Colleague taking too much time off for baby illness?

[NameChanged45678]

My close colleague (shared workload), has been back from maternity a few months (working full time), but this is the 4th time she’s taken time off because her DD has a bug and can’t go to nursery. Employer is generous and so it’s paid time off, her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

I have 2 young kids, so understand it’s difficult, but when mine were at nursery DH and I would share the absences, emergency pickups etc, and juggle work to cover each other? I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

AIBU to think her DH should be covering some of these sicknesses, at the moment it’s having a real impact on my workload as I’m having to cover!

I am employed and dh is self-employed. It depends on the day obviously, if dh doesn't really have any urgent work planned, he'll take the day off, but by default, I get paid leave through my employer and I use it, because I'm allowed it and it's paid. Dh does not get any sort of paid leave - not for childcare, not for sickness, not for a family holiday. So it makes sense for him not to take unpaid time off when I have the time off paid. During COVID, I did all the homeschooling and childcare while trying to balance work, because dh had a business to keep afloat and no work meant no business coming it. All other things being equal though, yes, we do share the time - dh does school runs and days off in school holidays when I need to work, but we lean towards me taking time off because there is no financial impact if I do. I do try my best to make up work in a timely manner, but my colleagues' workload is ultimately their responsibility and the responsibility of their line manager.

Thanks all, I am actually also her line manager (but not that much higher in seniority) and she line manages 3 others (who do different work). But the actual day to day workload is shared between us two.

i can speak to my line manager about it (who also makes the ‘bigger’ decisions regarding resourcing etc)

YABU. Ideally, both parents should split the leave but considering her DP won’t be paid, it’s clear that she is the one who has to take it off. Not that it’s any of your business, but in the current climate it’s not really a stretch to assume that they (edited a typo) won’t be able to make ends meet if he takes the time of rather than her. Regardless of that, their finances and work situations are really none of your business.

As other posters have said, take your workload issues up with management and stop watching other people’s clocks and pockets.

Your colleague is taking the piss but ultimately why not, as your manager is allowing it. However, your issue should be with manager and not colleague

I understand what you are saying OP. I can understand your frustration. There is another possibility and she is covering it with 'he is self employed' and that is, its her husband that is the problem and she cannot do much about it.
My ex would never take a day off work to look after DC because they have never been his priority and he wasn't even self employed or the breadwinner.
It did leave me with awkwardness at work when on the (thankfully) rare occasions my DC were ill and was especially noticeable when one was ill one week and then the other caught it the next. It caused a few arguments but he didn't change, even after we split.

Literally am going through this at the moment although DP and I aren’t together anymore, he’s just such a dick about the whole situation even when we were together he was very much a “you get paid”. It makes me so cross and I feel like I’m taking the complete piss but what else can you do

If it's affecting your workload, talk to your manager - about your workload. Her arrangements are none of your business

To all those saying you can see why she's doing it as her DP won't be paid - he will be. He'll just have to make up the time on the weekend instead of those weekdays.He has to suck it up because that's the reality when you're the parent of a small child.

You can't ask a random colleague to work harder to accommodate your family's needs.

We've all been there with them being new at nursery. But this sounds like a jobshare so it must be having a real impact on you.

OP may I suggest something like "I won't be able to do [extra hours/time] as I've a long-term commitment that can't be rearranged".

And stop doing the extra.

Im surprises at so many responses saying this is really none of my business…if it is directly affecting my work (which my colleague would normally do almost 50% of), how is it not my business? It’s a smallish business with tight margins…We can’t just have people on standby just in case people are off…others have to cover.

If it's paid time off, it's even more reason why she should work a few hours over the weekend to make up the time off possible (ie she's being paid to do the work so should try to actually do the work if possible out of good will). I'd only understand her reluctance to catch up on the work if it was unpaid

It stuck out to me that your her line manager, paid more, yet she "shares" your workload. There's more than just her partner potentially taking the piss out of her here. I wouldn't be overly concerned about leaving you to pull your weight if I was her either.

@obje are you familiar with the concept of having paid time off??? The point is you do not work!

This is my thought too! She is very well paid my most people’s standards too BTW.

I’m with you OP. I can totally see why you’re annoyed. You shouldn’t have more work to do just because your colleague’s husband is self employed. Their financial situation shouldn’t mean you work more because she covers all the sickness. I think you need to talk to your line manager. If work isn’t done then it isn’t done and it shouldn’t be your problem to sort out if management have given her time off.

I agree with this. I went back to work when in September just before DS turned 1 and he was honestly sick so much in the first year.

But they should share the load. It shouldn’t fall to one parent to cover it all.

I was discussing this post with a friend and I almost wrote your last post @NameChanged45678
So many ppl say speak to your manager to find cover. But as far as I know only medical and teaching have bank or supply staff. Where will you find a fully trained individual specific to your organisation to work at a moments notice for an unspecified length of time? And where would a budget for that come from?

The work cover bit is of course your business, and that needs to be resolved within your organisation, as it is negatively and unfairly impacting you.

But who looks after her baby is not your business at all. How she runs her marriage, and whether or not her husband takes the same amount of time off is also not your business.

You are conflating two issues:
Problem 1 - who covers her absences (for whatever reason) at work, and the fair allocation of work. This needs to be resolved by you, her, and your respective line managers.
Problem 2 - who cares for her baby when it is sick. That is entirely her business and not your affair at all. You only need a solution to Problem 1.

This is very good advice.

Honestly - it’s none of your business. Why are you speculating on their personal life? Very weird

Im surprises at so many responses saying this is really none of my business…if it is directly affecting my work (which my colleague would normally do almost 50% of), how is it not my business?

What's impacting your workload is your business.

Her family arrangements are not your business.

It comes down to company policy. Is there a limit to how many days she can take off for example? Are there protocols around how her work should be covered in her absence? Those are the questions that need to be asked.

I suppose it depends if her DH works alone or with a team who may not be able to work weekends themselves. Or maybe he has customers booked in that can't be changed easily?
My DP couldn't have time off in the week easily as he would have to tell his team not to come in, they may not be able get on site at the weekend so they would all lose pay.
I have been in your colleagues shoes and it is awful. My boss moaned at me constantly that EXDP did not share the childcare load, he was alone in a shop, but I couldn't do anything about it.
Another colleague who was a single parent had so much time off the company changed its policy and stopped paying us when DC were sick. Maybe you shouldn't complain too much in case they do this!

Your issue should not be with your colleague but with your company not finding appropriate cover when your colleague has to take time off because her baby is sick. If you haven't flagged it with management then that's your own fault. Perhaps they have no idea you are struggling with the increased workload. I really think it is totally unfair to harbour resentment towards your colleague. My son was sick with back to back bugs when he started nursery, thankfully I wasnt working so I could take care of him but he must have been ill 8 wks out of 12 (no exaggeration) and I'm thankful that I didn't have the stress of juggling work. Just because you managed to work and have young kids it's not fair to judge your colleague. All kids are different, some more get more sick than others. Everyone's personal circumstances are different and if I was your colleague and my employer had generously supported me whilst I had to take leave due to my child being sick then I would see that as a positive.

You’re talking like you’re the owner - are you?

what is none of your business is what her OH does or doesn’t do, or what she does or doesn’t do with regards to childcare. Literally fuck all to do with you.

If the work load is an issue highlight it to you manager and it’s up to them to either speak to her or deal with it in another way.

The only input from you is the work situation. Your opinion about her childcare arrangements mean nothing.