Page 6 | Why say thank you?

OfcourseitsaNC · 2023-10-06T20:17:18+00:00

A man stopped on the wide pavement and stood to the side to allow me to pass. He didn't need to. I didn't say thank you, as it was a pointless act. I heard a very British mumbled sarcastic comment "Well THANK you". Yesterday, a woman pulled the very long lead on her dog in so that there was no longer a cable across the width of the path. I didn't say thank you to her either. I'm done saying thank you to people who either do something pointless which was never needed, or who are correcting incorrect behaviour. AIBU?

Wishfulthinking1977 · 06/10/2023 23:38

You were rude and that's it! You obviously saw he had stopped for you regardless of the situation a thanks or a smile costs nothing.

MrsMiddleMother · 06/10/2023 23:39

Whalewatchers · 06/10/2023 23:37

I'd like you and OP to meet each other head-on on a path which is right on the borderline of acceptability to graze past each other, just to see what happens... 🤣

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If there's a strong possibility you'd graze each other you would stop. When 2/3 people can walk on a path without touching and yet you stop to 'let them past' that's ridiculous and not necessary.

Tulipvase · 06/10/2023 23:40

MrsMiddleMother · 06/10/2023 23:39

If there's a strong possibility you'd graze each other you would stop. When 2/3 people can walk on a path without touching and yet you stop to 'let them past' that's ridiculous and not necessary.

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I was just going to say the same thing.

MarieKlepto · 06/10/2023 23:41

It's just basic manners. Just non self-centred normality. Takes a second to say "thanks", takes a second to hold a store door open for someone leaving when you're coming in, etc. If refusal to even acknowledge that level of decency is how low the bar is these days, I despair.

Scautish · 06/10/2023 23:41

Somanycats · 06/10/2023 23:33

So op, pretty much everyone has told you that you are wrong and a bit unpleasant. None of them have had to do this, but everyone has given up their time to help you learn. I haven't seen any thank yous from you. So it's not just prats you don't like thanking, but pretty much everyone!

Actually when I last checked, 19% of responses said OP was not BU and as 402 people had voted that means 76 people agreed with OP which is not “pretty much everyone”

you may find life is easier if you brush up on you maths/logic. This is meant constructively of course. I didn’t need to take the time to write out this very sage advice but I did. So I will of course expect you to thank me.

UsingChangeofName · 06/10/2023 23:42

No they didn’t consider the person they supposedly stepped aside for . They were considering their own ego and desire to get a thanks to feel as if they’ve been nice.

What utter rubbish. Some people don't like others passing in close proximity.
Obviously you can't tell that from looking at a person, so the person who stands back is just covering all bases. Because they are a polite, kind considerate person - polar opposite of the OP.

The same people who do this are often he last ones to step up if someone is in actual need eg. A woman looking for someone to help her carry a pram upstairs.

Now you are just completely making stuff up.
Utter bollox.

StEtienne93 · 06/10/2023 23:44

Yabu.

The world is a better place when people are polite and courteous to one another. Don't drag us all down.

LoopyLooooo · 06/10/2023 23:44

⚠⚠ Attention seeking OP alert ⚠⚠

Tulipvase · 06/10/2023 23:44

MarieKlepto · 06/10/2023 23:41

It's just basic manners. Just non self-centred normality. Takes a second to say "thanks", takes a second to hold a store door open for someone leaving when you're coming in, etc. If refusal to even acknowledge that level of decency is how low the bar is these days, I despair.

Why do you think the Op wouldn’t open a door for someone based on their OP?

Shadyboots23 · 06/10/2023 23:45

I kind of get it
Like when I'm out riding I think why am I saying thank you to people who slow down.. it's the Highway Code. I might as well say thanks to someone stopping at a red traffic light!

But then drivers complain if we don't thank them for not wiping us out or speeding past

Original poster

OfcourseitsaNC · 06/10/2023 23:46

Whalewatchers · 06/10/2023 23:31

Something which I try and do is to excuse other people's less than ideal behaviours at times. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps their mind was elsewhere, perhaps they are having a bad time at the minute with a sick relative, an abusive partner, a stressful job, and they aren't really in the moment and concentrating in the same way as they might ordinarily be. I find this forgiving outlook, where I look for the best in everyone, really helps me stay positive and helps my own mental health. Anyway, maybe that's just me! :-D

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I've been doing that with most of the people tonight calling me (professionally) miserable, rude, a wanker, a cunt, a bit unpleasant, a rude fucker etc. I'm thinking they're probably going through hard times if they're being so unkind in their language.

Trying to look for the best in them all throughout the thread, as I'm a very positive person. Which I'm sure will be pulled apart too... Very predictable lot on here.

There are ways to discuss a matter without name calling. Lots of people on this thread still need to learn that.

I was always taught that if I had nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all. A lesson many on this thread have yet to learn.

OP posts:

MyElasticEye · 06/10/2023 23:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 06/10/2023 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

😂😂

Hangonaminutethere · 06/10/2023 23:49

The word you use in these situations isn’t really relevant though is it- we tend to say ‘thanks’ because it’s super quick and easy, but what it really is is just an acknowledgement of another human being. Like saying hello / morning or whatever if you catch the eye of someone when they walk past. You’re not actually thanking them particularly. But you’re just making a little moment of connection. We’re up North. We talk to strangers like this ALL THE TIME ;) Jesus- have a second for your fellow man (or woman!)- it just makes this increasingly shitty world a bit more pleasant to be in…

Original poster

OfcourseitsaNC · 06/10/2023 23:50

And in addition to my latest post, I was wrong to call the people prats in an earlier post.

I should have said their prattish behaviour.

OP posts:

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 06/10/2023 23:50

OfcourseitsaNC · 06/10/2023 23:46

I've been doing that with most of the people tonight calling me (professionally) miserable, rude, a wanker, a cunt, a bit unpleasant, a rude fucker etc. I'm thinking they're probably going through hard times if they're being so unkind in their language.

Trying to look for the best in them all throughout the thread, as I'm a very positive person. Which I'm sure will be pulled apart too... Very predictable lot on here.

There are ways to discuss a matter without name calling. Lots of people on this thread still need to learn that.

I was always taught that if I had nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all. A lesson many on this thread have yet to learn.

Edited

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You're not a positive person because if you were, you would see the benefit in gratitude and common courtesy. Bore off.

echt · 06/10/2023 23:52

No they didn’t consider the person they supposedly stepped aside for . They were considering their own ego and desire to get a thanks to feel as if they’ve been nice

@Lostcotter Yet another poster who knows the motivations of people they've never met or spoken to.

Mistressofnone · 06/10/2023 23:53

I'd go with unreasonable. It's just their way of showing respect to you. Even just a nod would suffice.

I sometimes go for an early morning walk and pass a few people doing the same. If they say 'morning', I'm not going to refuse to engage just because I don't know them.

Whalewatchers · 06/10/2023 23:53

Shadyboots23 · 06/10/2023 23:45

I kind of get it
Like when I'm out riding I think why am I saying thank you to people who slow down.. it's the Highway Code. I might as well say thanks to someone stopping at a red traffic light!

But then drivers complain if we don't thank them for not wiping us out or speeding past

Well they still showed consideration to slow down? Lots of things are in the Highway Code, like speed limits, they aren't always obeyed. A smile or a wave, some acknowledgement that I did think of the horse and that I didn't want to spook it would be nice to show you appreciated me slowing down. How and ever, if you didn't then that wouldn't particularly bother me either, I'd just assume you were in the zone or at one with your horse or something 😃😃

Lifeofasd1 · 06/10/2023 23:55

Is it that much of an effort to say thank you. My saying it you know for sure that the other person will appreciate it. By not saying it, you do not know if the other person would have appreciated it or not. So why question it?
Just say thank you and you may make someone feel appreciated.

CantHaveTooMuchChocolate · 06/10/2023 23:58

Lollipopsandcandycanes · 06/10/2023 22:24

I’m in a country where they really don’t say “thank you” very much. Even when I’m pushing the pram and letting people pass me they won’t give eye contact, they just walk on by. I’ve never seen anyone give a wave of thanks when a driver lets them cross the road. They don’t thank bus drivers either.

I am British and do all of the above. :)

Wow am curious where are you?

McIntire · 07/10/2023 00:01

Why not?

Moveoverdarlin · 07/10/2023 00:02

In both those instances, I think a thank you would have been polite. The man may have moved out of your way (even though he didn’t need to) so you would say thank you, he could reply ‘lovely morning isn’t it? You could say ‘yes beautiful!’ Fuck me, you might be the first and last person he interacted with that day.

It’s just being nice. Your example of the pelican crossing, you sound pissed off someone thanked you, they were being pleasant. We know you had to stop at the red light, but how does a cheery wave, a grateful acknowledgement, make you so irritated?

melj1213 · 07/10/2023 00:04

YANBU - tbh if someone stepped to the side on a wide path I would not assume they were "letting me past" and so it would not occur to me to say thank you - for all I know they have a stone in their shoe that they are trying to work out; or need to stop and check their phone and want o make sure they're not in anyone's way; or they're just stopping for a breather.

If I had noticed they had stopped and were looking at me/in my direction I would be thinking that they were going to try and get me to stop for some reason (not so much of an issue in a busy town centre but more so on a quiet country path) and so I would either totally ignore them intentionally (so I could feign ignorance if they tried to engage me in conversation etc) or challenge them as to why they were watching/waiting for me to pass rather than just continuing on like a normal person.

I had weight loss surgery last year and before it I was very, very conscious of my weight and the space I took up - if the whole "path wide enough for 4+ people to walk on but a man stood to the side to let me pass" thing happened to me pre-surgery I would have assumed the man was trying to humiliate me by implying that because I was so large he needed to step out of the way on a wide path as there still wasn't room for us to pass comfortably. A sarcastic "Thank YOU" or "You're welcome" would have finished me off and I probably wouldn't have gone out again alone for a very long time - he may not have intended it to be meant that way but that's how it would have appeared to me. Now I am 10st lighter I still struggle with my you self in image but if someone did the same thing then I'd probably just make a no point of saying something like "How bad is your spatial awareness to think I need that much room to get past you on a path this wide?"

erlangshen · 07/10/2023 00:30

OP I get you! This also happened to me a few times. Once I was looking for an item in the supermarket, there was a lady standing in the middle of the aisle looking at products. There was enough space for me to pass and I was busy looking at the products. She turned her body side way as I walked past her, then almost at the same time I heard her saying "you are welcome!" as a sarcasm. I always say thank you if someone has done something for me, but in this case I got the sarcasm even before I realised what she was doing. It was so unnecessary.

When I walk on the street or in the shop, I often make way for people, I dont expect everyone to say thank you. If you are in the way, its a reflex to move when there are other people, not a favor. And saying sarcastic things just after you have done something "kind" is more rude than not doing it at all.