Colleague taking too much time off for baby illness?

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My close colleague (shared workload), has been back from maternity a few months (working full time), but this is the 4th time she’s taken time off because her DD has a bug and can’t go to nursery. Employer is generous and so it’s paid time off, her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

I have 2 young kids, so understand it’s difficult, but when mine were at nursery DH and I would share the absences, emergency pickups etc, and juggle work to cover each other? I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

AIBU to think her DH should be covering some of these sicknesses, at the moment it’s having a real impact on my workload as I’m having to cover!

Well aren’t you a delightfully supportive fellow parent & work colleague!
The ‘mine were never this sick/sick this much’ & ‘I could share the load so everyone else should do the same’ attitude really gets my back up!

The issue with very young children, at the moment, is that due to lockdowns & isolation covid they haven’t had the contact with bugs they would naturally get as babies mixing with people in the wider world so many have very weak/ underdeveloped immune systems.
Once they enter the bug factories that are nurseries/school they are literally catching everything & everything they are catching is hitting their little bodies really hard.

I hope your workplace continues to be so amazingly supportive of working parents with limited childcare options when their kids are sick.
I also hope you develop more empathy for your fellow parents & work colleagues before that green eyed monster eats you up inside!

You have work ethic A
She has work ethic B

Neither is wrong, but incompatibility causes resentment and frustration.

I wish I worked for this company. We got maybe two or three days parental leave, and then had to use annual leave or take unpaid leave to care for my sick children.

Speak to your boss and ask for help with her share of the work. How did you cope when she was on mat leave?

When she was on mat leave someone was trained to covered her role, but that person has now been seconded to a client for 12 months

She should be sharing with dh the time off imo.

I’m just surprised that so many people think flexibility shouldn’t work both ways. If an employee can take any time off paid when they need to (sick kids, appointments etc), should they not be willing to be flexible make up a few hours if possible to help clear their workload and the strain the time off has put on colleagues?

As her colleague, it's absolutely none of your business how she arranges her childcare so yes, you're being completely unreasonable. However, you're within your rights to speak to your manager about the impact the absence has on you and your workload, and discuss a fair way forward, that does not involve you dictating what your colleague should do.

YANBU if its paid time off there's no incentive to share the childcare.
Whilst I empathise that her child is unwell it shows a lack of teamwork and flexibility to colleagues and employer.

I’m just surprised that so many people think flexibility shouldn’t work both ways. If an employee can take any time off paid when they need to (sick kids, appointments etc), should they not be willing to be flexible make up a few hours if possible to help clear their workload and the strain the time off has put on colleagues?

Depends on company policy, doesn't it?

The company should be clear about how this work needs to be covered. For example, if this was a school, they would bring in supply. Other businesses would handle it differently. In my own workplace, I would make up the time, but everyone is clear about this and how it works.

There doesn't seem to be that expectation in the OP's work.

You are the reason people don't want to work with or hire people with children.

IMO YABU. I would say whatever works for them. My partner is SE and I’m in part time employment.
When I went back to work I told them to think of me as a single parent as my partner will not be taking time off work to pick up our LO as he would make my hourly wage driving to a job, it would make no sense in terms of income.

If he was finishing early for the day/had the day off then by all means yes.

Could be the same for them? Plus being SE he could be all over the place and it maybe quicker for her to get the child.

However as she’s only just come back to work, there is a huge adjustment her LOs immune system will be going through as they’re exposed to lots of different things. It’ll calm down and balance out.

As others have said, their arrangements really are not your business. If it’s affecting you it’s your own management you need to take it up with

And you’re the reason workplace inequality has thrived.

If you need people for your business to function they’re going to bring people problems with them.

You do understand the law regarding parental leave? Your company clearly pays employees for this, which isn’t a legal requirement, but they cannot force the parent to then work the hours they’ve missed/taken as parental leave. Management should allow for this and arrange appropriate cover.

When my eldest was little, he got sent home from nursery at least once a month for runny poop. He was absolutely fine, just happened to be that he was loose occasionally. But nursery rules meant he then had to have another 2 days at home and I had to take the time off work. My DH (now ex) couldn’t take time off because of his job so it was all on me. Some families simply can’t split the child care easily during the week. My DH used to travel miles each day for work and had to be on site for a specified time. Leave also had to be booked weeks in advance. Me on the other hand worked in an office as part of a larger team so workloads were shared much more easily.
YANBU to moan about the work but YABU to moan about her childcare set up and family availability

Just stop paying for her absences. Most companies have a limited amount of sick leave and then is Annual leave or unpaid leave.

Perhaps if you stop paying for her leave, the husband will share the time off (as you mentioned he makes less).

If you're worried about taking that decision, then take it up with your manager and explain how it's affecting you and be ready to tell how many days she has been absent in the last month or so

Not at all @Honeychickpea
OP is the reason why people with children are FORCED to leave the workforce & scared of joining it!

Just because they managed their family life the way they did doesn’t mean the person they work with can or should!!
OP’s attitude to her work colleague is disgusting.

I imagine there is a lot of work place animosity, bullying maybe, & stress put on the other person when they do come back to work, after the sleepless nights & stress of being stuck at home feeling like you are letting everyone at work down because they are stuck at home, but that hasn’t been mentioned. You can literally feel the annoyance in what OP has typed in their comments… I managed so they should too :-(

Personally I would employ a person with kids over one without because they can multitask like demons, will bend over backwards to get everything that needs to be done done & only take time off if it is genuinely necessary! #noduvetdaysforparents

OP is picking up the slack, as other will have done when they were off tending to their sicklings, but their attitude towards a fellow colleague struggling with a sickling just stinks! I wonder if their attitude would be the same if the child was terminally ill 🙁

I hope the colleague getting all the bitching & whining done behind their back leaves then OP will truly find themselves carrying the workload alone.

Listening to the work explanation in one comment I see no reason why the person off with the sick child couldn’t do ‘some’ work from home during these times, I mean zoom, teams, e-mail, drop box etc etc etc were developed just for situations like this & if their work colleague has older kids now an extra hour or two on an evening to make sure the work is sorted so it isn’t left in the pile for the next day shouldn’t be beyond them.
Delay from the caring parents side may mean their side of the work isn’t done instantly but at-least it would mean the work load can still be spread, to a degree. but I see OP hasn’t thought outside of the box for that option.
The type of work they do might not allow it but the vague description makes the job seem quite document, conversational based & all these things can be done remotely now.

At the end of the day these children are the future workforce & if they are too sick or damaged to work, when they are older, we are all stuffed!!!
They are also helpless humans who can’t care for themselves when they are sick or injured!!!!

On top of that many nursery’s & childcare facilities now have very strict policies on temps, vomiting, etc meaning parents often have no alternative even if their child only has the sniffles.

Hope that explains my stand on the matter. OP’s double standards stink.

Unfortunately you are your own worst enemy then. Discretionary is if it’s working, this isn’t. Your manager has no idea you are overwhelmed.

If she’s just gone back to work then little one will have just started nursery and be going through that stage when they are literally constantly ill, I remember it well with my little ones and even ended up giving up work with each of my Dc and setting us back years financially and career wise. Thankfully people seem generally much more understand since covid. Please cut her some slack and take up any workload issues with manager, with COL the DH might not be able to afford time off

I don’t think she should be working on the weekends to make up for her time
off. But I do think her partner should be equally sharing the burden of sick days and I think she’s a fool for going along with the current arrangement. He’s probably being a dick about it or can’t be trusted with the baby for long periods of time. It will eventually effect her career prospects if she’s regularly off work with sick kids.

@Cornettoninja Exactly.
At the end of the day people will have picked up the slack when OP was off with their sick kids so their double standards stink.

It's all very well companies offering flexibility for parents (most often mothers as others have explained), but it's usually not them actually providing the flexibility, it's people like the OP. And rarely is this acknowledged by the firms or the individual availing of said flexibility.

If companies want to be flexible, they need to not staff departments at minimum levels with no slack. Or operate flexi time so that the paid hours are still worked.

One thing I’m taking away from this thread is that traditionally male occupations either aren’t that flexible, or men like to maintain the fiction that they aren’t. Whereas women’s apparently are…? Just another form of workplace discrimination we need to dismantle, for the sake of both men and women.

From that perspective, some of the apologists on this thread who will not have the status quo questioned or challenged are working against women’s interests long term.

They won’t see that though. They just see ‘it’s my right’ and ‘my husband is too important to be bothered’ and ‘my baby comes first and you’re being a meanie pointing out the inequity in my marriage’.

Change is a long way off, I tell you.

Your boss won’t remember you when your ☠️ she’s doing the right the thing you however, seem to be going over and above for your job

Just do your job, if her side falls behind then thats on her. Not for you to work extra to cover her.