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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague taking too much time off for baby illness?

324 replies

NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 13:53

My close colleague (shared workload), has been back from maternity a few months (working full time), but this is the 4th time she’s taken time off because her DD has a bug and can’t go to nursery. Employer is generous and so it’s paid time off, her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

I have 2 young kids, so understand it’s difficult, but when mine were at nursery DH and I would share the absences, emergency pickups etc, and juggle work to cover each other? I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

AIBU to think her DH should be covering some of these sicknesses, at the moment it’s having a real impact on my workload as I’m having to cover!

OP posts:
hoglets · 06/10/2023 13:56

I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

You said it's paid time off so why would she work the weekend? It's not her husband's problem you have an issue with workload.

I do get your frustration but you need to speak to management so they arrange sufficient cover. Simple as that.

comfyshoes2022 · 06/10/2023 13:57

I appreciate that it’s frustrating when your close colleague is out of the office a lot. But if she’s taking days she is entitled to have off, which it sounds like she is from your post, I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong.

lilyblue5 · 06/10/2023 13:57

YANBU to complain to higher up about your workload.
YABU to complain about your colleague. Those first few months starting nursery are hellish. I remember weeks and weeks of sickness that I thought would never end.

Original poster
NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 13:57

hoglets · 06/10/2023 13:56

I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

You said it's paid time off so why would she work the weekend? It's not her husband's problem you have an issue with workload.

I do get your frustration but you need to speak to management so they arrange sufficient cover. Simple as that.

Because it’s a small team and the work still needs done.

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 06/10/2023 13:57

Yes Yabu. She is getting paid leave. The company does nit have an issue with it. Why would she make it up?

SunsetsAndSandwiches · 06/10/2023 13:57

I think this is something you need to take up with your manager rather than your colleague?

If she is entitled to paid time off, then I suppose it's fair enough that she is using it. If her child has been ill a lot, she might not be getting much free time or much sleep so I can understand her not wanting work to take over the weekends.

YANBU to feel put upon though- as I say, ask your manager how they plan to deal with the work that isn't getting done because you shouldn't be expected to work longer hours to cover it.

Original poster
NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 13:58

lilyblue5 · 06/10/2023 13:57

YANBU to complain to higher up about your workload.
YABU to complain about your colleague. Those first few months starting nursery are hellish. I remember weeks and weeks of sickness that I thought would never end.

I know they are hellish! I remember them well…but shouldn’t the load be shared if there are two parents?

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 06/10/2023 13:59

Who are you to say how other people should be managing their work loads? Just because you can or feel you should work extra doesn't mean everyone can or should either.

This is a management problem at your workplace.

stayflufft · 06/10/2023 14:00

It’s annoying that you have to pick up the slack but your colleague has a young child who is unwell. It can’t be helped. Maybe speak to your manager rather than letting it fester.

jumphopskip · 06/10/2023 14:01

Absolutely agree with you that they should be sharing. I've actually seen this play out where the mum was told she'd no longer be paid for covering her little DD's sickness - it must have been galling for her employer to be told she had to be the parent taking time off, "because you pay me for it but DP's employer won't pay him".

But this really needs to be addressed by her line manager, with you approaching your workload challenges as a separate issue.

InTheRainOnATrain · 06/10/2023 14:01

The issue isn’t really with your colleague, or with her DH not doing his fair share, it’s with your employer. They need a better contingency plan for staff absence than expecting the other half of the team do 2 people’s work. Take it up with you manager.

ColleenDonaghy · 06/10/2023 14:01

YANBU at all to think her DH should be doing his share.

However we both know that in reality many women are left to carry the can on this as so much else.

You're not her line manager so I'd just try make your peace with it, it won't last forever and it's good that you work for a supportive employer. If the workload isn't achievable, speak to your manager about that.

Fightyouforthatpie · 06/10/2023 14:02

NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 13:58

I know they are hellish! I remember them well…but shouldn’t the load be shared if there are two parents?

Show quote history

It's really none of your business is it?
The reason it affects you is shit management; it's not up to you to dictate how a colleague manages their home life.

AgnesX · 06/10/2023 14:02

He should but if he won't or isn't then the load falls on her. C'mon, you know this if you've been on MN for more than 5 mins.
If she's taking PTO then she's allowed to.

What is it with MN and co-workers griping on about what their other co-workers get or do today. Have you not got enough to keep you occupied?

Alwaysanotherwine · 06/10/2023 14:02

The issue is that you have to cover

you don’t

do your own work and let it pile

I never understand people doing two person jobs

just do your own

amidsummernightsdream · 06/10/2023 14:02

Jesus mind your own business. If you are struggling with additional workload then fair enough but speak to your boss.

However, it has got nothing to do with you what her family does and whether you think she deserves time off. Literally nothing.

SunsetsAndSandwiches · 06/10/2023 14:02

I don't have children, but my work have much more generous benefits than my DH's offers e.g. paid time off for domestic emergencies (including sick children) and to attend medical appointments etc.

I see it as part of my overall pay and benefits package (i.e. I would earn more salary if these benefits were not on offer). If we do have children, I wouldn't feel guilty about being the one taking time off when they are sick rather than my husband using his annual leave or losing a days pay.

Not saying you have to agree with the stance, but considering the benefit as part of the package might help you se why your colleague feels justified.

lilyblue5 · 06/10/2023 14:02

NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 13:58

I know they are hellish! I remember them well…but shouldn’t the load be shared if there are two parents?

Show quote history

I guess that would be ideal.
I know I didn’t have this luxury though.
I think even in 2023 a lot of women still have to work and provide childcare.
My husbands employer was nowhere near as flexible as mine..
I do feel for you though, it’s shit.

Cornettoninja · 06/10/2023 14:02

YABU because it isn’t your place to think anything about how your colleague arranges her family life.

YANBU to find it difficult to cope picking up the extra work. You need to talk to your manager and/or simply do what you can and leave it at work when you leave for the day.

hoglets · 06/10/2023 14:03

I know they are hellish! I remember them well…but shouldn’t the load be shared if there are two parents?

yes, in an ideal work. But family dynamics are complex. Not everyone has a partner pulling the weight. You have no idea what is going on behind closed doors. and let's be real, even in 2023, the lion share of caring responsibilities falls into the lap if women.

And in any case, work have ok-ed her leave. Speak to management.

Tinkerbyebye · 06/10/2023 14:07

Time to speak to your manager, and advise you can’t keep picking the work up. They either pay you overtime, if you want todo it, or accept not everything she should be doing gets done when she is off and she has to pick it up when she is back

Toooldtocareanymore · 06/10/2023 14:08

I agree with you , as it that's what should happen and the good side of being self employed is you can take time off when child is sick, but I also 100% agree with other comments , this is not your issue but your workplaces one, we have a HR manager here who always discreetly asks 'and is your husband doing tomorrow if x child still sick', or, 'can you split the day off with your partner' just gets across that we don't feel we have to be expected to put up with staff not showing up all the time. Too many times we find they never even thought that it wouldn't be them doing childcare. If work is not being done because insufficient cover you will just have to let it not be done , I also 100% think you should never work at weekends if you had to take time off for being sick,

coxesorangepippin · 06/10/2023 14:08

So do the same and have paid time off too

SummerHouse · 06/10/2023 14:09

In theory it should be 50/50 impact on each working parent in terms of covering child sick days. I would say this is a massive piss take and her DP should be covering half of it. Not sure what you can do though other than raise with line management.

Lightningrain · 06/10/2023 14:10

I see your point about it being shared, and in an ideal world it would be. It sounds like your employer is the issue by not having diffident cover for staff being off work for whatever reason.

I have self-employed friends (male and female) and their roles often don’t have the flexibility as there isn’t anyone else to cover. Some of them work away or travel around the country so it’s not possible for them to pick up a child from school or nursery at short notice (or rearrange the rest of their week to accommodate). If they cancel a day or two of work when they’re already booked up for a couple of weeks they risk losing clients.

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