Page 8 | To want DH to stop watching horrific stuff when I’m in the room?

Squishystresspig · 2023-10-05T21:09:15+00:00

Only one tv in our house and generally I’m not that bothered about what’s on. DH gets all the sport he wants, lots of nature programmes and documentaries he likes, some comedies which I don’t find funny but whatever. However he also watches a load of violent stuff which I hate. I know it’s on tv so maybe it’s not that bad by most people’s standards. It’s probably stuff rated 18 - Sons of Anarchy for example. I HATE it. I really hate the violence, people screaming, getting beaten up / tortured / shot - I think my tolerance for it is very low. AIBU to ask him to turn it off if I’m in the room? He has a full day at the weekend when I’m at work when he can watch, plus two nights in the week when I’m not back until late. Ive just walked into someone being tortured and then buried alive - I don’t even know what the show is. I’ve asked him to turn it off and he won’t so I’ve gone back upstairs.

Booklover75 · 06/10/2023 22:03

You are not being unreasonable at all. My oh also likes violent shows like Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, Peaky blinders that kind of thing. I will never watch and he completely accepts that just as I accept he has no interest in watching medical dramas like Greys anatomy with me! But we do compromise and find dramas we can both like, he'll watch a bit of race across the world even though not totally his cup of tea, I'll watch police dramas like night agent which are for my perception none too violent. Definitely an idea to find some middle ground so you can watch TV together sociably.

luckysonofagun · 06/10/2023 22:08

If I came in and dh was watching something I didn't like I'd either ignore or go in a different room. If we are choosing what to watch and he suggested it I'd say no.

Growuppeople · 06/10/2023 22:14

Lol I watch what I want, if he doesn’t like it go somewhere else. I’m probably better off single by the looks of it. Why should he turn it off because you don’t like it why does what you want win over what he wants. Get another tv, go read a book or whatever you like to do. If he wants you to spend time with him just say you will if he puts something else on it’s not hard. What is wrong with people seem they can’t do anything alone these days

xxx82 · 06/10/2023 22:16

That’s not at all what OP suggested. She said most of what he watches she doesn’t really like but she watches with him. It’s only the violent stuff that OP struggles with.

and he has other times when she isn’t there to watch it. Changing the programme to something that suits both people isn’t unreasonable. Turning one programme off doesn’t mean you watch nothing

gannett · 06/10/2023 22:18

Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:15

I’m not fussed about tv - as in there’s stuff I like but I know he wouldn’t. I quite like reality tv (trashy). He doesn’t, so we don’t watch those which is fine. I’m not that bothered, happy to sit and read if I’m in the living room and it’s sport or a documentary or something on which he likes.
It is just the violent stuff. If I go and sit upstairs with a book he then sulks that I’m not spending time with him.

Well this is the problem isn't it. He doesn't get to sulk if he's putting stuff on you don't like.

If I'm watching something DP isn't into he'll take himself off somewhere else. And vice versa. We wouldn't expect the other to turn a TV show off on our account. But in those cases neither of us sulk. If we want to spend time with the other person then the activity or entertainment has to be something both of us are into, this is obvious!

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 06/10/2023 23:08

You coming back OP?

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 06/10/2023 23:09

Although I guess this could be one of your work nights

ErrolTheDragon · 06/10/2023 23:12

Growuppeople · 06/10/2023 22:14

Lol I watch what I want, if he doesn’t like it go somewhere else. I’m probably better off single by the looks of it. Why should he turn it off because you don’t like it why does what you want win over what he wants. Get another tv, go read a book or whatever you like to do. If he wants you to spend time with him just say you will if he puts something else on it’s not hard. What is wrong with people seem they can’t do anything alone these days

What is wrong with people seem they can’t do anything alone these days

That's the problem right there - the DH sulks if she wants to go off and do something else instead of having to sit through something she really can't stand.

MiniBossFromAus · 06/10/2023 23:24

Cowlover89 · 06/10/2023 12:50

It's really not. Its has more to it than that. God peoples responses are ridiculous

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Did you notice the IMO - in my opinion.

You may like rape, torture, kidnapping, porn as a form of entertainment. I don't.

That doesn't make me ridiculous. It makes me capable of making my own decisions and having my OWN opinion.

I don't like gratuitous violence.

BatemansTapes · 06/10/2023 23:49

My mum and I get this with my dad, he's always watching something or other with murders, executions and blood/guts in it and we absolutely hate it (mum more than me) Have you considered maybe saying something like "yes hun, you watch an episode or two while I'm doing xyz, but when I'm done, I'd like to watch something we can both enjoy?"
my dad watches his shows for 2h in the early evening while he's eating and then he happily gives up the TV so mum can watch the soaps etc.. Remember it's all about give and take :)

SuzeBr · 07/10/2023 00:07

Same In this house. OH is told by me to switch it off as it makes me uncomfortable so he does

aSofaNearYou · 07/10/2023 06:22

Growuppeople · 06/10/2023 22:14

Lol I watch what I want, if he doesn’t like it go somewhere else. I’m probably better off single by the looks of it. Why should he turn it off because you don’t like it why does what you want win over what he wants. Get another tv, go read a book or whatever you like to do. If he wants you to spend time with him just say you will if he puts something else on it’s not hard. What is wrong with people seem they can’t do anything alone these days

House layout plays a part in this, surely. There is only one comfortable living space in our house so in the evenings, we both want to use it. If we had a bigger house, we probably would do more things separately.

SueDonnym · 07/10/2023 07:06

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:17

It’s also pretty controlling to tell someone what they can watch and when they can watch it.

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It's pretty controlling to put something violent on then accuse the other partner of not wanting 'together' time if they go up stairs.
He just needs to click a button to another channel, OP would need headphones and to swivel their chair away from the horror.

Courtneyanjacksmum · 07/10/2023 19:25

Can you not get another TV in the bedroom, I think that's pretty standard right ???

Scatterbrainbox · 07/10/2023 20:16

I honestly think you need to try and pick up a cheap 2nd TV...

crumblingschools · 07/10/2023 21:18

So who watches the 2nd tv, the person who dictates what is on the main tv or the person who currently has to watch whatever her DH dictates?

Mamma2017 · 08/10/2023 04:10

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:22

Yes it is.

Telling someone you can’t watch this and you can only watch it Sunday is controlling.

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No it’s not. It’s making her extremely uncomfortable. It’s extreme violence being depicted. Plus she’s not telling she’s asking. I’d say your attitude is insensitive and inconsiderate

MissTrip82 · 08/10/2023 04:41

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:15

They don’t have to watch it too… they can read a book or play on their phone. I wouldn’t immediately turn off a series I was watching just because they are afraid of a bit of blood.

and it’s normal every day TV.

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It’s not about ‘a bit of blood’ - my job involves having my hands in bleeding cavities at times and it is not unusual to have someone else’s blood on me - it’s that for some people fictional violence, and especially torture, is extremely distressing. I’ve observed it most commonly in people I’d describe as empathic, or people who themselves have experienced or witnessed violence.

For those people it’s actually not ok to hear the screams of someone we are supposed to believe is being tortured when walking through the living room.

TheBerry · 08/10/2023 14:01

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:11

No I wouldn’t turn the TV off if my partner didn’t like what I was watching. How odd.

So is he meant to sit there and watch nothing instead because you entered the room?

No, just turn over to something else.

There’s a difference between not liking something and finding something genuinely distressing.

If I watch somebody get tortured on a show it makes me tear up, feel sick and shaky, and very very upset.

Caerulea · 08/10/2023 15:04

MissTrip82 · 08/10/2023 04:41

It’s not about ‘a bit of blood’ - my job involves having my hands in bleeding cavities at times and it is not unusual to have someone else’s blood on me - it’s that for some people fictional violence, and especially torture, is extremely distressing. I’ve observed it most commonly in people I’d describe as empathic, or people who themselves have experienced or witnessed violence.

For those people it’s actually not ok to hear the screams of someone we are supposed to believe is being tortured when walking through the living room.

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You're right, though 'not ok' vastly underplays how bad it can make you feel (think you realise this though). It's panic inducing, makes your skin crawl & you just want to get away from the sounds. I'm 45 & can list every scene/film that has made me feel that way cos it stays with you.

Fwiw, I hate it cos I've missed out on things I know I'd otherwise enjoy but it's just such an issue for me & I can't just get over it.