To want DH to stop watching horrific stuff when I’m in the room?

[Squishystresspig]

Only one tv in our house and generally I’m not that bothered about what’s on. DH gets all the sport he wants, lots of nature programmes and documentaries he likes, some comedies which I don’t find funny but whatever.
However he also watches a load of violent stuff which I hate. I know it’s on tv so maybe it’s not that bad by most people’s standards. It’s probably stuff rated 18 - Sons of Anarchy for example.
I HATE it. I really hate the violence, people screaming, getting beaten up / tortured / shot - I think my tolerance for it is very low.
AIBU to ask him to turn it off if I’m in the room? He has a full day at the weekend when I’m at work when he can watch, plus two nights in the week when I’m not back until late.
Ive just walked into someone being tortured and then buried alive - I don’t even know what the show is. I’ve asked him to turn it off and he won’t so I’ve gone back upstairs.

I never understood why as a kid I could watch cowboy /war films galore on a Sunday afternoon with people dieing all sorts of deaths, but if there was any nudity after 9pm then all hell broke loose. I never understood why killing someone or fist fights was ok mid afternoon but a bare boob etc after 9pm was morally wrong apparently.

I really hate how violence is portrayed on tv, people punching each other for minutes on end.... it's not like that, one punch can kill.

It's perfectly possible to watch grownup TV and never see a person behave violently.

HTH

Yanbu! I'm the same, my husband watches his shows (sons of anarchy being one) when I'm not there or upstairs. He knows these types of shows and films really upset me so he has the curtesy to not watch them when I'm in the room or if I walk in and he's half way through he'll pause it and ask if I mind him finishing it then he'll turn it off and which point I'll go upstairs on my phone for 20 minutes then come and join him.

I’m with you OP. I can’t stand any kind of violence that’s ‘realistic’. I mean, I hate violence whatever, but can watch horror films. If it’s an everyday drama type of thing however, then I can’t watch it.

My DH would watch it when I’m not there. We both watch things sometimes that the other doesn’t like, but violence is different to finding something boring.

You've just got a difference in tastes. The TV belongs to both of you. You need to compromise. Have a conversation with him about deciding who gets to watch what when.
Tbh I watch back to back horror, thrillers and true crime when the kids are in bed.. my husband sometimes watches with me but if he's not interested he watches his laptop with his headphones on. And vice versa if I come down and he's watching something I don't like (sport) ill go and watch something on my laptop or do something else. Its no big deal.
Sometimes we will sit down together and choose together what to watch.
I don't think it's reasonable to outright ban someone from watching a certain type of show whenever you are in the house!!
But it is reasonable for you to expect to have fair access to your own tv and have as much time to choose what to watch as he does

Ugh. That stuff is bad for your brain. I'd be very worried about how desensitised he's becoming. It's ugly to want to watch shit like that all the time.

If he sulks if you won’t come into the room and watch things that make you feel sick, I don’t think it’s you who’s controlling!

There are some types of graphic sexual violence or graphic violence against children that I find too hard to watch so would leave the room.
For instance the last time that happened was with a film called 'The Nightingale'
I couldn't watch it.
It never crossed my mind to tell my husband to turn it off though. Why should he not watch it just because I can't? I just left the room and did something else. We watched a different less intense film the next night.
I do love films and will give them all a chance but sometimes some of them have things in I find too distressing. But that's my issue and my responsibility to manage. As long as we are choosing things together and watching a wide variety of stuff I'd never say 'you have to turn this off now because I don't like it'
I wouldn't react well to him saying that to me either.

I hate it too. I don't understand why anyone would want to watch it.

@MsRosley if its not to your taste fine. But do you really need to insult all horror and thriller fans?!
You sound like my gran. Devout christian. Very against any kind of violence on TV. However when it came down to it an extremely abusive 'ugly' individual herself in her behaviour towards others.
Some of the loveliest people I know love extreme cinema.

I loved sons of anarchy , it’s not that violent ! I thought he was watching Friday the 13 or saw lol 😂
If you do not e at yo watch anything , for sure he can watch what he wants ?

You should either watch something you both enjoy, or take it in turns to watch what you want. But that should mean the person whose turn it is gets to chose and the other person gets to decide whether or not they want to stay in the room or move elsewhere. Nobody should be censored and nobody should be sulking because someone has left the room.

@sweeneytoddsrazor I agree

I’m extremely sensitive to it too. I have OCD and when it wasn’t well controlled and before I had treatment, I’d be left with awful intrusive thoughts after watching toture/violence. Now that’s not so bad, but it still affects me.

No I wouldn’t turn the TV off if my partner didn’t like what I was watching. How odd

I would and my husband would. We often do, then choose something we both want to watch.

We always have a series each "on the go", for when we're watching TV apart, and one we both like, which we only watch when we're together. It's nice having something you both like an watching, you can chat about it. It's rubbish you never get to watch anything you like!

But no, yanbu. Why would he want you to not be able to sit with him, or go in your own livingroom?? It's not considerate at all.

From some of the responses here, you’d think he was watching actual torture videos.

From the title of this thread, I genuinely thought the OP’s husband was watching beheadings or something along those lines, but when she mentioned Sons of Anarchy, I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s not real, the participants are actors, the scenes never actually happened and absolutely no one was harmed during filming!

I find it absolutely disgusting that people get their entertainment by watching this type violence, especially towards women and animals. It is a perfectly reasonable for you to set a boundary against having to experience this in your own home.

Buy another tv.

I understand Op, if a show upsets you then you don't need to watch it. The problem here is not you refusing to watch something that upsets you, it's him getting annoyed because you leave the room. If he knows you hate violent programmes he needs to watch something else or not whinge when you leave

….and its not controlling to refuse to turn off something your partner finds upsetting and then sulk if she sits in another room? He is being a dick!

Your tolerance does sound really low, in fairness. I don't think many people would find Sons of Anarchy shocking.

To me, the problem is yours, so you should be the one to avoid it rather than stopping him watching it.

I love horrors, my other half hates them, but then he likes really long, boring artsy films and I hate those. It's just one of those compromising things.

Can you not just cover your eyes at the scrappy bits? Or leave the room?

Don't be so pretentious.

Sorry, just seen that he doesn't like you leaving the room. That's unreasonable.