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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wasn’t ‘a joke’? Would you do anything about it?

194 replies

Okkf · 04/10/2023 09:05

Had a return to work catch up this morning with the team (7 of us). I come back from maternity leave next Monday. One of the senior men stayed on longer to talk about a specific thing. Just before he logged out he said well I better get back to work, your holiday won’t pay for itself! And laughed. I feel really weird about it. He is a bit of a joker and no doubt he would say it was a joke but I feel angry about it. Weirdly only minutes before he had been saying how hard it was being a stay at home parent?! Am I being sensitive as I’m back to work after 7 months off?

OP posts:
ButWhatAboutTheBees · 04/10/2023 09:22

Do you think he was calling your maternity leave a holiday?

Original poster
Okkf · 04/10/2023 09:25

Yes

OP posts:
Twistyripple · 04/10/2023 09:25

Wow. What a wanker. With attitudes like that it's no wonder people get worried about starting families!!!

Does he have a partner or children? If so you'd think he would be more thoughtful about the total bollocks he is spewing.

Lovestodrinkmilk · 04/10/2023 09:27

Just an idea...Next time you speak to him, purposefully misunderstand and ask him 'Where are you going on this holiday you mentioned?' If he repeats his stupid joke, set him straight!

CraftyPance · 04/10/2023 11:18

It wouldnt bother me, I'd just think how shit his jokes were.

Ponoka7 · 04/10/2023 11:21

I'd have to ask him to clarify. I would have asked him "what holiday?" at the time. Be ready for another comment and, act as though you don't understand and make him explain. That works for sexist/sexual remarks as well.

ColleenDonaghy · 04/10/2023 11:25

Asshole. It would piss me off too OP. I'd leave it for now but be ready to instantly shut down any further "jokes" by asking him to explain himself.

Frabbits · 04/10/2023 11:28

YABU. It's the bog standard stupid joke made about maternity leave, nothing more. To "do anything about it" would be absurd.

shiningstar2 · 04/10/2023 11:28

It is annoying but; wouldn't mention it. He thinks he's being funny not nasty if he is a bit of a joker and I would want to begin my time back in a friendly calm way. If he says it again challenge it but as he's also said before it's hard being on maternity leave he does know.and has made what he thinks is a light throwaway comment. If you raise it, if he's usually fine he will feel awful he upset you. If he takes as huff and says you're being super sensitive that might spoil a usually reasonable working relationship. It's hard getting back in op. Leaving your baby, adjusting ext. Give yourself the easiest adjustment time possible. 💐

Canisaysomething · 04/10/2023 11:54

If he’s talked about how hard being a parent is and empathised then I would brush this off as an ill thought out shit joke. It doesn’t even really make much sense and sounds like it’s something he’s said to others to sound funny and just applied it in an out of context way.

DoraSpenlow · 04/10/2023 12:02

Sorry, but I sometimes wonder how some people manage to live in the real world. Always looking for something to be offended/ hurt about.

It was just one of those stupid things people say in an attempt to be light hearted. Give it no further thought, I doubt he has.

Quitelikeit · 04/10/2023 12:05

Fgs if there was no malicious intent what is your issue?

This is snowflake territory

Quitelikeit · 04/10/2023 12:06

@DoraSpenlow exactly!

Mistressanne · 04/10/2023 12:11

You should have replied
Yes, you’re working for two until I’m back! And then laughed uproariously.

Megifer · 04/10/2023 12:17

Hmm....if a particular colleague said that to me I'd probably joke back about whatever because that's the relationship we have and id know 100% it wasn't with any malice at all, if anything hed be saying it exactly because he knows its not a holiday, its just a bit of banter between work pals.

If it was a colleague who I don't have that relationship with id be really fucked off and would probably just say "sorry what do you mean?"

MilesAndMilesOfLights · 04/10/2023 12:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FawltyTower · 04/10/2023 12:21

Don't be ridiculous op. Yabu.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 04/10/2023 12:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Oh yes! On another thread there's a thread from a publisher re the role of a 'sensitivity reader' who's job it is to go through old and new books and remove things that 'could' upset people.

MilesAndMilesOfLights · 04/10/2023 12:25

This reply has been deleted

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LittleMissUnreasonable · 04/10/2023 12:27

It's one of those stock phrases that people use when they're trying to be funny. Such as "Good afternoon" if you're 5 minutes late and "Part timer" if you dare to take any annual leave.
I'd roll my eyes and not report for a one off. Probably just misguided humour

LakeTiticaca · 04/10/2023 12:41

DoraSpenlow · 04/10/2023 12:02

Sorry, but I sometimes wonder how some people manage to live in the real world. Always looking for something to be offended/ hurt about.

It was just one of those stupid things people say in an attempt to be light hearted. Give it no further thought, I doubt he has.

Just about to write the exact same thing myself. I'm so glad I am no longer in the workplace . I would probably have to have my mouth taped shut 😉

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 12:54

It's a shit joke, no need to be offended.

I seem to be in the minority who thought maternity leave WAS mainly a holiday 😂

1month · 04/10/2023 12:59

Gently, you’re being ridiculous to take offence at this.

It was a sarcastic joke as obviously you’re not on holiday you are on maternity leave.

Scaredycatttt · 04/10/2023 13:03

Someone made a similar joke about my mat leave, I was 30 odd weeks pregnant and it did get my back up so I can see why it annoyed you. Luckily my manager gave her a very "wtf" look so I'd say he agreed with me. It is likely a joke though, just not a very funny one

Vriddle · 04/10/2023 13:05

It was a sexist comment at your expense. I think 'don't refer to maternity leave as a holiday' is a dead obvious one. It was a twattish thing to say.