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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my 5 year old she’d end up in hospital

258 replies

Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 18:33

Dd had an impacted stomach around a year ago for almost a year. It started when she wouldn’t go to the toilet at nursery. I went threw months of hell with her, hospital visits, X-rays, blood tests etc to find out what was going on. We were prescribed medication that I later found can have really negative effects, I stopped it immediately and spent a lot of time researching natural ways to help her. I tried everything and the only thing I eventually found that works is a fresh kiwi juice with the skin on. I’ve found if she has it a few times a week and doesn’t eat too much chocolate/ice cream/biscuits she’s able to go to the toilet easily. After trial and error, I’ve noticed if we go a while without having the juice, her tummy becomes full of air, she trumps a lot, cries with stomach pain and can’t poo easily. She doesn’t like having the kiwi juice, it’s less than half a cup full and I give her a treat afterwards sometimes. She’s been refusing it recently and the tummy aches and sticking out tum are back, I’ve explained numerous times how important it is and how it helps her and tried different methods for her to drink it. Today she refused for around the fourth day and was being generally rude shouting that she wouldn’t have it and pushing me out of the way. I admit I got cross with her, told her to stop hitting me and shouted to her that she’d end up back in hospital again etc. She went out crying to Dh saying ‘She was making me drink it’ (She!) which I found completely disrespectful.
Dh came flying in shouting at me that she’s 5 and I shouldn’t say to her that she’ll end up in hospital. Dh who had no real involvement in all the months of hell, research, Dr and hospital visits etc and despite what I say brings her kinder eggs and biscuits home most nights after work.
Feeling like he really overrides me. He does the same when I say Dd can’t watch YouTube (only occasionally when sat with us and if we deem it appropriate. I lock the tv at night so YouTube can’t be accessed but Disney can and CBeebies/milkshake…Dd asks Dh to unlock it every morning…and he does. So this started a huge row where I said I was trying to parent and make sure she’s not ill again, whereas her let her watch YouTube all day and eat sweets and chocolate
Was I being unreasonable to say this to her in the heat of the moment? I’m generally a pretty laid back, caring and loving mum

OP posts:
LambMomo · 07/10/2023 18:56

What was wrong with the movicol alternative? My DS takes Laxido everyday and it works really well.

Sirzy · 07/10/2023 18:57

Yabu for ignoring the medical opinions!

Original poster
Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 18:58

@SisterMichaelsHabit She didn’t get better without medicine? This is the thing that helps her.

OP posts:
MellyMavis · 07/10/2023 18:59

Is she still under hospital/consultant care? Not sure if it's only occasional constipation. Maybe a stimulant might work better for her.

You just don't want her bowel getting too impacted/stretched.

Rattyname · 07/10/2023 18:59

Yadnbu, you can’t just let a kid with bowel issues have loads of sugary crap and just give the movicol to sort it out, or say they don’t need their medicinal drink. Your DH should support you, sounds like he has his head up his arse about this.

Brefugee · 07/10/2023 18:59

Createausername1970 · 07/10/2023 18:41

I don't think so. If this genuinely is what works then she needs to understand as young as possible that it's something she needs to take. It wasn't great to have shouted, but you were frustrated and trying to do your best with no support from DH.

It's difficult, but I would be tempted to say to DD and DH at the same time "if DD won't take this and DH won't help to encourage her and keeps giving DD things that make it worse, then DH is going to have to deal with the next tummy ache as mummy doesn't know what else to do". And stick to it.

Do this

Original poster
Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 18:59

@IDontDrinkTea I haven’t banned either chocolate or YouTube completely, please read the post

OP posts:
IloveAutumn2023 · 07/10/2023 18:59

It would work better as a fruit, not worse, it had more fibre.

what is your objection to movicol?

what does DD think about movicol. Maybe give her the option?

id have to end it with someone as thick as your DH

Deadringer · 07/10/2023 18:59

Not very helpful I know but your dh sounds like an idiot.

Original poster
Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 19:01

@PurpleChrayne What medicine?

OP posts:
Original poster
Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 19:02

@RandomMess It really was absolute hell. I tried it, didn’t work, tried everything, the only things to work were magnesium and kiwis.

OP posts:
Pollyputhekettleon · 07/10/2023 19:03

What do you have against lactulose? If she hates the kiwi juice now.

Would your husband cooperate with her treatment if you took her back to the doctor, forcing him to come with you, and the doctor told him that she needs to take whatever works to prevent the constipation? He obviously has no respect for you but a lot of people will do things when a doctor tells them to.

What were the consequences of her pushing and hitting you?

reesewithoutaspoon · 07/10/2023 19:03

What is the reason she is refusing? Is it the taste/consistency?
Can you try masking with a strong sweet flavour like ribena or maybe making it into ice lollies?
Unfortunately shes five and wont fully be able to understand consequences sometime off in the distance.. She just doesn't want to take the drink at this moment in time and that will be the most important issue in her mind. So bar pinning her down and forcing her to drink it, which would be bordering on abusive and traumatic, you need to find another option.

PrtScn · 07/10/2023 19:04

My son (also 5) gets prescribed Laxido sachets. I just mix into one of his drinks. Have you tried these?

Original poster
Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 19:05

@letspartytomorrow Just in a juicer, chop the hard end parts off, cut it into squares, keeping the skin on and pop in the juicer, I add strawberries and other fruits sometimes. It’s just the fact of it being the drink she knows she has to have. Having the Movicol type drinks 8 times per day before was a 100% harder and had terrible side effects

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 07/10/2023 19:06

What medication did you try, because initially you said you gave it to her until you read the potential side effects, and then stopped, and then you've said it didn't work - which was it?

The kiwi juice may have worked (or the high levels of vit c have made her poo softer and the fibre made it bulkier so pooing was easier), but as its horrible for her to drink and having an aversive effect, its not really 'working' in every sense of the word, is it.

Her behaviour sounds totally appropriate for her age. Your DH sounds like a bit of a prick and you sound like you have discarded perfectly good medication in favour of 'natural' solutions without good reason for that!

reesewithoutaspoon · 07/10/2023 19:07

Could you try Lactulose. Its basically just sugars, very sweet and she would only need a small volume which she might find more palatable for the moment.

LambMomo · 07/10/2023 19:08

What side effects?

x2boys · 07/10/2023 19:08

Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 18:33

Dd had an impacted stomach around a year ago for almost a year. It started when she wouldn’t go to the toilet at nursery. I went threw months of hell with her, hospital visits, X-rays, blood tests etc to find out what was going on. We were prescribed medication that I later found can have really negative effects, I stopped it immediately and spent a lot of time researching natural ways to help her. I tried everything and the only thing I eventually found that works is a fresh kiwi juice with the skin on. I’ve found if she has it a few times a week and doesn’t eat too much chocolate/ice cream/biscuits she’s able to go to the toilet easily. After trial and error, I’ve noticed if we go a while without having the juice, her tummy becomes full of air, she trumps a lot, cries with stomach pain and can’t poo easily. She doesn’t like having the kiwi juice, it’s less than half a cup full and I give her a treat afterwards sometimes. She’s been refusing it recently and the tummy aches and sticking out tum are back, I’ve explained numerous times how important it is and how it helps her and tried different methods for her to drink it. Today she refused for around the fourth day and was being generally rude shouting that she wouldn’t have it and pushing me out of the way. I admit I got cross with her, told her to stop hitting me and shouted to her that she’d end up back in hospital again etc. She went out crying to Dh saying ‘She was making me drink it’ (She!) which I found completely disrespectful.
Dh came flying in shouting at me that she’s 5 and I shouldn’t say to her that she’ll end up in hospital. Dh who had no real involvement in all the months of hell, research, Dr and hospital visits etc and despite what I say brings her kinder eggs and biscuits home most nights after work.
Feeling like he really overrides me. He does the same when I say Dd can’t watch YouTube (only occasionally when sat with us and if we deem it appropriate. I lock the tv at night so YouTube can’t be accessed but Disney can and CBeebies/milkshake…Dd asks Dh to unlock it every morning…and he does. So this started a huge row where I said I was trying to parent and make sure she’s not ill again, whereas her let her watch YouTube all day and eat sweets and chocolate
Was I being unreasonable to say this to her in the heat of the moment? I’m generally a pretty laid back, caring and loving mum

If she's constipated regularly she will.probably need something like movicol,adding fruit etc to her diet will help her become more regular ,but it won't help.actual constipation
My son has chronic constipation so.I have had years of this .

StopLickingTheDog · 07/10/2023 19:09

YANBU to want to keep your daughter healthy
YANBU to not want to use unnecessary medications
YANBU to inform your daughter of a natural consequence (hospital)

However...

YABU to stop medical treatment without discussion with a clinician
YABU to get irate about a 4 year old referring to you as "she"
YABU to play around with things like magnesium supplements (presumably from your last post saying magnesium and kiwis were the only things that helped) without medical advice. Too much magnesium affects the heart and intestines with potentially fatal consequences.

Mariposista · 07/10/2023 19:10

You did right OP. Your kid is old enough to know we have to sometimes do things or eat/drink things we don't like because they are god for us. I had to be firm with antibiotics - you don't take your medicine, fine, you will end up in hospital, not able to go to school/go to your friend's party. Nicey nicey has no place when it comes to health.

x2boys · 07/10/2023 19:12

Perfectweatherforkites · 07/10/2023 19:02

@RandomMess It really was absolute hell. I tried it, didn’t work, tried everything, the only things to work were magnesium and kiwis.

There are loads of different medications you can try and you need to discuss it with your GP
Please don't listen to any wacky advice on here people often post harmful." Advice " about constipation thinking they are being helpful.

Blanketpolicy · 07/10/2023 19:12

You and your dh need to get on the same page (and that doesn't necessarily mean your page) and stop confusing your dd.

If you are both parenting differently, not in agreement and contradicting each other you are BOTH undermining the other leaving your dc in the middle and the victim of your relationship issue.

Pollyputhekettleon · 07/10/2023 19:14

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/10/2023 19:06

What medication did you try, because initially you said you gave it to her until you read the potential side effects, and then stopped, and then you've said it didn't work - which was it?

The kiwi juice may have worked (or the high levels of vit c have made her poo softer and the fibre made it bulkier so pooing was easier), but as its horrible for her to drink and having an aversive effect, its not really 'working' in every sense of the word, is it.

Her behaviour sounds totally appropriate for her age. Your DH sounds like a bit of a prick and you sound like you have discarded perfectly good medication in favour of 'natural' solutions without good reason for that!

She said it was Movicol.