kiwi and freeze it to make a homemade "ice cream". Or blend it in to a smoothie with different fruits each time. Make it more interesting and she might be more receptive to drinking it.

I'm a bit perplexed as to why your Dr prescribed 8 sachets a day of movicol in the first place, when the advice/dosage for a toddler is a maximum of 2 sachets a day mixed with a 1/4 cup of drink (60ml).

@redalex261 So sorry you had to go through the same, it really is hell. She loves bananas but can’t have them, only v occasionally

@Oioicaptain The initial part was a disimpaction process, far too much and just horrendous, the whole thing was horrendous

I don't know if this has been said yet as I'm skimming, but if the juicer is essentially blending the kiwis then it might have a peppery taste. Kiwi seeds get bitter and peppery when you blend them, some babies won't have them in purees for that reason. If you feel it doesn't work without the skin, how about letting her eat the kiwi without the skin, then blending the skin into a smoothie with banana and strawberry or something she might like better?

YANBU

Does the kiwi juice
Not work without the skin? Kiwi, without skin, always makes my daughter poop. The hairy skin is probably the issue.

So sorry you’ve been through that with your daughter. 100% not unreasonable to warn her that she needs to drink it or will end up in hospital - it’s a fact. You have a DH problem. Do you mind me asking what the problem/side effects with movicol were? My daughter is on it everyday, I thought it was ok as it’s not absorbed by the body. Thank you x

OP I am now 58. My mother threatened me with hospital a lot… if the threats where true then I would have spent my whole childhood there! ( must have had an effect though as I am now a GP!) . Movicol and lactulose are fine.. but your kiwi juice sounds more palatable!
In NZ we have kiwi crush… which is frozen kiwi juice.
You can get kiwi crush mixed with berries to change flavour.
If not available in UK can you try freezing yourself? Try your juice mixed with berries ?
Best wishes.

Your h sounds like a useless twat. He should be on your side re chocolate and your DD's diet.

Just as well your dd has you on her side! Yanbu at all.

This is an incredible reply!!

I’ve eaten kiwis with the skin on. (It’s meant to help you sleep also if you eat them at night and weirdly it does!!) I have 2 every night.

it makes them taste entirely different. The skins are absolutely disgusting. I think the kiwi blended and the skin added to a much much sweeter fruit with maybe honey? That would work for th more fibrous part of it

Thanks everyone, I’ll definitely try adding honey and some different fruits too. I’m reluctant to do it without the skin as it hasn’t worked as effectively in the past without the skin on sadly

@Perfectweatherforkites well done on your patience with all the people who haven’t read your posts!
I now understand teachers frustrations with kids who don’t read exam questions… 😂

Although I do think it is a good idea to try and get kiwis into her with different recipes – the freezing into ice lollies, and making into pancakes seem worth a try

But to answer you
I don’t think you are bad at all to tell your daughter that she needs to drink it, or she may end up back in hospital. She is old enough to understand that actions have consequences, and hopefully she remembers being ill and wants to avoid that again?

And your DH is totally out of order - undermining you on both issues. That definitely needs resolving. You need to agree on a compromise when DD isn’t around. Good luck
Maybe Youtube WHILE drinking the kiwi smoothie?

can you make the kiwi into a "milk" shake? (oat milk if she doesn't tolerate dairy)

I don't understand why people are suggesting alternative treatments when the OP has said that she has found something natural and simple that solves the problem?

One of my DCs had a similar issue as a child and it was a living nightmare. If that could have been solved with a kiwi drink a few times a week I'd have funnelled it into her. Some of the laxatives we tried were so high in sugar I was sure it would rot every tooth in her head.

Regarding the crap food I would assume there's some kind of dairy intolerance there, my DC was the same. A great diet but once too much dairy or sugar she could go a day or two without a poo.

Does your husband not realise he's potentially making her ill? I would be happy to play bad cop once she's okay. She'll realise when she's older that it was for her benefit. And he needs to grow up too.

Just read your posts - chocolate contains magnesium and is slightly laxative. Shouldnt be giving other sweets.

Fig biscuits are laxative but also pleasant to eat.

If she hates the drink try something putting something else in with it. Carrot is healthy but also sweet.

My youngest DS has had an impacted bowel on numerous occasions. For a few years we had a lot of time with him on Movicol and enemas to sort it out.
Once we got it sorted properly we manage it by giving him Benefiber every day in a glass of milk. It's flavourless so it may work for you?

You're not a doctor and you shouldn't be ignoring medical advice.

My nephew had the same issues as your DD and it turns out he has a slow moving bowel.

I wonder if she had a kiwi everyday without skin if it would be as effective?

@Incognito2023 😂Thank you, feel like I’m banging my head against the wall with some replies

@jaspertown She has been tested, but I was thinking dairy too all
along, but we did the test of cutting out dairy for a few weeks, then gluten etc, we couldn’t see any pattern
I just think it’s when she has too much of things, like in summer with ice creams or at parties with lots of cakes etc, it’s generally worse after times like this

I think your dh needs to get on board with you. Maybe he should attend appointments too?

My son has a condition where he has required a variety of medications (including chemotherapy) from a young age and he was often warned by both parents that if he didn’t take his medication he would have to return to hospital (the truth). Though he had had various treatments/surgeries in hospital and really did not want to return! So I think your method is totally fine.

Methods of getting her to take it

• make it into an ice cube
• Mix with other fruits
• Put into a syringe/shot glass and do it in one and you do it too and preferably dad
• Give her a reward that is directly associated with the medication
• Try putting it on a dinner tray as part of her meal and not drawing attention to it
• Mix it in cream or ice cream/yoghurt even if just small amounts
• Put in a squeeze pouch (you can buy reusables) and keep it cool in fridge like it is a yoghurt
• Involve her in making the kiwi mix, she may be more keen if she is involved

I know the struggles! My dh was on my side though which helps 100%

Hope that helps a little x