Colleague taking too much time off for baby illness?

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My close colleague (shared workload), has been back from maternity a few months (working full time), but this is the 4th time she’s taken time off because her DD has a bug and can’t go to nursery. Employer is generous and so it’s paid time off, her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

I have 2 young kids, so understand it’s difficult, but when mine were at nursery DH and I would share the absences, emergency pickups etc, and juggle work to cover each other? I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

AIBU to think her DH should be covering some of these sicknesses, at the moment it’s having a real impact on my workload as I’m having to cover!

Do not cover the work because it masks the problem.

Let the work pipe up. It's the businesses problem and it will not be addressed if the work happens

For me the issue is people taking the p of policy. Like is she trying to make other arrangements or is she just like it's paid time off so happy days. I have a colleague who since we started working from home if her kid was sick it's just no problem I'll work from home. At 1 point we didn't see her for months! Before we were able to do this she would def have made other arrangements as otherwise would have been unpaid which I know she would never have done.

@WimbyAce if she is working from home and the work is being done how is she taking the p ?

I am guessing that in this case "working from home" is a euphemism for having a day off

@5foot5 if that's the case then that needs to be resolved, productivity can be monitored . Plenty of people work from home and do loads of work. Its most certainly not a day off for them

You are right.
Just doesn't seem to happen in practice.
Employer has a reasonable right to expect that time off to take care of a dependant is split between a couple.

If you are her line manager can you maybe suggest that being paid for these days can only continue if she catches up on the work, or at least some of it, over the weekend maybe?

YABU because you don't know their set up. Her DH could lose a day's pay or perhaps even his job for repeat absences where she has protection (rightly).
Sucks to be a working parent of a young child.

DH and I share any sickness duties. We make this transparent to our colleagues as well - so I'll say "DC isn't well today, so DH is looking after her at home". He does the same about me. There is no way I'd want my colleagues to get the impression I do all of the pick up and looking after. And we'll both make up the work where needed - we're both in flexible jobs with a lot of autonomy, where I'd say the trade off is that the work still mainly needs to be done by us in each of our roles.

I know it's easier for us to both work this way compared to say if one of us was a doctor, but there is also a point that neither of us wants to take the piss and, given the flexibility we're fortunate to each have, we want to maintain good relations with our employers and colleagues.

No not so much this as we do get a lot of work done from home. The issue is we are meant to be in the office a certain number of days a week which we all stick to. Except she didn't as "child was sick". Just feels like some people play the system.

Of course it's none of your business what her arrangements are for emergency childcare. You are privileged to know the information you do in the first place , she doesn't have to tell you anything. Her husband could be working on an oil rig for all you know, the employer does not get to dictate how someone's partner manages their workload and time.

Your telling me! From the start of the pandemic to late 2021 I worked from home and worked damned hard. I would say my productivity was at least as good as when I was in the office.

But in this case, given that @WimbyAce is complaining about it, it sounds like her colleague may well be not as scrupulous about pulling her weight

i imagine this will happen in an afternoon to catch children coming home from school.

If so, could OP storm round in a brightly coloured towel and give them hell?

@WimbyAce " But the work got done ? Did you get saddled with extra work cause she wasnt physically in the office? So what does it matter then if in the office or not ?

@5foot5 totally agree. Work from home myself and get loads done. If you looked at my work day in the offices i do sweet F all. I actually hate going into the office now as it just frustrates me and i get nothing done, spend rest of week playing catch up

Why would anyone give up their weekends because their wife’s colleague is resentful?

If one parent's salary covers the overwhelming majority of expenses in a family, then it makes sense for the other parent to be taking the majority of sick days, etc.

If you're being asked to pick up the slack, that's what you address with your manager, not your colleague's absences.

As a family they maybe do whats makes sense financially for them. My partner earns more so I usually stay off when the kids are off school 🤷‍♀️

Your problem is what you want, is just not going to happen. Maybe the situation will naturally resolve in time, or maybe it wont. You can wait and see and suck it up in the meantime, or take action. If you are her line manager cant you speak to her and say you will have to raise it higher if it keeps happening as you cant keep working extra hours to make up for her not being there.

Just do your own work and stop enabling this.

Or take loads of time off for your own ‘sick’ DC and then management will need to step in.

This is a management issue.

People take time off for all sorts of reasons;

Maternity/paternity
Illness
Compassionate leave
Care for dependants children, elderly, other family members
Emergency situations
Secondment
Sabbatical
Holiday
A combination of the above

The work still has to be done

You may need cover in the future ?

It matters because the rest of us do our share of being in the office. We would all love to work more from home but the expectation is that we do our turn in the office. It is busier in the office in terms of supporting junior colleagues and manning the phones. I think people are being naive if they think that this kind of thing doesn't grate on other colleagues.

I think you should raise it in the sense of how it is impacting you and the wider team. It might be that there is nothing your boss can do and need to find another solution.

But anyway, the crux of it is it needs raising with management as if you don't it just goes on as they assume everyone is happy.

The problem is of your own creation.

You’ve approved discretionary time off while realising the predicament you would be in and the impact on the business.

I would speak to the colleague first regarding her childcare arrangements, to make it clear the current situation is unsustainable. And speak to higher up to develop a clear policy on how to handle this and the reduction in productivity. Not sure which one to do first.

As for whatever went on with you and your husband vs her and her husband, you can’t really be judging or making comparisons. Different people, different relationship, different jobs.

If her DH is in a trade people won’t want them round working at the wkend, and adjusting at the last minute could mean losing weeks of work further down the line.

Keep it to management of the workload and division of responsibility.