Why say thank you?

[OfcourseitsaNC]

A man stopped on the wide pavement and stood to the side to allow me to pass. He didn't need to. I didn't say thank you, as it was a pointless act. I heard a very British mumbled sarcastic comment "Well THANK you".

Yesterday, a woman pulled the very long lead on her dog in so that there was no longer a cable across the width of the path. I didn't say thank you to her either.

I'm done saying thank you to people who either do something pointless which was never needed, or who are correcting incorrect behaviour.

AIBU?

You sound like a very judgemental person who has no clue about human nature.

Sounds like you are describing yourself there OP - calling people 'a prat' for following usual social norms. Norms that just make the world a nicer place for a couple of seconds.

YABVVVVVU and rude.

I don't understand why I was unpleasant.

I said nothing. He didn't move out of my way.

A man walking in the opposite direction to me chose to stop and step back to make a 4 person + wide path even wider. It was a completely unnecessary action on his part.

Jesus, any courtesy deserves a thank you, @OfcourseitsaNC . It won't kill and oils the wheels of general civility.

@OfcourseitsaNC

did you mean to post in the pearl-clutching topic?

Come over to the Logical People threads and you may find a more sympathetic audience - but if you do and you like it then I will expect you to thank me profusely.

Seriously, just say thanks. It's the same as you thinking you're doing a good turn for someone and them throwing it in your face! It's just rude!

'Counter cultural' 😂😂

You're culturally ignorant OP.

You might as well own it instead of using knobbish phrases.

You’re just rude. Saying thank you is good manners and that certainly isn’t pointless. I don’t want to live in a society that has no common courtesy.

Unnecessary courtesy though? That’s the point.

If you'd managed to read the rude post i quoted (which someone that wasn't me requested deletion of), then my post would make more sense.

It's not a usual social norm to "give way" on a path when 2 people are walking on a path 4 person + wide.

It's not a usual social norm to allow your extendable dog lead to stretch across the whole width of a path when others are using it.

It certainly didn't make the world a nicer place for a couple of seconds.

If I see pratish behaviour, I'm happy to ignore it, like I did in these cases. I'm certainly not going to thank the person for it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm TOO polite... I thank lots of people, for lots of different reasons as I go about my day. Any time when they've showed any sort of care or consideration for me. Sometimes I wonder if they are thinking, what are they thanking me for? 🤣

I'd rather go about like this though (with a smile on my face at the same time), rather than getting irked at people thanking me at zebra crossings like a PP. It sounds awfully miserable in all honesty.

Perhaps next time they see you they won't bother. Obviously YABU

It’s literally just basic politeness? I don’t know whether you thought you were going to get a round of applause or something but it’s just a normal, kind thing to do.

Dunno about unreasonable, you just come across as a bit grouchy and not very community spirited.

Recently said to my driving teacher “why are we thanking these people when it’s the law for them to give way?”. His reply “well it’s just nice to be nice isn’t it?”
Think this might apply here. You don’t have to make a big deal, just a little smile in acknowledgement that they’ve got out of your way

I'm guessing you realise you were unreasonable, because you've clearly thought about it enough to want to write a thread about it.....

The thing is OP, it's not illegal to use an extendable dog lead on a footpath. It is considerate to retract the lead for an oncoming pedestrian, so therefore I think that consideration merits a thank you. They could have just ignored you which meant you might have had to step into the road to avoid the lead. Then you would have had a valid complaint.

When I do good turns for someone, I do them because I want to. Not for the thanks I may or may not get from them.

You come across as so miserable Op. Your example about the lady who thanked you for stopping at a red light, and the man who moved out of your way on a wide path - perhaps they are just both so polite that they do these things without thinking. I think that’s a good thing, I hope I will raise my children to be polite and consider others as second nature. I’d choose that over unnecessary negativity.

The problem with saying thank you to strangers who do something thoughtful for you is that a chunk of your soul dies every time you give thanks.

No. Wait. Nothing at all is taken from you when you express gratitude and notice small kindnesses.

I know people who think thanks should be meted out in tiny stingy, hard earned portions and I just don't understand them at all.

I disagree.

It's considerate to recognise you're using a shared path, therefore your consideration extends to not allowing the lead to cross the width of the path, as others are using it.

They have considered you and that is what you should thank them for. Whether it was needed or not, they took your needs into consideration. Miserable people who scoff at this 🙄

I agree with you. A friend of mine actively felt a man was having a dig at her when he moved to the side because she was a bit chubbier and the pavement was wide so she felt as if he was saying she needed all the space. Either way there’s just no need for it, it’s performative attention seeking. and the fact he commented on you not saying thanks, shows he was doing it to get a thank you 🙄

definitely wouldn’t have thanked the dog lead woman.

I will say thank you for some holding a door open though.

I see your point.

To be honest, if someone stopped on a wide pavement where I wasn’t near them, I wouldn’t automatically assume that they did so for me or notice, especially with my earphones in. I’m often in my own head and keeping a steady pace and will manoeuvre out of the way of people who walk slower than me and groups where I don’t have the patience to practically beg them to let me through (often having to say excuse me 3-4 times before they budge).

I do recall having some guy say a sarcastic thank you to me before I could thank him which irks me and it’s always men that do this when I don’t say it quick enough or not in the order they require. I was too busy concentrating on making sure my double pram with my sons in it didn’t tip onto a main street since the path was narrow (barely 3 ft wide on a slight hill). To get past me with the pram, they would have to step into the street for a few seconds or wait until I got to where the path widen and it was safe. I definitely wasn’t going to say thank you after their sarcastic remark. Any smart, sensible person would have gone around me seeing that I couldn’t move off the pavement safely while they could have done so and gone on their merry way.

With the woman with the long lead, I would say thank you but would also shake my head and say to myself how pointless a long lead is and about too many irresponsible dog owners.

Why should she say thank you for a man completely needlessly standing to one side or a woman unblocking the path she blocked with a dog lead? That's ridiculous.

I always say hello / good morning and smile but I certainly wouldn't say thank you.

There is a special place in hell for those walking three abreast on a path. They always move as I tend to speed up so it probably looks like I'm taking a run at them.

Oh well, here's looking forward to you having to step around someone that can't be arsed to move aside for you, tripping over a dog lead and maybe breaking something when you fall.
Have a lovely weekend.