Colleague taking too much time off for baby illness?

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My close colleague (shared workload), has been back from maternity a few months (working full time), but this is the 4th time she’s taken time off because her DD has a bug and can’t go to nursery. Employer is generous and so it’s paid time off, her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

I have 2 young kids, so understand it’s difficult, but when mine were at nursery DH and I would share the absences, emergency pickups etc, and juggle work to cover each other? I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

AIBU to think her DH should be covering some of these sicknesses, at the moment it’s having a real impact on my workload as I’m having to cover!

OP is picking up the slack, as other will have done when they were off tending to their sicklings, but their attitude towards a fellow colleague struggling with a sickling just stinks! I wonder if their attitude would be the same if the child was terminally ill 🙁

this is a long long way off what I’m taking about…healthily kids get bugs and temperatures constantly which excludes them from nursery. Is it right that one (higher paid) parent of a two parent family takes off all the time to cover this?

YANBU. You're having to work extra because a colleague can't organise her life.

Is it right that one (higher paid) parent of a two parent family takes off all the time to cover this?

ah, so you’re actually on a crusade for social justice not trying to micromanage a families resources for your own benefit.

Not sure that’s an ethical move without you colleagues consent to be part of it. Maybe she doesn’t agree with you.

It’s not your business how they share sick child cover between them. Whether it’s “fair” or not, I suspect most couples would do the same if one got paid leave and the other was self employed.

It IS your business that you end up covering for no extra pay. This is what you need to be focusing on. Speak to your line manager.

if I complain then there is a risk our managers response will likely be to not to pay her…which I don’t really want to do. I’d rather just cover the workload/extra hours and hope she was just off less

Honestly, it’s not your problem how your manager deals with it. She probably knows already she is pushing it and there’s a risk the company’s tolerance will run out. It IS your problem that you are doing a load of extra work for no extra pay.

I’d rather just cover the workload/extra hours and hope she was just off less

Thats not exactly working out for you however

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But that’s a parenting issue for them to sort out. Unfortunately it’s not up to you to have any say in how they run their household or manage their parenting responsibilities.
You are not unreasonable to be annoyed… maybe speak to management to request support or extend deadlines based on the ‘team’ being incomplete and therefore unable to complete the work in the allotted time. I wouldn’t be covering for her if it affected my own non-working time.

This. Don’t conflate the two issues, it diminishes your argument

One thing I’m taking away from this thread is that traditionally male occupations either aren’t that flexible, or men like to maintain the fiction that they aren’t. Whereas women’s apparently are…? Just another form of workplace discrimination we need to dismantle, for the sake of both men and women.

If you’re talking about the building industry, then it isn’t particularly flexible, particularly when contracts often rely on various trades all being on site at the same time. And that’s not fiction.

OP there may be legal reasons your employer is ok with this.

You need to get employer to reduce the impact on you. Maybe ask for a third staff member or a temp? Or your boss steps on and does more work?

Right now they are not incentivised to solve it because you are working for two.

Hand the problem back to them. Maybe they will get cover or maybe deadlines will be missed. Be upfront about what you can and can’t do. It isn’t your pay grade to make the decisions for your employer unless you have hiring rights.

If I read this right, you are her line manager and you are the person approving discretionary paid time off and it's a small company, and you are also the person picking up the slack. Your own line managers would back you up not approving it but you don't want to be mean.

You need to have a frank conversation with her directly about this, or you can't keep approving the time off. It probably won't be comfortable but otherwise you will keep resenting the situation.

I don’t think all of the many women who have said their husbands simply cannot be disturbed all have builder husbands, surely.

Lots of women are self-employed hairdressers - that’s not easy to cancel either, and yet somehow it has to be if a child is sick. And the world goes on. See also women school teachers, care workers, nurses. Lots of jobs have massive inconvenience or financial cost associated with taking leave to care for children, and yet somehow when it’s women it can be done.

I’m the default parent in terms of this sort of thing (WFH so allowed to work with child here if needed) other half is also self employed so I get where she is coming from about not losing money/weekends.

But 4 times in a couple of months?? Is that 4 days or 4 separate occasions? Seems excessive!

1. If the baby is poorly that is your colleague main concern. Job is a job. I understand it is hard but it is for management to manage and resolve.
2. if they want to have family time over weekends it is their right and I can understand this
3. I get that DH should take part of the leave to cover the absence but as long as your colleague is taking time off that she is entitled to I don't see any issue with it.
4. your problem is workload but that it is Your problem to resolve with management not with your colleague.

Nothing to do with you how she manages her childcare. Contractually she is entitled tot he time off....You need to raise any workload issues with your HR not her.

By the way, its always me who takes time off to be with my sick baby because he wants his mom not his dad when he is sick and my child is more important than my work.

You need to pick this up with management. I totally get where you are coming from and it’s not fair on you to have to do more work as she has to take time off work. She just doesn’t seem to have the same work ethic that you’ve got and management seem to be ok with it and you are also enabling it by picking up the extra work.
Where I work as long as the work is done we can flex and I pick up the work evening and weekends. Just stop doing the extra work and see what happens. I’m sure then management might step in and see what can be done. I get it it’s stressful and I’ve been through it but it’s not fair to put extra work on you.

My husband is self employed and he earns twice a day what I do, so more often than not it's me that is off with the kids. When they were babies they would settle much better with me too. He's a great Dad, but I was just better at looking after poorly kids. You do feel dreadfully guilty having time off, but most of us just do what we have to.

OP you say you're her line manager and therefore approving her paid time off. This sounds like it can be sorted with a simple conversation? You'll need to check with HR though whether she's entitled to it or not. If it's discretionary then you have reasons not to give it I suppose 🤷‍♀️

Well, I understand how hard it is when a baby/child is ill but yes I agree, that both parents should take time off.
The other issue is regarding what leave policy your colleague is accessing for paid time off. If it’s a sick leave absence policy then that is fraudulent. She is not sick. She should be accessing a carers leave policy. Not even a parental leave policy which is to enjoy time with your child. Carers leave is very rarely a paid leave, unless your company offers such, but I would be surprised. By ensuring she uses the correct policy you can support her to manage the absences better.
This sort of behaviour costs businesses/public sector millions each year in UK and there shouldn’t be anyone saying it’s fine and it’s none of your business.

This ^

If your employer allows paid leave for child illness , you too could take advantage of this perk

The fact that you haven't, I assume, is your choice

Not everyone’s situations are the same so I’m afraid you are just going to have to suck it up

Maybe her husband could be doing more, maybe he couldn't. You don't know, it's none of your businesses. Stop forming opinions based on nothing, about things that you don't know and keep your nose out. If the workload is building up for you then tell your boss you need someone else reliable working with you...but as for whether this could or should be your colleague - you don't know and so you have no opinion.

It should be 50/50. DH gets paid for being off with DS, I don't but I still don't expect him to do 100% of the sick days.
Unfortunately you can't tell your colleague what she should or shouldn't do and what if her partner won't take time off?
This stage will pass but if it's too much work you'll have to tell your manager you need some support.