To want DH to stop watching horrific stuff when I’m in the room?

[Squishystresspig]

Only one tv in our house and generally I’m not that bothered about what’s on. DH gets all the sport he wants, lots of nature programmes and documentaries he likes, some comedies which I don’t find funny but whatever.
However he also watches a load of violent stuff which I hate. I know it’s on tv so maybe it’s not that bad by most people’s standards. It’s probably stuff rated 18 - Sons of Anarchy for example.
I HATE it. I really hate the violence, people screaming, getting beaten up / tortured / shot - I think my tolerance for it is very low.
AIBU to ask him to turn it off if I’m in the room? He has a full day at the weekend when I’m at work when he can watch, plus two nights in the week when I’m not back until late.
Ive just walked into someone being tortured and then buried alive - I don’t even know what the show is. I’ve asked him to turn it off and he won’t so I’ve gone back upstairs.

Urgh my ex was like that. TV on all the fucking time and would moan like hell when I would go and read or surf the net or whatever but would sit with a face like a slapped arse if I wante dto watch something he didnt like. Basically it came down to "I want you to do what I want with and I will sulk when I dont get what I want". Its pathetic and fucking childish.

He is an ex and I dont own a tv.....happy happy happy.

@Squishystresspig
I think that it is unreasonable to ask someone to stop watching something simply because it makes you uncomfortable. In my house we solved that problem by having more than 1 television ,but even without the other televisions , I just choose to not be in the same room when the programs that I find objectionable are being viewed.

I don't think that my discomfort supersedes the right of a partner to view the television programs of their choice particularly when there are options that would permit me to be in another space while the view their program if choice.

Having options provides a win -win for both of us.

YADNBU. I can't stand The Walking Dead so my husband just watches it when I'm not here, and when I am we watch things we both like together.

But then again he's not an arsehole and wouldn't sulk if I wanted to go and read a book instead of sitting being disturbed by something I hate on TV.

My husband wanted me to watch a scary movie with him. I hate scary/gory movies, so I refused over and over, but he begged, he wanted to see if I would jump, and he was convinced I would love the suspense.

Eventually I relented and he put on Hostel. It traumatised me. I didn’t jump, but I felt ill. what a horrible, horrible movie.

Anyway, DH was beyond sorry. Ever since (many years now) he has always turned off anything remotely violent if I enter the room. I don’t have to ask.He just knows and understands it’s not my thing. So I say you are not being unreasonable at all.

Do you'd agree it's the DH that's the problem here, because he sulks if the OP wants to leave the room?

YANBU.

It is very inconsiderate to poison the main shared living area with something which makes their partner sick.

It's triggering for people who are sensitve to it. I can't watch anything like that as it triggers anxiety, PTSD, etc.

Maybe get another tv with some headphones so he can watch it all he wants and you don't have to see or hear it.

They could have 10 TV's but it wouldnt stop the DH from sulking that she isnt sitting wtih him.

He wants her company but doesnt want to compromise on whats on TV in order to have that company. As I said above, he wants all that he wants and sulks when he doesnt get it. Selfish and pathetic.

It seems pretty reasonable to say there are lots of things he can watch and you will sit with him during, but a few things he needs to save when you are not around. Nothing wrong with that at all and he is an asshole if he does not respond to that.

Disclaimer that I've not read any follow up posts.

I think you are BU to ask him to turn the show off when he's mid-way through. I don't think you're U to have a conversation and ask him to save the violent shows when you're not home, in the future.

@ErrolTheDragon
Sulking is a juvenile response by any adult, and it is particularly off putting in an adult male

Not sure how ppl are missing the difference between -

'this is boring, I don't enjoy it'

&

'JFC THIS IS HORRIFIC MAKE IT STOP'

your OH wants to watch torture & rape for shits & giggles then he should do it with headphones & on a device simply out of respect for how it makes you feel. Which isn't boredom. It's primal revulsion you can do nothing about. It doesn't make him a bad person cos he is happy watching it but it sure as hell does for inflicting it on you who deeply doesn't. Again! This isn't a case of finding something boring or tedious.

Seriously? Sons of Anarchy? There might be violent scenes but there's a lot more to it, the same with any series. It's an 18, yeah. I bet you're both of legal age. What if he goes onto The Walking Dead? You're being ridiculous unless there's some kind of back story here of abuse you've suffered and this is triggering you. This is normal adult viewing, hugely popular. It's fiction. The tv isn't even in your bedroom.
You get your trashy reality tv and he gets his interests. Are you not aware that you will have different tv interests? He doesn't have to pander to your choices because you're childishly squeamish. Family Guy is a cartoon but you'd probably be offended by that as well.
Get a grip OP, you're a grown up in a grown up relationship with another grown up. Feel free to correct me if you've got real life trauma based around this kind of thing.

He's not watching snuff films. It's a hugely popular tv series. Nothing too graphic, more implied than visual. He's doing nothing wrong. Get a grip.

@BabyFireflyx Being popular is neither here nor there. Just cos you're fine with that sort of thing is only relevant cos you refuse to see how upsetting it can be to someone else - previous trauma or not!

There's nothing wrong with this stuff existing but if you really don't like it then your partner should have a little understanding & consideration rather than fill your living space with a noise that freaks you out then sulk cos you cannot stay in the room.

Get some empathy.

FFS....Who the hell cares that this shite is popular?! Who cares that it is on standard TV? Who cares that YOU love it?!

The OP hates it, for her own reasons, and as her husband...ya know, the person who is supposed to love her, he should at least accept that even if he doesnt understand it and would seek a reasonable compromise.

A loving partner would do that. He is refusing. And then, on top of that, SULKING when she leaves the room. What part of this makes HER the childish one?!

I wouldn’t be with someone who watched this. And it’s often women being tortured by men. Violence porn. It’s awful.

@BabyFireflyx
There's nothing normal about it. You've just been desensitized to that type of violence.

It really is mostly women. There is enough violence towards women in reality without it on the tv. Thankfully I live by mysel. I'd never allow that trash in my house.

I used to have this, too. I requested my ex partner only watch stuff like this when I was at work (I worked shifts, so it's quite easy). I'm with you? Those sounds are really disturbing.

i made dh buy apple headphones, under NO circumstance do i wish to hear or see violence on the tv, zero tolerance zero excuse.
why? it gives me months and months of nightmares (in some cases decades), similar to earworms and songs.
to this day i can picture certain scenes in silence of the lambs as well as misery.
so he wears the headphones and i leave the room.
hell on wheels, after he finished that he went onto an asian warlord type that had what seemed like 101 rape scenes and naked women, to which i pointed out that there were no males being raped and no naked men tied to the walls. and discussed how these pathetic tactics are to entice male viewers, and judging by the level of violence and nudity it must be a pretty pathetic "show".

Where did OP say he had to watch "nothing?!" What a bizarre, sulky, childish response!

Eventually I relented and he put on Hostel. It traumatised me. I didn’t jump, but I felt ill. what a horrible, horrible movie

That made me feel sick too.

I genuinely can’t imagine a marriage where I would be really upset and disturbed by something and my partner wouldn’t just watch it when I wasn’t around. Also sulking when you leave the room is pathetic and controlling.

YA so NBU!

I just choose to not be in the same room when the programs that I find objectionable are being viewed.
Thats fine if you live in a mansion though. A lot of people don't. We live in a flat, living/dining/kitchen/hall area open plan. Three bedrooms, one bathroom. So unless I want to go and sit on the toilet or spend my whole evening unable to leave my. bedroom, I don't have another room to go to.

DH is not the most considerate of people, but even he watches stuff I don't want to watch on his iPad with headphones. I don't watch anything gory or violent and I often ask if its suitable for me before watching something with him. Generally speaking, if its an 18 I don't watch, occasionally watch a 16.

Unfortunately OP tried to leave the room to go elsewhere and read but her partner also objects to her doing this and acts like a mardy 5 year old

But according to some posters OP is the controlling one