To tell my 5 year old she’d end up in hospital

[Perfectweatherforkites]

Dd had an impacted stomach around a year ago for almost a year. It started when she wouldn’t go to the toilet at nursery. I went threw months of hell with her, hospital visits, X-rays, blood tests etc to find out what was going on. We were prescribed medication that I later found can have really negative effects, I stopped it immediately and spent a lot of time researching natural ways to help her. I tried everything and the only thing I eventually found that works is a fresh kiwi juice with the skin on. I’ve found if she has it a few times a week and doesn’t eat too much chocolate/ice cream/biscuits she’s able to go to the toilet easily. After trial and error, I’ve noticed if we go a while without having the juice, her tummy becomes full of air, she trumps a lot, cries with stomach pain and can’t poo easily. She doesn’t like having the kiwi juice, it’s less than half a cup full and I give her a treat afterwards sometimes. She’s been refusing it recently and the tummy aches and sticking out tum are back, I’ve explained numerous times how important it is and how it helps her and tried different methods for her to drink it. Today she refused for around the fourth day and was being generally rude shouting that she wouldn’t have it and pushing me out of the way. I admit I got cross with her, told her to stop hitting me and shouted to her that she’d end up back in hospital again etc. She went out crying to Dh saying ‘She was making me drink it’ (She!) which I found completely disrespectful.
Dh came flying in shouting at me that she’s 5 and I shouldn’t say to her that she’ll end up in hospital. Dh who had no real involvement in all the months of hell, research, Dr and hospital visits etc and despite what I say brings her kinder eggs and biscuits home most nights after work.
Feeling like he really overrides me. He does the same when I say Dd can’t watch YouTube (only occasionally when sat with us and if we deem it appropriate. I lock the tv at night so YouTube can’t be accessed but Disney can and CBeebies/milkshake…Dd asks Dh to unlock it every morning…and he does. So this started a huge row where I said I was trying to parent and make sure she’s not ill again, whereas her let her watch YouTube all day and eat sweets and chocolate
Was I being unreasonable to say this to her in the heat of the moment? I’m generally a pretty laid back, caring and loving mum

Huh? OP said in an update that she told him that he would have to deal with the consequences. I was genuinely curious about his response as it could tell us more about his character. See below:

Perfectweatherforkites · Yesterday 18:52
@Createausername1970 Exactly, I did end up saying to Dh in the argument that I’d leave it to him, he could let her sit around all day watching YouTube, eating crap and get ill and he could sort it out. Also the fact she was hitting me and going to complain to him, he should back me up

Have you tried aggi Flynn it’s basically lots of soft fruit - raisins, apricots , dates, figs, prunes with prune juice etc blended it to make a sweet soft paste - one spoon a day is as effective as movicol etc. tastes much nicer. You could use fresh fruit but I use the dried stuff as it’s easier to store.

You mentioned fresh figs worked for her, try some fig biscuits. She could have them as an alternative to one does of kiwi juice or as a reward for having her juice. Worked for us when lactulose proved useless. The other thing we found useful was inulin. It's pretty bland so can be added to almost anything.

Could you try a kiwi extract from the health food shop?

Have you tried dates?

You’re not unreasonable at all. I have had personal experiences of the medicines so many people here are glorifying - and the terrible side-effects they can cause! Finding something that helps your DD go easily but not too easily is basically the grail - well done!

Of course she doesn’t always want to do what she should - she’s five, and honestly do any of us? But you are her parent and it’s your job to help and teach her, which you’re doing. I think it’s great!

If she only has to take it a few times a week I really think this resistance is more about seeing that you and your partner don’t always see eye-to-eye. He needs to understand that not only is his behaviour hurting her now, but it could cause her long-term harm! This is a ‘him’ problem not a ‘you’ problem, so that I don’t know how you fix!

'they were not for us'
you mean they weren't for you?, your daughter might prefer them? Grapes should do the trick. tbh kiwi skin juice sounds awful.

I appreciate you're not asking for advice on how to get her to take it but I have a pretty hot headed son and I find an "it's up to you" generally works well.
Don't force her to take it but explain this is the only thing that will alleviate the pain and keep her out of hospital, that if she doesn't take it she will feel very unwell. Then say, it's up to you. If you'd like me to make you one let me know and back off. If she says no, I would keep asking her how she feels every so often and whether she'd like to have some. Keep reminding that prevention is better than cure.
If she's genuinely unwell and in pain she will ask for it. At this point, I'd remind her it could have been avoided and if she just took it regularly she wouldn't need to be in any pain, ever - a gentle "I told you so" of sorts.
She will soon learn this is the fix and won't want to allow herself to be in pain.

Both undermining the other my arse. OP is trying to prevent an unpleasant and upsetting health issue and the DH is giving Dd all the sugary crap she wants. There’s only one person undermining. You can’t really undermine a parent who’s just taking the easy path of doing what the child wants.

Why do you even think you’re being unreasonable. He’s undermining you and she’s playing you both.

Just a thought - how about freezing the kiwi juice into ice lollies to change things up a bit?

@MustWeDoThis Excuse me??!! What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t just stop the medication, I consulted with our Dr, after my Dd was on it for a short time with terrible side effects, some of which involved v aggressive behaviour, hyperactivity and a complete change of character. My daughter was no longer my daughter anymore, she was full of rage, had night terrors and glazed eyes. It was the most frightening time of my parenting life. My Dd is no longer compacted bad hasn’t been for a long time. Me being her *Full time mother (whatever that means) as you say, means I know my child better than anyone else and know what’s best for her. The biggest regret for me was putting her on that medicine in the first place

It is not always the best option! I too would rather NOT give Meds, alit if the time this causes other problems. When my daughter had stinach bowl movement problems and was under hospital care, I refused to put her on meds that was suggested and her consultant told me after that I had made the right decision but he couldn't tell me at the time. That if I went ahead with it, the problem that it would cause would mean she would then have to be transferred to other meds to fix the problems of the first meds! So good on you for going natural.

I feel you are very inconsiderate. I have witnessed doctors not knowing what is wrong but giving meds out anyway. I have been there recently where the problems were the actual side effects of meds that were being taken. So please get off your high horse. I have a few doctors and consultants in my family amd they don't always know what the problems are, it's sometimes trail and error (sorry NOT on my child)
And what risk is she putting her child at? @Perfectweatherforkites please take no notice! Go with your instincts.

You need to give her what the hospital advised. You could be putting her at risk

I don't think you should threaten her with hospital, especially as she has never been hospitalised and at 5 years old will not be able to imagine what a stay in hospital might be like. She may even associate hospital as a punishment for not drinking her juice.

She’s done it with the go-ahead of the GP.

The graphic descriptions of the death of her daughter are appalling. What a horrible person you are.

I don’t think the prospect of hospital should be used to frighten a child. If they do need treatment they need to trust that it’s the best place, not a horror.

@eastegg Awful isn’t it, really upsetting to read.

@Madmeerkat READ THE THREAD ..please 🙏

@Mummydrama Thank you x

@Perfectweatherforkites well done for finding something natural that helps. Really surprised a lot of people on here would rather give their kids drugs than a kiwi fruit!! Like others have mentioned disguising it as something that tastes a bit better might help get her to drink it. It's weird that people assume she will just take whatever medicine you'd have to give her without any fuss when she won't even drink a juice.

To your actual point - it sounds like your husband is being really unsupportive when you're just trying to do what's best for your child. I don't think that telling her she could end up in hospital again if she doesn't drink the juice is a bad thing - it's the truth. And she is clearly very aware that she can manipulate the situation by getting him involved!

This!!

tell him when she needs hospital again HE can take the time off work and stay in with her !

I would maybe tell her she has a choice, she either drinks the juice or she has to eat more fruit (or something else you know works)…
My daughter suffered for a short while, you can buy something over the counter called syrup of fig, just a small amount a day will keep her moving. (No guarantee she’d take that either though)..
but no I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Would it kill your husband to support you?! Send him links to all the research you’ve done