Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to stop watching horrific stuff when I’m in the room?

195 replies

Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:09

Only one tv in our house and generally I’m not that bothered about what’s on. DH gets all the sport he wants, lots of nature programmes and documentaries he likes, some comedies which I don’t find funny but whatever.
However he also watches a load of violent stuff which I hate. I know it’s on tv so maybe it’s not that bad by most people’s standards. It’s probably stuff rated 18 - Sons of Anarchy for example.
I HATE it. I really hate the violence, people screaming, getting beaten up / tortured / shot - I think my tolerance for it is very low.
AIBU to ask him to turn it off if I’m in the room? He has a full day at the weekend when I’m at work when he can watch, plus two nights in the week when I’m not back until late.
Ive just walked into someone being tortured and then buried alive - I don’t even know what the show is. I’ve asked him to turn it off and he won’t so I’ve gone back upstairs.

OP posts:
cansu · 05/10/2023 22:10

I hate violent stuff too. I think though that you should be able to watch different things. Could he watch in a different room or on headphones if you are both downstairs?

Daffidale · 05/10/2023 22:10

Given he has time alone in the house when he can watch it, no you’re not BU

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:11

No I wouldn’t turn the TV off if my partner didn’t like what I was watching. How odd.

So is he meant to sit there and watch nothing instead because you entered the room?

cansu · 05/10/2023 22:11

Maybe you should get another TV.

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:11

cansu · 05/10/2023 22:10

I hate violent stuff too. I think though that you should be able to watch different things. Could he watch in a different room or on headphones if you are both downstairs?

First line says they only have one tv

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 05/10/2023 22:12

No I wouldn’t turn the TV off if my partner didn’t like what I was watching. How odd.

Really? I think you’re the odd one! I would never make my partner watch something that made them feel uncomfortable. I’d just watch it when they’re not around.

tootsweetss · 05/10/2023 22:14

YANBU. There's plenty of time for him to watch it when you're not there.

alittlequinnie · 05/10/2023 22:15

Oh my gosh I'm so pleased you started this thread OP.

My husband often seems to be watching this type of thing. I HATE it - I walk past and I can hear some woman screaming and then gunshots... or the sound of fists hitting faces etc.

My tolerance is also very low for this type of thing. I don't watch anything that if I saw in real life would mean I'd need therapy!

My DH is v.mild mannered so he is happy to put his headphones on if it disturbs me!

I find it has got a lot worse the older I get! I honestly thought it was only me - nobody else seems to be bothered by it!

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:15

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 05/10/2023 22:12

No I wouldn’t turn the TV off if my partner didn’t like what I was watching. How odd.

Really? I think you’re the odd one! I would never make my partner watch something that made them feel uncomfortable. I’d just watch it when they’re not around.

They don’t have to watch it too… they can read a book or play on their phone. I wouldn’t immediately turn off a series I was watching just because they are afraid of a bit of blood.

and it’s normal every day TV.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 05/10/2023 22:15

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:11

No I wouldn’t turn the TV off if my partner didn’t like what I was watching. How odd.

So is he meant to sit there and watch nothing instead because you entered the room?

If I'd had an entire day to watch my stuff and x 2 nights and my partner was disturbed by what I'm watching on our only shared tv then yes I would.

I'd be pretty selfish not to

Original poster
Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:15

I’m not fussed about tv - as in there’s stuff I like but I know he wouldn’t. I quite like reality tv (trashy). He doesn’t, so we don’t watch those which is fine. I’m not that bothered, happy to sit and read if I’m in the living room and it’s sport or a documentary or something on which he likes.
It is just the violent stuff. If I go and sit upstairs with a book he then sulks that I’m not spending time with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:16

Not afraid of blood - horror and gore doesn’t bother me. It is the violence - torture and people being terrified / crying and screaming.

OP posts:
tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 05/10/2023 22:17

Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:15

I’m not fussed about tv - as in there’s stuff I like but I know he wouldn’t. I quite like reality tv (trashy). He doesn’t, so we don’t watch those which is fine. I’m not that bothered, happy to sit and read if I’m in the living room and it’s sport or a documentary or something on which he likes.
It is just the violent stuff. If I go and sit upstairs with a book he then sulks that I’m not spending time with him.

So with that extra info I think he's being a bit of a dick about it then

crumblingschools · 05/10/2023 22:17

Does he let you watch what you want to watch?

DH and I watch some programmes together but there are some things that only one of us like. We either watch them when the other person isn’t around or ask if the other person doesn’t mind if they watch a particular programme. I don’t like violence, so anything above my limit DH will only watch when I am not in

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:17

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 05/10/2023 22:15

If I'd had an entire day to watch my stuff and x 2 nights and my partner was disturbed by what I'm watching on our only shared tv then yes I would.

I'd be pretty selfish not to

Show quote history

It’s also pretty controlling to tell someone what they can watch and when they can watch it.

Mumsanetta · 05/10/2023 22:18

What does he say when you ask him to switch it off or watch something else?

crumblingschools · 05/10/2023 22:19

@Dnendns surely it should be more compromise and consideration of other person in the room. One person should not have control of remote, and be aware it’s a shared space

MidnightOnceMore · 05/10/2023 22:19

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:11

No I wouldn’t turn the TV off if my partner didn’t like what I was watching. How odd.

So is he meant to sit there and watch nothing instead because you entered the room?

What?!

I would always switch off something that was upsetting someone else if in the main lounge.

Original poster
Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:19

Hmmm. I’ve not seen it as controlling before.
No - we never put something on if it’s something he doesn’t like but I do. I just don’t watch or on the odd occasion I’m here and he isn’t I might put something on then.

I think it’s more than just not liking it, it makes me feel sick and then it’s stuck in my head.
I’ve felt he has the tv all the time for whatever he wants to watch and so it wouldn’t hurt him to put the stuff I really hate on when I’m at work.

OP posts:
MidnightOnceMore · 05/10/2023 22:20

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:17

It’s also pretty controlling to tell someone what they can watch and when they can watch it.

Show quote history

It's really not that situation (edited as I didn't finish my thought!)

McQueensMuse · 05/10/2023 22:20

Depends how bad my anxiety disorder is, If it's at a high (like now) I ask my partner to turn off anything violent or even just featuring mild threat.
Of course he does (and sits through yet another episode of downton abbey)
YANBU as he has plenty of time to himself to watch those kind of things.

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:22

MidnightOnceMore · 05/10/2023 22:20

It's really not that situation (edited as I didn't finish my thought!)

Edited
Show quote history

Yes it is.

Telling someone you can’t watch this and you can only watch it Sunday is controlling.

MidnightOnceMore · 05/10/2023 22:23

Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:19

Hmmm. I’ve not seen it as controlling before.
No - we never put something on if it’s something he doesn’t like but I do. I just don’t watch or on the odd occasion I’m here and he isn’t I might put something on then.

I think it’s more than just not liking it, it makes me feel sick and then it’s stuck in my head.
I’ve felt he has the tv all the time for whatever he wants to watch and so it wouldn’t hurt him to put the stuff I really hate on when I’m at work.

You're NOT being controlling. You're asking for a normal family lounge situation.

ChaToilLeam · 05/10/2023 22:23

My DP either has to watch that stuff when I am not around, or use his laptop with headphones. I don’t care if it is just a TV show or a film, I find extreme violence, torture and gore really upsetting and it bothers me for days. I don’t want to see it or hear it at all.

He is quite happy to do this because he knows how much such scenes bother me.

GlindaGossamer · 05/10/2023 22:24

I'm with you on the very violent stuff, I know people get a variety of things out if it, but I've never enjoyed it. And since I was stalked for a long while by a nasty guy (not an ex-partner), and genuinely thought I might die, really not fan of violent crime drama.