My daughter overheard another parent commenting negatively on other players in sport team

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My daughter is in a sports team where the standard is incredibly (unusually) high. She has only played a couple of years so isn’t that good but loves it. There’s a noticeable divide between the girls who are really good and those who aren’t - think mean girl shit - and the club has tried to address that. The coaches are amazing.

At a match recently, my daughter was on the sidelines and heard a mum of one of these girls saying ‘x needs to come off, they can’t play and y can, why is she on the pitch’. She was also approaching the coach about tactics. She doesn’t play the sport herself. I messaged the coach after to say what DD* had heard as I felt it was inappropriate. I’ve heard nothing back. Aibu to send a chaser saying ‘id really like to know what you think?

I don’t think parents should be allowed to watch if they try to get involved in coaching or slagging off players, but I’m not sporty and wonder if this is normal. Aibu?

MNHQ EDITED CHILD'S NAME

You’ve left your daughters name in the OP, might want to edit that

As far as your actual AIBU…
this sounds like a pretty nasty team to be part of if I’m honest although competitive sports does bring out the worst in’supporters’ (just think about football team rivalry for example.
I’m not excusing the behaviour, a little stunned it starts so young though.

Im sorry your daughter heard adults speaking unkindly, That shouldn’t have happened and no doubt will make her question if she’s being talked about too.
I don’t think the coach necessarily owes you an explanation of what action they are taking to resolve this though.

Eek how do I??

It sounds normal from what I’ve learned in kids football.

Top right on your post, three little dots opens a drop down menu. Edit option is in there.

Not sure why this would be the coach's job to sort out. I don't think you can police someone's critique of play, even if it's harsh/unjustified. It would be different if the woman had been making unkind comments not related to play, such as ridiculing appearance and so on.

Sounds like an unkind but throwaway comment. People are allowed to say what they want within the bounds of the law and the policies they signed up to when they joined the club. Even if it offends or upsets people who overhear them.

I expect the club policies would prohibit her from hollering it across the pitch but if she was just saying it to the person next to her I wouldn’t dream that that should be policed. Do you really want to be in a world where you can be banned from watching your child play sport because you made a comment to someone you were standing next to?

Also, competitive sport - especially football, if that’s what it is - does this to some parents and it’s a bit unbearable but it’s absolutely endemic. I would just tell your daughter the woman is an over involved idiot who doesn’t know what she’s talking about and can’t even begin to play the sport herself and just to completely ignore. Laugh at her together. Help your daughter develop a thick skin as it sounds like she is in a very competitive team and will need to!

This doesn't excuse her behaviour, and you haven't said the age but I've certainly heard a heck of a lot worse - parents swearing at their own kids, swearing at the ref. My own son, who could be pretty sweary himself, once said he didn't want to play with one team as they were so disrespectful!
I think you've made your complaint, it's up to the coach to deal with it. They probably do tell parents regularly that it doesn't help if they interfere. If it continues you can leave in protest and explain publicly why you are doing so.

Surely you don’t need to be “sporty” to know that this is awful? 😐

how old is your daughter

Actually “awful” is an exaggeration

Thoughtless

But quite a difference between a group of 8 year old girls and 17 year old girls

"oh dear Jennys mum is taking it very seriously isn't she?! Maybe you shouldn't listen to other people's conversations though, that's very rude of you and you shouldn't be repeating it."

Men do this all the time at kids football. Why do people get so emotional over sport and often sulk long after the game has ended .

We’ve one code of conduct for the kids and one for the adults for one of DS’s sports. You read it thinking it’s crazy because who would behave that badly but it would cover your scenario. Perhaps you could suggest they introduce similar?

Unfortunately this seems to happen in every team ever.

You can't police other peoples language and behaviour when it's their right to have an opinion.

Perhaps teach your DS to ignore and not listen in to other peoples conversations and then repeat them.

They are 13.

My daughter wasn’t listening in. she was standing at the subs bench and the parent was close enough to be audible to her and all the other subs, possibly because the parent was also giving the real coach the benefit of her wisdom and had placed herself right next to them.

I just can’t believe this kind of thing is acceptable? Of course we’ve told her to brush it off, but as a parent it feels wrong for another parent to be slagging off particular players in front of their team mates.

Yes it's normal. Unfortunately. Don't send a follow up message to the coach cos that would be a bit weird.

Or maybe things stay like this until people do stand up for what’s right?

Stay like what?

ok a bit thoughtless but hardly scarring for life or remotely close

I like this. There us a player code of conduct but nothing for parents - I looked so I could understand starting position.

Presumably X wasn’t in ear shot?

What were Juergen Klopps words? Football is the most important of the least important things.
(to some)

Over involved, inappropriately behaved, helicopter parents in children’s sport. It’s actually quite toxic. This is grassroots sport for kids, not the Olympics.

No x was on the pitch hence the comment! But all her team mates on the bench heard. Knowing girls, I can imagine she now knows.