My daughter overheard another parent commenting negatively on other players in sport team

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My daughter is in a sports team where the standard is incredibly (unusually) high. She has only played a couple of years so isn’t that good but loves it. There’s a noticeable divide between the girls who are really good and those who aren’t - think mean girl shit - and the club has tried to address that. The coaches are amazing.

At a match recently, my daughter was on the sidelines and heard a mum of one of these girls saying ‘x needs to come off, they can’t play and y can, why is she on the pitch’. She was also approaching the coach about tactics. She doesn’t play the sport herself. I messaged the coach after to say what DD* had heard as I felt it was inappropriate. I’ve heard nothing back. Aibu to send a chaser saying ‘id really like to know what you think?

I don’t think parents should be allowed to watch if they try to get involved in coaching or slagging off players, but I’m not sporty and wonder if this is normal. Aibu?

MNHQ EDITED CHILD'S NAME

My daughter plays a sport and is good at it.

It’s incredibly frustrating to parents when you want the team to win but the coach decides to put on a few shit players so they get all ‘turn’. It normally means you end up losing the match.

You cant police what other adults say.

Maybe your daughter should stop listening to other peoples conversations.

I have had kids in sports teams for a lot of years and there are ALWAYS parents like this. Football is bad. The absolute worst is Pony Club stuff.

Over involved? Pot kettle springs to mind.

I just thought the same 🤣

Wow. Are you that parent?

Ha ha! I see you’ve come to the end of rationale discussion.

Very much doubt it but I’d probably get on with her.

Just telling the truth.

We don’t even watch, we drop off, go about our day and then pick up. This was reported by our daughter.

so quite the opposite actually.

So you didn’t email the couch and then post a thread about emailing her again? 😂

There comes a point in any competitive sport when it isn’t “all about taking part” anymore - it’s also about winning.

If your DD were playing for Team GB, I’m pretty certain you’d agree that it’s all about the winning, for example. The importance of taking part compared to the importance of winning goes up from there.

It sounds like you think it’s one end of the spectrum, the other parent thinks differently. Just a difference of opinion. You say yourself that the team is very high standard, so perhaps the other parent has something of a point.

Eh?

There’s a difference between holding these views - which I get - and expressly them
Openly in front of her team mates. That’s just mean?

as adults we should have learned that not all thoughts have to make it into speech.

It is mean, but are you saying she shouldn’t be allowed to watch her daughter because she said something mean? To another adult standing next to her?
People can be mean, if they want.

Rational.

I’m saying parents should not be allowed to watch if they make horrible comments about the team. Seems fair to me? Be positive, neutral or stay off the pitch.

Tbh it does no child any favours to be playing in a team where they are not at the standard of most of the other players. Kids should be playing with and against people roughly of the same skill and ability. Otherwise it’s really demoralising if they don’t get game time and leads to resentment whenever they do get some time in the game.
If there’s any “shit” players (I wouldn’t use that word about kids but I echoing a PP) they should be managed down to the next ability team.

I agree this is obviously awful.

well I was sporty and I went to a fairly posh an all girls school and played hockey. The parents would turn up and often shout things like “tackle like lostcotter” during a match because I was known as a vicious tackler 😂 and they would generally cheer us on, but I don’t recall any instances of parents making those sort of negative comments about other players performances or even their own children -it could have happened and I just never heard it but I really doubt it.

If this is normal in some schools /kids teams it really has to change.

I think it depends how good the team is for example; if they are in a competitive league as potential cup winners then yes, you just need to ride with it I'm afraid.

Aibu to send a chaser saying ‘id really like to know what you think?
YABU. You should have had a quiet word with the coach. Not send a text about hearsay and then expect the coach to commit to writing (that you could then forward to anyone/everyone) what they think of a parent.

I think this is a coach decision.

It’s sport. You said it’s high standards. Teams want to win.
No one wants to watch the crap players play when they know others in the team are much better and would help the team win.

You canT police what others say and they are entitled to watch their kids play. Stop hassling the coach.

Good lesson for your daughter to learn to stop being so nosey on others convos.

We have a comms app, all comms via that. It’s normal to message back and forth and it’s how coaches communicate with parents, individually and collectively.

Do they play for an FA league? I did think all FA leagues had a rule that only managers/assistant managers and coaches could be on the coach side of the pitch

Do you have a respect Marshall at each game? Flag it with them if she goes round to the coach side and they will sanction the team.

She was standing at the subs bench, they all heard. Are.they all ‘nosey’? That’s like me coming up to you, standing next to you, and saying out loud ‘your child is shit at maths’. Are you nosey simply for hearing me?