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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to stop watching horrific stuff when I’m in the room?

195 replies

Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:09

Only one tv in our house and generally I’m not that bothered about what’s on. DH gets all the sport he wants, lots of nature programmes and documentaries he likes, some comedies which I don’t find funny but whatever.
However he also watches a load of violent stuff which I hate. I know it’s on tv so maybe it’s not that bad by most people’s standards. It’s probably stuff rated 18 - Sons of Anarchy for example.
I HATE it. I really hate the violence, people screaming, getting beaten up / tortured / shot - I think my tolerance for it is very low.
AIBU to ask him to turn it off if I’m in the room? He has a full day at the weekend when I’m at work when he can watch, plus two nights in the week when I’m not back until late.
Ive just walked into someone being tortured and then buried alive - I don’t even know what the show is. I’ve asked him to turn it off and he won’t so I’ve gone back upstairs.

OP posts:
persisted · 05/10/2023 22:46

I’m similar to you OP, and really did not like Sons of anarchy. DH knew this and mostly watched it when I was out. If I happened to come in mid way through an episode I’d go and do something else.

Fantasy, aliens, space, obviously made up blood and gore no problem. Stuff like that, war films, far too real for me.

He won’t sit and watch bake off, and I don’t make him. It’s not unreasonable to work around preferences.

Cowlover89 · 05/10/2023 22:48

I love sons of anarchy!

Cowlover89 · 05/10/2023 22:48

I love sons of anarchy!

Verbena17 · 05/10/2023 22:49

Doesn’t he have a tablet/iPad that he can watch stuff on?
He’s being a bit of an arse expecting you to sit with him and watch stuff you don’t like watching.

Hawkins0009 · 05/10/2023 22:49

Cowlover89 · 05/10/2023 22:48

I love sons of anarchy!

im not fussed about the show but one of the main actors in it is also in the film the gentlemen i believe

ForthegracegoI · 05/10/2023 22:51

It’s the opposite way round here: I love gore, violence, horror. DH hates it: he can’t even watch greys anatomy without feeling faint.

so I watch my stuff in my own time, alone. Usually on a tablet in the kitchen while cooking. If I get some time alone and there’s ironing to do, then I’ll watch it on the tv.

I would never ever expect DH to watch something that upsets him. I accept that what I like is my particular taste and it’s offensive / upsetting to some people. so I make sure I watch it in my own time.

There’s stuff he likes that I find boring (cooking and fishing shows mostly) but they don’t give me nightmares so I don’t mind them being on, I just read a book if he wants to watch them.

so I think your DH is being unreasonable: he wants to watch stuff that is upsetting to you, he does it in his own time. Having said that we’ve made sure that there are different viewing options we can watch different stuff ie tv in living room, console in kids room, tablet in the kitchen and’ laptop in the bedroom.

most evenings, DH, DS 12 and i can find something to watch together of an evening (looks forward to the need status of Ghosts!)

ellyeth · 05/10/2023 22:51

I would find it very unsettling because I wonder why people enjoy violence and torture and I think it says something about their character. It would actually put me off being with someone like that.

Peachy2005 · 05/10/2023 22:52

Headphones - he should be willing to use them.

Icedlatteplease · 05/10/2023 22:52

@Dnendns

You find someone who expresses a dislike of violence entertainment dramatic?

But torture and violence towards another person on a scene is ok and normal?

Do you think maybe it might be possible exposure to violence scenes on a regular basis might skew a person perceptions of normal human reactions?

You'd be shocked to hear I also ban David Attenborough after the baby chimp cannibalism incident and dead killer whale mother.....

We have very different value systems

MabelMoo23 · 05/10/2023 22:53

I feel the same. Some things that are harmless but just aren’t to my taste I just read or scroll mindlessly on my phone (such as DH’s love of reality police / emergency tv shows)

things like Gangs of London? Nope. Not a chance. I hate it and leave the room

Mumsanetta · 05/10/2023 22:56

I actually hate Sons of Anarchy. There was that awful kidnap and rape scene near the beginning and it ruined it for me, so unnecessary.

crumblingschools · 05/10/2023 22:57

Why are some posters telling a woman she has to leave the room if DH is watching something she doesn’t like, whereas it is fine for the DH to not let the OP watch anything she likes

10HailMarys · 05/10/2023 23:00

YABU to think he shouldn't watch it when you're around. He's an adult and he's watching TV for grown-ups. It's not his fault you have a low tolerance for this sort of thing - he really isn't watching anything extreme. It's mainstream TV for an adult audience and if I were in his shoes, I do think I'd find your reaction irritating and childish.

If he genuinely does sulk just because you don't want to watch these shows with him, that is unreasonable of him. However, I strongly suspect that perhaps you make an unnecessary performance out of going to sit elsewhere.

Codlingmoths · 05/10/2023 23:02

And then HE SULKS because you’ve left the room? I’d be done with that!! Tell him you are increasingly not interested in being in the room with him since he’s an asshole? I’m on the fence about watching it but being mad about you not sitting there in the room…. Go into the room, pick up remote and say since you’re a 3yo who sulks if I leave because I fucking hate watching this violent stuff you watch, I’m turning it off every single time I see it. Every time till you remember I’m actually a person , not an extension of your wants.

10HailMarys · 05/10/2023 23:03

I wonder why people enjoy violence and torture and I think it says something about their character.

It doesn't. HTH.

Icedlatteplease · 05/10/2023 23:03

10HailMarys · 05/10/2023 23:00

YABU to think he shouldn't watch it when you're around. He's an adult and he's watching TV for grown-ups. It's not his fault you have a low tolerance for this sort of thing - he really isn't watching anything extreme. It's mainstream TV for an adult audience and if I were in his shoes, I do think I'd find your reaction irritating and childish.

If he genuinely does sulk just because you don't want to watch these shows with him, that is unreasonable of him. However, I strongly suspect that perhaps you make an unnecessary performance out of going to sit elsewhere.

The OP says she's fine with him watching it when she's not around to walk in on it.

crumblingschools · 05/10/2023 23:05

@10HailMarys so what the DH not letting OP watch what she wants?

Lifeomars · 05/10/2023 23:06

Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:16

Not afraid of blood - horror and gore doesn’t bother me. It is the violence - torture and people being terrified / crying and screaming.

I hate that too, I imagine what it would be like and how terrifying and painful it would be. I just don't know how people can find it entertaining. I don't mind a bit of scary creepy stuff but things like Wolf Creek and Eden Lake ( think that was the name of it) really upset me. I would never want to watch any of the Saw films, even the trailers make me flinch

FoghornUnicorn · 05/10/2023 23:07

I stopped watching Sons of Anarchy after a really disturbing rape scene. It just felt it was all done for titillation and shock value to be as horrible as possible.

I think you should just go and read in another room and to hell with him if he moans about that.

DietHelp · 05/10/2023 23:08

10HailMarys · 05/10/2023 23:00

YABU to think he shouldn't watch it when you're around. He's an adult and he's watching TV for grown-ups. It's not his fault you have a low tolerance for this sort of thing - he really isn't watching anything extreme. It's mainstream TV for an adult audience and if I were in his shoes, I do think I'd find your reaction irritating and childish.

If he genuinely does sulk just because you don't want to watch these shows with him, that is unreasonable of him. However, I strongly suspect that perhaps you make an unnecessary performance out of going to sit elsewhere.

Did you read all of OP’s posts? He pretty much gets to watch what he wants at all times and all she’s asking is him not to watch those particular things on the odd occasion she’s with him. He also has plenty of time when she’s not there.

And just because you don’t think it’s extreme, doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect other people differently. Irritating and childish for not enjoying violence and torture..I’d suggest it is you who is immature and childish for not considering the feelings of others.

Vivi0 · 05/10/2023 23:10

crumblingschools · 05/10/2023 23:05

@10HailMarys so what the DH not letting OP watch what she wants?

This OP hasn’t raised this as an issue, so why are you?

She clearly states that she isn’t that bothered about the TV. She doesn’t say that her husband doesn’t let her watch what she wants, her issue is that she doesn’t like what her husband is watching and thinks it should be switched off when she enters the room.

Givemepickles · 05/10/2023 23:10

My DH loves that stuff too but is happy to switch it off if I'm around as I hate it. Your DP is BU. It's horrible stuff to see and hear and you should not have to put up with that in your house. He can watch it another time or with headphones.

snackprovidersupreme · 05/10/2023 23:11

Totally reasonable! And is it me, or is mainstream tv much more explicit and
violent (torture, sexual violence etc) than even just a few years ago? I find it very upsetting.

Honeybee798 · 05/10/2023 23:11

YANBU. Given he has enough free time to watch it when you’re not there, he should respect that you don’t want to watch it.

Surely most couples watch something that they both like/enjoy when they’re together? In my house, we choose something mutually enjoyable for an evening or weekend watch. If DH is out I watch my programmes, and vice versa. The only exceptions are live sport matches which I have no interest in but DH loves.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/10/2023 23:11

Well yeah exactly. He can't have it both ways. If he insists he must watch it at that time he can't complain that she leaves the room.

Quite so. If he wants the OP to stay in the room surely he can find something else among the oodles of choice we have nowadays that they both can enjoy, and watch the stuff she doesn't want to see some other time. (Frankly though, no one is worse off for not watching torture scenes. ).