Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague taking too much time off for baby illness?

324 replies

NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 13:53

My close colleague (shared workload), has been back from maternity a few months (working full time), but this is the 4th time she’s taken time off because her DD has a bug and can’t go to nursery. Employer is generous and so it’s paid time off, her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

I have 2 young kids, so understand it’s difficult, but when mine were at nursery DH and I would share the absences, emergency pickups etc, and juggle work to cover each other? I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

AIBU to think her DH should be covering some of these sicknesses, at the moment it’s having a real impact on my workload as I’m having to cover!

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 14:54

Fulshaw · 06/10/2023 14:47

I don’t know the nature of your work but can’t you just not cover her stuff? Just do your own and leave hers for when she gets back.

Not really, the work will go like this….

  1. Task comes in (needed to be finished that day), I start it off,
  2. collegues does her bit
  3. i check colleagues bit and add my comments etc, and finalise to send output to client.

lots of tasks like this, 2 can sometimes take a bit of time, but I need to do it if she is not there’s

OP posts:
IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/10/2023 14:54

NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 14:24

Im surprises at so many responses saying this is really none of my business…if it is directly affecting my work (which my colleague would normally do almost 50% of), how is it not my business? It’s a smallish business with tight margins…We can’t just have people on standby just in case people are off…others have to cover.

Of course it is your business. Ignore the idiots on here saying it is not.

Your company needs to provide cover for her is they are going to keep giving her paid leave.

Is there any limit to the paid leave?

IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/10/2023 14:56

NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 14:54

Not really, the work will go like this….

  1. Task comes in (needed to be finished that day), I start it off,
  2. collegues does her bit
  3. i check colleagues bit and add my comments etc, and finalise to send output to client.

lots of tasks like this, 2 can sometimes take a bit of time, but I need to do it if she is not there’s

Show quote history

People asking ridiculous questions like that have never worked in a small company and never have to do other people's work which is why they are saying you are being unreasonable.

Just ignore them.

Baffled1989 · 06/10/2023 14:56

@NameChanged45678 you need to raise the issue of workload with your manager, not that your colleague is off due to child sickness.

Mrsttcno1 · 06/10/2023 14:56

YABU, of course. She’s taking paid time off to look after her poorly child, this is one of those situations where somebody needs to tell you- it’s not about you!

Her DH doesn’t get time off paid, hence she is taking the time off so it doesn’t affect the household financially. Totally normal and what most families do!

If you have an issue with the work load then you need to speak with whomever necessary and explain that you need extra hands on deck for assistance during those times. It’s not her fault her child is unwell, it’s not her fault that her partner does not get paid sick leave, and it’s not her fault that your company is ill prepared to manage staff illness/absence.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/10/2023 14:57

Panicking23 · 06/10/2023 14:53

She would maybe still be the one taking the time off if it was unpaid, which gets you nowhere and just makes life that bit more difficult for her. Your workplace has a policy that's great for working mothers, its not on your colleague that you didn't use it as frequently with small children.

I really don't see this as taking advantage any more than you/the company taking advantage of her by paying her less to have the same workload as you.

It's literally your job as her manager to delegate whatever you can to the teams and yourself to cover her workload, and escalate if this isn't possible.

I can bet you she wouldn't if she wasn't getting paid. She would ask her partner to share the burden or make up the time later so that she does get paid.

cherryscola · 06/10/2023 14:57

@IMustDoMoreExercise erm OPs business begins and ends with management arranging cover for the other colleague who is off, not her colleagues childcare arrangements and whether or not her or her husband is covering the child's sickness.

Even more ridiculous that OP is in fact the one approving the leave!?

Grow a backbone and say this doesn't work for the company for it to be paid and it will have to be taken as unpaid or time needs to be made up another day.

Fulshaw · 06/10/2023 14:57

NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 14:54

Not really, the work will go like this….

  1. Task comes in (needed to be finished that day), I start it off,
  2. collegues does her bit
  3. i check colleagues bit and add my comments etc, and finalise to send output to client.

lots of tasks like this, 2 can sometimes take a bit of time, but I need to do it if she is not there’s

Show quote history

OK, so what would happen if you didn’t have time to do her bit on all of the tasks that came in that day and so the clients didn’t get it back by the end of the day?

DanceMumTaxi · 06/10/2023 14:58

Her home situation is directly impacting your workload so I’d say it is your business. In every other situation people on mn shout about the women being left to do all the childcare and how unfair it is and the man needs to step in and do his bit too, but for some reason here no one seems to think it should be shared 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sallyh87 · 06/10/2023 14:59

It will only be a few months of getting every illness and then the child’s immune system will improve. Your colleague probably is already stressed and feels badly, don’t be horrible.

gwenneh · 06/10/2023 14:59

I do work in a small company. I do not regularly need to do other peoples' work because the company is well-managed with redundancy for workloads. It was my responsibility to oversee that skill-building for my department as well.

This is still not a colleague issue. Life happens. Babies are difficult. This is a management issue, partly on the OP.

JC89 · 06/10/2023 14:59

If one parent gets paid time off for looking after sick children and the other doesn't, I'm not sure you can really blame the parents for using the paid option... My DH's job sometimes let him use (paid) sick leave to look after DS so we did that rather than either of us taking unpaid leave or using annual leave when it was allowed.

This sounds like a work/manager problem - if you keep quietly covering her work then management won't know there is a problem! Stop just doing it, they can either arrange cover or get your colleague to use annual or unpaid leave some or all of time she needs to look after her child.

DanceMumTaxi · 06/10/2023 15:00

But the dh could make up hours at the weekend so wouldn’t necessarily lose any pay.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/10/2023 15:00

cherryscola · 06/10/2023 14:57

@IMustDoMoreExercise erm OPs business begins and ends with management arranging cover for the other colleague who is off, not her colleagues childcare arrangements and whether or not her or her husband is covering the child's sickness.

Even more ridiculous that OP is in fact the one approving the leave!?

Grow a backbone and say this doesn't work for the company for it to be paid and it will have to be taken as unpaid or time needs to be made up another day.

So you are saying that it is not her business and then you are saying she needs to grow a backbone and do something about it?

Which one is it?

Of course it is her business if she is having to cover the colleague's work. It doesn't matter why she is off work, it could be that she was on long term sickness, it would still be the OP's business as it is directly affecting her workload.

cherryscola · 06/10/2023 15:00

@DanceMumTaxi but who in their right mind would loose money for a days work if the alternative is paid leave? Which is being approved by OP btw?

If the DH in this scenario also had the option then I would fully agree it ought to be shared.

Millybob · 06/10/2023 15:02

Of course they should be sharing - but there's nothing you can do about that.
Just work your hours. It's not your problem if she comes back to a backlog.

ActDottie · 06/10/2023 15:02

I think anyone being offered paid time for child sickness would take it over their partner taking time off. YABU this is t an issue with her it’s an issue with your employer if your workload is too high.

cherryscola · 06/10/2023 15:05

@IMustDoMoreExercise urgh really? Read what I said properly. OP is complaining about the OP not splitting it with her husband - the reason why OP is off is really none of her business.

What IS her business is the fact that it's affecting her workload - so the options are stop approving the leave (grow a backbone) or go higher up and ask for advice or be honest and say there needs to be a solution as they are struggling to cover the other colleague who is off.

MidnightOnceMore · 06/10/2023 15:05

NameChanged45678 · 06/10/2023 14:49

I'd be incredibly thankful that yours are healthy enough that you're able to be in work consistently.

trust me they are not! But DH and I share the time off, and I will always make up the hours later, or at weekend to catch up for any time I’ve taken.

YAB completely U.

You don't have to work weekends when you are off.

You don't have to split the time with your DH.

Youu can't demand other people do things you volunteer to do.

Leave your colleague be, and stop being a martyr yourself.

rocke · 06/10/2023 15:05

You're her line manager and the one granting this as paid leave outside any policy but then begrudging it, you need to have a discussion with her and say while you know how tricky it is when little ones are ill it is impacting the business and others workload, if there are no other options such as her husband sharing the burden she will have to take annual leave or unpaid.

PrudeyTwoShoes · 06/10/2023 15:06

I’m the one approving the PTO….sorry I’m not describing the setup very well…if I complain then there is a risk our managers response will likely be to not to pay her…which I don’t really want to do. I’d rather just cover the workload/extra hours and hope she was just off less.

After reading this 👆🏻 I wanted to add:
OP, I completely understand why you'd be reluctant to complain about this as she'd know it was you and it'd make working life difficult if she didn't get PTO in future. How good is your relationship with her? Maybe a quick conversation to say that you're struggling to manage the workload would help. She may catch up on the work at the weekends if she knows it's bothering you.

GoldenSpangles · 06/10/2023 15:07

I wouldn't care if she was a single mother with 10 children, a hungry dog and one leg. What she is doing is making sure that her husband doesn't have to rearrange his work schedule and leaving all the work for her manager when she has frequent absences. Having a child and putting them in a nursery while she works was her choice. People who have their domestic lives in order and have made their choices aren't obliged to work longer and harder to make other people's life choices work or make their life easier.

You should absolutely complain. So what if your manager's response is not to pay her. Reclaim your weekends and evenings. Why should you put up with her choices? It would be a different matter if she did some extra work or worked in the weekend but she's not doing that, is she? Why should you as her superior be approving PTO and doing her work for her when she is not even meeting you half way by putting in some extra hours to cover the PTO. You are being a bit of a mug here.

This is the hard won wisdom of 30 plus years of managing professional staff. I am generous with time off for sickness etc but my team meet me halfway by putting in the effort to get any urgent work completed in time.

MidnightOnceMore · 06/10/2023 15:08

DanceMumTaxi · 06/10/2023 15:00

But the dh could make up hours at the weekend so wouldn’t necessarily lose any pay.

Rationally, if person A gets paid time off and person B would have to reschedule the work to the weekends, person A is going to take the time off. Only a martyr would do otherwise.

DanceMumTaxi · 06/10/2023 15:08

I understand that as a family it’s better financially for the women to be off, but surely she realises the extra workload she’s putting on others? She does seem to have had a fair amount of time off.

Iamnotastick · 06/10/2023 15:09

How do you know DH isnt also taking days off for childcare?

There are also jobs where its just hard/impossible. Perhaps he doesn't get paid time off, perhaps he has the kind of job that has a bigger impact if he is missing e.g. paramedic.

No one is going to die if there's someone absent in an office set up etc.

Rather than punch sideways to your colleague who is probably stressed shitless about this, talk to management if you actually are struggling with the workload and not just pissed off that someone else isnt being such a martyr about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread