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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to stop watching horrific stuff when I’m in the room?

195 replies

Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:09

Only one tv in our house and generally I’m not that bothered about what’s on. DH gets all the sport he wants, lots of nature programmes and documentaries he likes, some comedies which I don’t find funny but whatever.
However he also watches a load of violent stuff which I hate. I know it’s on tv so maybe it’s not that bad by most people’s standards. It’s probably stuff rated 18 - Sons of Anarchy for example.
I HATE it. I really hate the violence, people screaming, getting beaten up / tortured / shot - I think my tolerance for it is very low.
AIBU to ask him to turn it off if I’m in the room? He has a full day at the weekend when I’m at work when he can watch, plus two nights in the week when I’m not back until late.
Ive just walked into someone being tortured and then buried alive - I don’t even know what the show is. I’ve asked him to turn it off and he won’t so I’ve gone back upstairs.

OP posts:
ChocolateCroissantCafe · 05/10/2023 22:24

Since he could watch those on the nights when you're out at work, I think YANBU. Some shows are really graphic and upsetting, totally understandable not to want to see or hear all that. He could easily compromise and watch something that you both like or at least not something you're uncomfortable with.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 05/10/2023 22:24

Not if it's just that one thing. It's not like OP is squeamish about Antiques Roadshow. She would just prefer not to hear sounds of torture.

And actually if when she decides to go and read elsewhere to let him watch his entertainment in peace, he gets grumpy, then he's the controlling one really

MidnightOnceMore · 05/10/2023 22:24

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:22

Yes it is.

Telling someone you can’t watch this and you can only watch it Sunday is controlling.

Show quote history

Asking your partner to please turn something off that is upsetting you is what is happening.

The op is asking.

Calling this 'controlling' is ridiculous.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 05/10/2023 22:26

Telling someone you can’t watch this and you can only watch it Sunday is controlling.

//

And acting like a 5 year old when she won't sit and watch/listen to human torture is pretty messed up too

lartune · 05/10/2023 22:26

I think you're being a bit precious. I thought you were going to say it was dodgy clips of real life beheadings or something. But if it's on mainstream TV it can't be that bad. It's probably worth getting headphones for the TV, you should be able to ignore most of it even while staying in the same room. Personally I find it pretty easy to ignore what DH is watching on TV - I'm often on the sofa with him but scrolling through my phone.

Slothlikemum · 05/10/2023 22:26

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:22

Yes it is.

Telling someone you can’t watch this and you can only watch it Sunday is controlling.

Show quote history

It's really really not.

There's a huge for between showing consideration for someone you love, and controlling behavior.

Slothlikemum · 05/10/2023 22:28

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 05/10/2023 22:24

Not if it's just that one thing. It's not like OP is squeamish about Antiques Roadshow. She would just prefer not to hear sounds of torture.

And actually if when she decides to go and read elsewhere to let him watch his entertainment in peace, he gets grumpy, then he's the controlling one really

Well yeah exactly. He can't have it both ways. If he insists he must watch it at that time he can't complain that she leaves the room.

ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 05/10/2023 22:28

I sometimes read posts on here and wonder how on earth couples end up together

Farmageddon · 05/10/2023 22:28

Sons of Anarchy really isn't that bad - it wasn't full of gore and torture, there may have been a few scenes but mostly it was fairly tame.
Surely you could just ask him to skip through the really bad bits, not turn it off entirely?

PonyPatter44 · 05/10/2023 22:30

My DP hates police / prison documentaries. DD loves them, as do I, so we just watch them when he's not around. It seems like the normal sort of compromise you come to when you live with a partner.

Is it odd to only have one telly, BTW? We only have one!

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 05/10/2023 22:32

PonyPatter44 · 05/10/2023 22:30

My DP hates police / prison documentaries. DD loves them, as do I, so we just watch them when he's not around. It seems like the normal sort of compromise you come to when you live with a partner.

Is it odd to only have one telly, BTW? We only have one!

Just one here too ! We're off to a cottage over half term which has THREE TV's!

Minds will blow Grin

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:33

MidnightOnceMore · 05/10/2023 22:24

Asking your partner to please turn something off that is upsetting you is what is happening.

The op is asking.

Calling this 'controlling' is ridiculous.

Show quote history

Or she could stop being so ridiculous over every day tv.

Icedlatteplease · 05/10/2023 22:34

Controlling to not want to watch scenes of torture and violence?

Seriously???

I've heard it all.

Noone watches scenes of torture or violence in my house if there is any chance of me seeing.

NOONE should be made to have to see violence, even if it is make believe, EVER for ANY reason.

If you think it's OK to make other people experience violence in order to gratify for need your for unrestricted violent entertainment you really need to give your head a wobble.

crumblingschools · 05/10/2023 22:35

@Dnendns I think the DH is being controlling not letting OP watch anything she likes, whereas OP puts up with most things DH watches, just wants him to watch a particular genre at a time when OP isn’t in the house. She seems to be compromising, he is controlling

Hawkins0009 · 05/10/2023 22:36

Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:16

Not afraid of blood - horror and gore doesn’t bother me. It is the violence - torture and people being terrified / crying and screaming.

that i can understand, i think to many eposides of csi, series , espionage eg spooks ect have numbed my senses to it, that said i can under stand your perspectives.

Phineyj · 05/10/2023 22:37

No, of course you're not unreasonable. No decent partner insists their other half watches things they find upsetting, and it's rude to hog the telly like this, especially if they get the house to yourself several times a week.

Spencer0220 · 05/10/2023 22:37

Squishystresspig · 05/10/2023 22:15

I’m not fussed about tv - as in there’s stuff I like but I know he wouldn’t. I quite like reality tv (trashy). He doesn’t, so we don’t watch those which is fine. I’m not that bothered, happy to sit and read if I’m in the living room and it’s sport or a documentary or something on which he likes.
It is just the violent stuff. If I go and sit upstairs with a book he then sulks that I’m not spending time with him.

He can't have it both ways. If he refuses to turn it off then he has no right to sulk if you go upstairs

crumblingschools · 05/10/2023 22:37

I think showing respect to someone who doesn’t like watching violence would make society a much better place

Woman2023 · 05/10/2023 22:39

I don't think it's controlling to ask your partner to not watch TV you find disturbing when you're both in the living room,

I watch some true crime when my partner is out, as it upsets him. If i said something was upsetting he'd turn it over immediately.

It's called being considerate of your partner's feelings.

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:39

This reply has been deleted

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Spencer0220 · 05/10/2023 22:41

crumblingschools · 05/10/2023 22:37

I think showing respect to someone who doesn’t like watching violence would make society a much better place

This

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 05/10/2023 22:44

Dnendns · 05/10/2023 22:11

No I wouldn’t turn the TV off if my partner didn’t like what I was watching. How odd.

So is he meant to sit there and watch nothing instead because you entered the room?

I don't think it's just that 'she doesn't like it'....she says her tolerance level for it is low which to me says she struggles with those kinds of scenes. I completely get that.

I think everyone has different sensitivity levels to violence and personally I have to be in the right sort of mood to watch certain things.

If I was watching something that I felt was causing my OH discomfort I'd definitely turn it off. For example - certain things to do with bereavement he finds difficult and that means there are certain things I would turn off and finish another time if he was there.

What's the point of being with someone if you're going to carry on blithely doing what you want like they're not there and don't matter?! No I'm with you OP.

Lavender14 · 05/10/2023 22:45

Dh loves football. LOVES it. I can't stand it, the noise of the crowd in the background makes me feel queasy and uncomfortable so I find it really hard to tolerate. If he's watching football I will go upstairs and read my book or watch something I like on my phone. If its not every night then I think yabu and you could go and do your own thing for an hour while he watches an episode. It's give and take isn't it. There's things I like to watch that dh wouldn't want to watch so he'll go and watch or do his own thing while I watch what I want.

Mari9999 · 05/10/2023 22:46

@Squishystresspig
I too am not found of gratuitous violence on tv. We solved that problem by how more than 1 televisions in the house . TVs are relatively inexpensive and the cost is worth the aggravation that is saved.