Colleague taking too much time off for baby illness?

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My close colleague (shared workload), has been back from maternity a few months (working full time), but this is the 4th time she’s taken time off because her DD has a bug and can’t go to nursery. Employer is generous and so it’s paid time off, her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

I have 2 young kids, so understand it’s difficult, but when mine were at nursery DH and I would share the absences, emergency pickups etc, and juggle work to cover each other? I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

AIBU to think her DH should be covering some of these sicknesses, at the moment it’s having a real impact on my workload as I’m having to cover!

We work late and do it if possible, if not then it goes out next day with apology but creates a backlog of tasks the next day

I guess the problem is that if company policy allows her to take the time off, she's doing nothing wrong. Yes, it would be nice if her DH would split the days off with her, but again, they're doing nothing wrong there either. And it's certainly not up to you to suggest it. If company policy isn't working for the majority of workers, then the policy should be changed. But if the majority of workers are happy with it, then it should remain as is.

I was pretty much always the default 'sick child' parent, but my work was set up that my absence created nothing but a small ripple in the days work. Someone had to see my clients and we had enough staff to parcel them out, but all paperwork was left on my desk to sort out when I got back. If she's out, can client deadlines be pushed out a few days? Or if your work is computer based, is there any way she could do at least some of her part WFH on the days she takes off? There will be some days when her child is ill enough that she may not be able to, but I recall that when my DC were off with a bug (other than D&V), there was quite a bit of 'quiet time' when they were resting or sleeping.

Maybe she just wants to look after her own baby when they are poorly? It would go completely against my instincts as a mother to not care for my Ill baby.

I find it odd that somebody would wonder why a mother of a young child would prioritise her child over a job.

She isn't doing anything wrong, she is making full use of the company policies.
It's the company you have a problem with, or at least with your management as they are allowing her using their policies to negatively impact other staff members.

You should address your concerns to the management but focus on you, don't mention her and her baby or her husband.

Your workload is piling up and you're taking on too much that is negatively impacting your ability to do your job to the best of your ability.

Because there is another parent who could care for the baby. She isn’t a single mum with no help.

In an ideal world it would be 50 50.
YANBU to state to HR or your manager that there's too much work and you can't do it all. Then they will have to either hire a temp, try to pay someone overtime to cover outstanding tasks, or be willing to accept that there will be a delay in the completion of tasks. It is not your responsibility to figure out a solution, its your managers. Don't take onboard the stress of this situation, it's not worth it.

The OP is complaining about her workload. One of the reasons is because the colleague is not splitting it with her husband, nor asking the grandparents to look after the baby, whatever.

It doesn't matter what the reason is, it is still the OP's business.

Ugh those first few months are grim.

My workplace is great with these things so it was always me who mainly took paid time off to look after DS. My DH is super hands on but doesn’t get paid to take time off for this so it entirely made more sense for me to do it than him, because no one can afford to miss out of wages. He has phoned in sick a couple of times when I’ve had really important meetings/presentations, but I don’t condone that generally.

It’s up to my boss to manage the workload of our team. One of my colleagues is a single parent and it’s always her who has to deal with anything child related, which we completely understand. It’s swings and roundabouts.

Tbh it’s just a job, the world won’t fall apart if she doesn’t turn up for a couple of days.

The employer doesn't get to decide, though. The employer can deny the time off, or insist that it is unpaid, or manage the workload differently, or let the employee go - those are all things they can do. They can't insist on a change in family dynamic.

It doesn't matter what the reason is, it is still the OP's business.

OP's business begins and ends in the workspace and includes management practices and workload. Colleague's family dynamic is not any of OP's business.

You're her manager and approving it. That's why she's taking advantage of it. The only reason this policy is working is because you're approving it with her and covering for her with your manager.

If it's at your discretion you need to have a chat with her where you point out the amount of PTO she's had, how you're working extra to cover, and in future it would be better if she adopted flexi working when her baby is sick because you won't be able to continue the PTO at this rate and might need to look at arrange cover because it's unsustainable.

Well then, depending on how pissed off you are about this, you need to let this happen.

Irrelevant. The policy is what it is.

Someone's home set up is not up for discussion.

It's not really your place to say how she and her DH arrange childcare when their kid can't go to nursery. Those are decisions for them to make in a way that suits them, not in a way that suits you. If your employer allows paid time off for a sick child (although it's not really clear from your post whether that's taken from her annual holiday allowance or additional) then she can choose to take them up on it.

I also don't think 'Her husband could work at the weekend to make the time up if he doesn't get paid in the week) is a reasonable argument. Why would/should he do that if he doesn't have to?

Have a word with your boss about workloads and absence cover if you need to but don't bring your colleague's choices into it.

No, she's not a single parent t. Yes, parents ideally pull their weight fairly. BUT no employer can dictate how a relationship should or shouldn't work. The employer has to deal with HER and whether they feel she's being reasonable. It sounds like the employer isn't aware of any problem with the workload so far

Is there a set number of days per year for carers leave? Or is it just as much as needed? Maybe once her days are used it’ll start to even out?

You need to go to your Manager and say it is unfair your workload is increasing and they need to work out a solution to that. I would just keep the focus on making sure your workload doesn’t go up because of your colleague’s increased absences. They need to look at getting cover in if it is having a big impact on your workload (I know thats difficult if you cant predict when she will be off).

if discretionary payment, then you know the answer

I once had a somewhat similar situation. I pondered aloud to said colleague that DH and I would follow suit - aka I would take all future emergency childcare leave in our family and colleague could pick up all the extra resulting work. He then shared emergency leave with his partner. (I would never have followed, but he didn’t know that.)

Always amuses me that people think self employed people can just juggle their work to suit their- - they still have clients and expectations and not going in to work that day might have a knock on effect to other trades or cost the client money

I would def talk to your manager as I would resent picking up the extra work while she gets paid time off.

What she does with agreement from her line manager is not your business.

The impact on you and if the workload is unmanageable, you raise with your line manager to help you prioritise your work.

As long as you keep doing the work, it doesn’t affect the business and the management will continue to give her time off. Do the work you are paid to do.

cant get it all done as colleague is out a lot. Not your problem.

I used to be an idiot and give too much. Then I realised it was on me, I stopped and guess what - they hired another person. As it didn’t matter how much I did I wasn’t getting paid more!

I used to work in retail in a place with very little flexibility- we had such little staff that three out would mean the shop wouldn’t open! As a result dh had to take time off when kids were sick. Before that, years ago, the reason I gave up work was because he had no flexibility and I had to take the time off. My manager started asking the questions you’re asking and finally I just left and became a sahm. Kids getting sick is enough of a nightmare already, please cut your colleague some slack

Partner is a self employed construction worker. There is no way we could do child's sick days 50/50. I do the majority. There is absolutely no way I would do extra hours to catch up on work missed. Life is too short.

I think your anger is directed in the wrong direction. Having a work system that ultimately falls apart if one person is absent in an emergency is a huge problem.