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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why say thank you?

267 replies

OfcourseitsaNC · 06/10/2023 21:17

A man stopped on the wide pavement and stood to the side to allow me to pass. He didn't need to. I didn't say thank you, as it was a pointless act. I heard a very British mumbled sarcastic comment "Well THANK you".

Yesterday, a woman pulled the very long lead on her dog in so that there was no longer a cable across the width of the path. I didn't say thank you to her either.

I'm done saying thank you to people who either do something pointless which was never needed, or who are correcting incorrect behaviour.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Roseandstar · 06/10/2023 21:18

I just think…. It’s Friday night , think happy thoughts!

makingforwardprogress · 06/10/2023 21:20

What is wrong with just being friendly enough to acknowledge the other person's existence? That is all a thank you is, in these circumstances

NoNoHellaNoNoHellaNoNo · 06/10/2023 21:20

Yeah, sock it to the system! You should stop saying thank you to other people in lifts when you disembark too.

Wineocloc · 06/10/2023 21:22

Yabu. Thankfully you still get some polite people out there.

Elieza · 06/10/2023 21:22

I always thank people for holding doors, moving over etc.

I think most people still do. It’s nice to be nice.

This must be a wind up as I don’t think nice people would be so rude and ignorant.

Dacadactyl · 06/10/2023 21:22

I think you sound rude tbh.

Vallmo47 · 06/10/2023 21:23

I feel like a lot of people are already on this page OP and it’s never a nice thing. To be honest I do get it though - when people are walking 3 astride on a narrow pavement and I’ve already said “excuse me” 3 times and they very reluctantly then step aside after finishing their chat. They shouldn’t be holding me up like that anyway! But then common decency kicks in and I think .. I’m better than that, I’m better than them. So I still thank them.

Lemonademoney · 06/10/2023 21:25

Wowsers you sound nice! Maybe I’m old fashioned but nothing wrong with a thank you, or a good morning or afternoon to people. These are basic social skills I teach my children.

LoopyLooooo · 06/10/2023 21:26

Fuck, what a miserable life OP.

BananaSlug · 06/10/2023 21:26

I had a man have a go at me at the bus stop for not saying thank you to him for me getting on the bus first even though I was at the bus stop first 😕 and no he wasn’t elderly or visibly disabled before anyone suggests 🙄

Iknowthis1 · 06/10/2023 21:26

"Why say thank you?"

...because it's culturally appropriate.

Cantthinkofadifferentname · 06/10/2023 21:27

I was out earlier and there was only space for one person to go through, I could have just about got through but stopped to let the woman with buggy come through the opposite way. No acknowledgement at all or eye contact, so yes I did say you're welcome as she just went past.
I hate bad manners

BrightLightTonight · 06/10/2023 21:29

So someone puts themselves out, and you can’t be bothered to smile and say “thanks”. You are a miserable person. The world needs more smiles and thanks - not less

271726a · 06/10/2023 21:29

A smile or a nod to acknowledge is fine don't have to say things verbally.

Oysterbabe · 06/10/2023 21:30

Yeah why not, stomp around like a mardy cow and ignore friendly social conventions. Knock yourself out.

truthhurts23 · 06/10/2023 21:32

its just what British people do..
in saying that I don't care if people say thank you
maybe he sensed you were trying to be a rebel and got offended

Spinnymop · 06/10/2023 21:32

We're a please and thank you nation. I always find it weird driving in other countries and not having to constantly raise my hand to say thanks, waving people ahead of me, or flashing the hazard lights to express gratitude. We even drive politely here.

Fullfatandfortyplus · 06/10/2023 21:34

Agree. Have had same situation people stepping aside on wide paths when they didn’t need to then expecting a thank you and a sarcastic ‘thank you ‘. It’s like they spend their days walking round for thank yous.

theduchessofspork · 06/10/2023 21:34

Politeness is useful because it reminds us that people generally mean well, and that as humans we are all deserving of basic consideration. It also creates positive little interactions that help knit communities together. It does a lot to keep us out of the gutter actually.

It’s also no effort, so the idea of being ‘done’ doesn’t apply.

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 06/10/2023 21:35

I'd probably say hi/morning/afternoon or whatever instead of thank you.

Although if I was in a mood I'd probably ignore them too.

panelbottle · 06/10/2023 21:35

You sound like a bore tbh

OctoblocksAssemble · 06/10/2023 21:37

The PA 'you're welcome' is a pet hate of mine, ever since a moment when I was marching along trying to get home before I burst into tears and recived a sarky comment from someone who had apparently graced me by allowing me to walk past them.

Sure, thanks is nice, but it rather undermines the courtesy of the original act when people demand their tribute of gratitude.

usernother · 06/10/2023 21:38

Don't say thank you if you don't want to. But be prepared to be disliked.

SemperIdem · 06/10/2023 21:41

NoNoHellaNoNoHellaNoNo · 06/10/2023 21:20

Yeah, sock it to the system! You should stop saying thank you to other people in lifts when you disembark too.

Do you mean if they’ve moved out of your way so you can get out? Because I do get that, but otherwise I don’t.

Saoirse82 · 06/10/2023 21:43

You sound like you'd be great craic at a wake OP.

🙄