Why say thank you?

[OfcourseitsaNC]

A man stopped on the wide pavement and stood to the side to allow me to pass. He didn't need to. I didn't say thank you, as it was a pointless act. I heard a very British mumbled sarcastic comment "Well THANK you".

Yesterday, a woman pulled the very long lead on her dog in so that there was no longer a cable across the width of the path. I didn't say thank you to her either.

I'm done saying thank you to people who either do something pointless which was never needed, or who are correcting incorrect behaviour.

AIBU?

Agree with this. If you choose not to follow cultural norms you are deemed to be rude and impolite, and as a result the other person will feel angry or upset or insulted. Why make a person feel bad unnecessarily? It takes a very bad minded person to want to make someone feel negative.

I must be miserable too as I pretty much get the OP.

I will always say thank you or whatever is necessary if someone does something that actually helps or benefits me. But in the examples given, I might feel similar to the OP.

Like drivers expecting me to thank them for stopping at a crossing. As if they aren’t legally obliged to stop.

I am happy to move out of the way of someone else if on a narrow pavement for example, but only if they give some indication of being willing to do the same, does that make sense? Unless they are physically unable.

You sound happy 😁

Read back what you’ve posted and then think about what you’ve just said 🤣

You’re not miserable, you’re just more intelligent than the #bekind brigade.

Well aren't you the little charmer..

It's called good manners, clearly you have none

It's just basic courtesy... I would think you are rude

I see it more as an acknowledgement of the other person's presence

🥱

Jesus wept, OP, what is the point of being so bloody cranky and unfriendly?

Oof sorry things have got so nasty OP.

I voted unreasonable because although I agree with you that those examples didn't exactly warrant a thank you it's nice to be nice. I always think saying something nice could make someone's day - like you might be the only social interaction they've had that day. Unless someone's being rude to you there's no harm putting a friendly foot forward x

i think this is an appallingly negative attitude. While my rational self is sorry you feel so miserable - I find it hard to understand! We get back the energy we put out. If you put out gratitude + grin at children etc then your experience of the world, and that of people you share space with, is infinitely more positive.

sorry you feel shit. A gratitude practice might help…

TL;DR = you’re a woman, grin and bear it

My husband gets so upset when people don’t say ‘thank you’ to him when he stops his car to let them cross the zebra crossing. Like what should they be thankful for? Not getting ran over? Jesus!

Also, I am a soft-spoken, always have been and I loathe the passive aggressive ‘you’re welcome!!!! Tut-tut’ when they can’t hear my ‘thank you’ for their pointless, exaggerated moving out of the way and stopping on a wide enough for both of us path. I feel as if some people do a bunch of completely unnecessary shit throughout the day to collect ‘thank yous’. Well done, you have a place reserved in heaven. 👏

My husband gets so upset when people don’t say ‘thank you’ to him when he stops his car to let them cross the zebra crossing. Like what should they be thankful for? Not getting ran over? Jesus!

I'm the opposite to him. I hate getting thanked at zebra crossings. I haven't stopped to do you a favour, I've stopped because it's the law. It annoys me so much I always look away for a second so if someone tries to thank me they can't because I'm not looking at them.

Totally with you OP. I absolutely agree with thanking people who have done something eg stopped their car so you can get past or hold a door for you - no problem. But your point is that one situation didn’t require any action (moving out your way unnecessarily) and the other one was a remedial situation where the person corrected themselves (pulling in the dog lead). And btw, I bet the man wouldn’t have done that to another man but we wimmin are supposed to be so thankful??

but I’m autistic and absolutely do not get the logic of these meaningless societal rules (noting I AM polite - to a fault - when there is a genuine action to thank). And I’m finding it all the more strange that so many people here are calling you boring or rude when to me their posts are far ruder than your actions.

Neurotypical (il)logic flummoxes me totally!

How difficult is it to say thank you in your world? You sound thoroughly unpleasant and I really have no time for people like you.

Manners make the the man or woman.
I judge people by their manners I’m afraid. They didn’t have to move out of your way, would you have been just as unpleasant if they hadn’t?

Have you talked to your husband about why he feels that way? What does he say?

I had a blinder the other day. A pedestrian signaled thank you to me in my car whilst they crossed at the pelican crossing I'd stopped at. It was a red light. I had to stop!

I mostly say thank you in these types of situations but sometimes I'm in a world of my own so forget or don't notice. If I'm the one stepping out the way or whatever I don't expect a thank you, if I get one or if I don't, so what? One time there were a few people stood outside their houses talking and blocking the pavement, they stepped aside (into their gardens) so I could pass with my children and I didn't say thank you, then one of them said to the others, in a loud exaggerated tone (clearly directed towards me) 'well, a thank you would be nice.' Even though they were the ones blocking the pavement. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also, am I the only one that finds using zebra crossings as a pedestrian, awkward? I feel like I have to put my hand up to say thank you but it feels weird and fake. When I'm driving, I do not expect people to thank me if they are on the zebra crossing, as I am supposed to stop! I actually used to avoid using the zebra crossing near me and would just wait for a gap in the traffic, but then a child got hit on the crossing (driver's fault) so I make a point of using the crossing at every opportunity now, just so I hope I make more people notice it.

They didn’t move out the OP’s way. They were not in the OP’s way. They did something entirely unnecessary. they were milking gratitude. They were firstly imposing on the OP (wanting thanks), then berating her (like many here) for no acknowledging the pointless act.

HOW THE FECK IS THAT RUDE????

They didn’t have to move out of your way, would you have been just as unpleasant if they hadn’t?
That's the point OP was making! They didn't need to move out of the way as they weren't in the way. Their action was pointless so why was theor expectation of thanks?

If they hadn't moved it wouldn't have been unpleasant at all, just two people walking past each other entirely uneventfully

What a shame. Sorry, but you sound massively unreasonable and miserable.

Also, am I the only one that finds using zebra crossings as a pedestrian, awkward? I feel like I have to put my hand up to say thank you but it feels weird and fake.
Nope, never felt the need to thank a driver for following the rules of the road and never felt awkward about it.