Why say thank you?

[OfcourseitsaNC]

A man stopped on the wide pavement and stood to the side to allow me to pass. He didn't need to. I didn't say thank you, as it was a pointless act. I heard a very British mumbled sarcastic comment "Well THANK you".

Yesterday, a woman pulled the very long lead on her dog in so that there was no longer a cable across the width of the path. I didn't say thank you to her either.

I'm done saying thank you to people who either do something pointless which was never needed, or who are correcting incorrect behaviour.

AIBU?

No they didn’t consider the person they supposedly stepped aside for . They were considering their own ego and desire to get a thanks to feel as if they’ve been nice.

The same people who do this are often he last ones to step up if someone is in actual need eg. A woman looking for someone to help her carry a pram upstairs.

The point is you are signalling that you think he is a prat and that you are more important than him. You are showing that you think you have more right to the space than he does. All the space. So what if two people "could have" got through the gap - he obviously thought he did need to move so as not to be too close. He conceded the space to you.

The "thank yous" that we say are constant little signals that we don't think we are more important than others, that we are not up for a challenge or a fight, that we respect the other person as having an equal right to the space so there's no need to fight. It's primal. When that goes you get a continuous tension, a sense of threat, we don't concede ground, the biggest dog gets all the space.

Most people see that. Animals know it.

And it's considerate to recognise when other people are being considerate of you and to respond appropriately, for example, by thanking them ;-)

You're guessing wrong.

It was the sarcastic thank you I got from the man who stopped on the 4 person + wide path that prompted the thread.

Pretty simple, the less people show appreciation for people carrying out a kind, respectful or considerate act the less they will do them. Then we get to a situation where we all complain about why people aren't kind, respectful or considerate.
A smile in recognition costs nothing.
Honestly you're looking for agro where there is none.

I'll thank someone who steps aside on a narrow path, as people do to me.

If I am on a country path with little foot traffic, maybe occasional cycle traffic if more formed paths, I will have my dogs on full extension. That's the whole point of taking them to isolated country paths. I see a cycle or other person coming, I call them in and stand aside while I hold them next to me. The cyclist almost always says thank you. I figure this is because they appreciate that I am being considerate and giving them room and controlling my dog for them, when I'm sure they come across a lot of the opposite. It's actually quite pleasant to have that little exchange too, where we smile at each other with a smile. Just a little social interaction.

I thank people who hold doors for me. People usually thank me for holding doors for them. I think people who don't hold doors are rude.

It brings a little warmth to the world when people are considerate and there is acknowledgement. It costs nothing.

You already sound like a prat so you won't be getting any thanks. Still I guess that won't bother you.

Feel free to be a rude fucker.

Whatever floats your boat.

Costs nothing to be pleasant and have manners.

Ffs.

And another issue with thanking everyone for anything even slightly resembling being vaguely OK/decent/doing what they should be doing…they start thinking they’re doing something great rather than just the bare minimum like moving a leash so it’s not covering the pavement. Just do what you’re meant to do if someone thanks you fab! If not carry on - You didn’t do anything extra or special.

Had they shown consideration in the first place by keeping the dog on a short lead, then they would have got a good morning from me as is often the way with walkers on that path. 😉

Wow OP.

You were rude..end of.

I agree OP. I also think it's very different to a car giving way to you if you have right of way as they are actually being forced to be 'put out' by you being on the road. It might be their obligation but they are still losing time to you. There was no reason for the man to be put out as he didn't need to move.

I always thank people that have given way for good reason or greet people that greet me. However, I'm not going to thank pointless actions from silly people seeking out golden stars from strangers. I'm very happy and friendly in general though!

OP - you are no doubt one of those who wouldn't smile at a stranger or pass the time of day with another human just because you can.

There are no prizes for being professionally miserable. It's ok to be nice.

It's possible to be considerate with a dog on a long lead. Maybe not in busy places, but in quiet places. I walk mine where I might see one person pass the entire time, if anyone at all. They are on a long lead and called back and restrained with the lead shortened while passing someone else. Works for everyone. I normally get thanked for doing what should be normal. Probably because too many don't or have them off lead with no recall.

Something which I try and do is to excuse other people's less than ideal behaviours at times. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps their mind was elsewhere, perhaps they are having a bad time at the minute with a sick relative, an abusive partner, a stressful job, and they aren't really in the moment and concentrating in the same way as they might ordinarily be. I find this forgiving outlook, where I look for the best in everyone, really helps me stay positive and helps my own mental health. Anyway, maybe that's just me! :-D

So op, pretty much everyone has told you that you are wrong and a bit unpleasant. None of them have had to do this, but everyone has given up their time to help you learn. I haven't seen any thank yous from you. So it's not just prats you don't like thanking, but pretty much everyone!

OMG YES! YANBU. It annoys me so badly when someone stops when there is plenty of space, either forcing me to say a thank you that is unnecessary or don't say anything and leave myself open to abusive comments. I have, on multiple occasions, turned round and said well you didn't have to stop? There's loads of space to get past'.
But most people will say yabu but honestly, fuck them.

I agree with both your recent posts @BBQchickensalad . I have no problem with dogs off leads or on fully extended leads in the right places.

I'm sure you'd agree a moderately trafficked footpath is not the place to allow the lead to be on full extension. Poor dog will be back and forth quite frequently.

And this is why the norm is becoming to not attempt a considerate act toward strangers and the exception is consideration. ... 🤦‍♀️

Or for doing something they should have already had the common courtesy to do

So you want people to have common courtesy to you but don't treat them with common courtesy by thanking them for it??

OP - what is your thoughts on the nice to be nice argument? Like you don't owe them a thank you but giving one is just friendly and might make their day.

I'd like you and OP to meet each other head-on on a path which is right on the borderline of acceptability to graze past each other, just to see what happens... 🤣

I assume you don't thank doctors, nurses, retail or hospitality staff etc? After all they're just doing their job, they don't need thanked for what they're employed to do?

Same thing. You sound like a delight to be around

Yes, I agree with that. Short leads where it's busy.