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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this wasn’t ‘a joke’? Would you do anything about it?

194 replies

Okkf · 04/10/2023 09:05

Had a return to work catch up this morning with the team (7 of us). I come back from maternity leave next Monday. One of the senior men stayed on longer to talk about a specific thing. Just before he logged out he said well I better get back to work, your holiday won’t pay for itself! And laughed. I feel really weird about it. He is a bit of a joker and no doubt he would say it was a joke but I feel angry about it. Weirdly only minutes before he had been saying how hard it was being a stay at home parent?! Am I being sensitive as I’m back to work after 7 months off?

OP posts:
felisha54 · 04/10/2023 20:56

I'd take it as a joke. My manager jokes that it's not maternity leave, it's eternity leave.

Yazo · 04/10/2023 20:59

YANBU and I'd be looking for another team or someone else to work with, I don't have time for that bull anymore and always got paid more working for people that aren't dicks.

lifeturnsonadime · 04/10/2023 21:00

xyz111 · 04/10/2023 20:52

Literally no one can joke these days 🙄

How ridiculous. Of course people can joke as long as they are funny and are not taking the piss out of a person with a protected characteristic, or don't women or mothers count?

This OP is returning from work from maternity leave, the last thing she needs is a male colleague 'joking' in an offensive way.

QueenCamilla · 04/10/2023 21:07

It wouldn't even register. I may have quipped something light-hearted back and that's the end of it.
I'd only have an issue with the comment if I had the reason to doubt colleagues intentions because of their past actions.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 21:18

Of course people can joke as long as they are funny
out of curiosity, who is in charge to decide what is "funny" or not?

OhamIreally · 04/10/2023 21:24

Not you Mr Police-the-thread.

lifeturnsonadime · 04/10/2023 21:27

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 21:18

Of course people can joke as long as they are funny
out of curiosity, who is in charge to decide what is "funny" or not?

No one, but generally speaking if a person is offended they have the right to be and you should respect that, or doesn't it work both ways?

When it comes to jokes about protected characteristics in the workplace I can't think of another scenario where people would go out of the way to diminish a person's right to feel offended.

Women (especially pregnant or returning mothers) are seemingly fair game.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 21:48

lifeturnsonadime · 04/10/2023 21:27

No one, but generally speaking if a person is offended they have the right to be and you should respect that, or doesn't it work both ways?

When it comes to jokes about protected characteristics in the workplace I can't think of another scenario where people would go out of the way to diminish a person's right to feel offended.

Women (especially pregnant or returning mothers) are seemingly fair game.

Show quote history

You do have the right to be offended absolutely, it has no impact on anything but no one is stopping you. Being offended doesn't give you the right to impose your views on others or decide what is "funny".

Is being "a parent" a protected characteristic? That "joke", which is not new, not original is made to dad on paternity leave just the same. Big deal.

lifeturnsonadime · 04/10/2023 21:58

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 21:48

You do have the right to be offended absolutely, it has no impact on anything but no one is stopping you. Being offended doesn't give you the right to impose your views on others or decide what is "funny".

Is being "a parent" a protected characteristic? That "joke", which is not new, not original is made to dad on paternity leave just the same. Big deal.

Show quote history

Well I'll beg to differ on that one. Being pregnant or on maternity leave and returning from maternity leave is a protected characteristic. That's why women on maternity leave have special rules regarding redundancy whilst on maternity leave, it's classed a protected position.

If a person on maternity leave is discriminated against or harassed or bullied about it then it is unlawful. A one off joke does not necessarily amount to discrimination or bullying but a culture that allows or supports that might well be, especially if the comment comes from a male boss on a female employee's return to work.

And there is a massive difference between saying this to a male taking paternity leave than to a woman, because of the sexist connotations. That you cannot see the difference is a matter for you.

Frabbits · 04/10/2023 22:09

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 19:21

I wasn’t talking to you, but okay, also applies. I’ve explained many times why this is an issue, but I’m done now, I’m bored of arguing with simple people on the internet.

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Aw bless. Flouncing off with an insult to boot. Bye bye.

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 22:29

Frabbits · 04/10/2023 22:09

Aw bless. Flouncing off with an insult to boot. Bye bye.

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I am not flouncing, I am just bored of trying to get my point across to you and that other tiring poster. Quite honestly you both come across as horrible bullies, I’d rather not engage anymore. So yep, bye ✌️

fuckssaaaaake · 04/10/2023 23:40

Mine was just like a holiday, I love it so much. But annoyingly I barely got paid as I was self employed at the time. Sigh, would have loved to have got paid for lunching with my gorge baby

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/10/2023 23:46

It's more of a sexist dig under guise of being a joke. Colleague is a bit of a prick, I think. 🤷‍♀️

fuckssaaaaake · 04/10/2023 23:46

@Bubblebright @Frabbits you both need to calm down. Now give each other a cuddle and say sorry!

fuckssaaaaake · 04/10/2023 23:48

@YawningCat @EaudeJavel I meant to tag you in that. Too much gin. Night

Ramalangadingdong · 05/10/2023 00:11

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:32

You can't compare 2 things that have nothing to do with each other.

Many women take their maternity leave as a holiday, it's a fact. There were even petitions going around at the time of the lockdown because some mums felt they missed out and didn't get a proper maternity leave.

It's not funny, it's not original, but it's not offensive, people make jokes about maternity leave = holiday. They make the same jokes about paternity leave.

Why the need to be offended?

Show quote history

I wonder why someone would feel the need to make a “joke” like that.

Frabbits · 05/10/2023 01:07

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 22:29

I am not flouncing, I am just bored of trying to get my point across to you and that other tiring poster. Quite honestly you both come across as horrible bullies, I’d rather not engage anymore. So yep, bye ✌️

Show quote history

Bullies because we don't fawn and agree with you.

Ok then.

Not to mention you are the only one chucking insults about. Glass houses.

Rudderneck · 05/10/2023 01:20

Given that he commented that being a SAHP is hard,it sounds like the joke was intended to be ironic or tongue in cheek. That is, he was saying it was not like a vacation at all. So no, not offensive. Not super-funny, but not offensive at all.

Bludyhelltobenutz · 05/10/2023 18:31

Something very similar happened to me years ago when I returned to work after a hysterectomy. I made a complaint which was badly managed by a weak, incompetent manager and the whole thing escalated. My working life became absolute hell for 18 months until eventually I left my job. Be very careful of that man and what you do about it - I’d hate you to go through what I went through though. I would hope workplace bullying is better managed now than it was in the late 90s but I do sometimes wonder.

Gandalfsthong · 05/10/2023 19:00

if I had a pound for every time a pale, male stale colleague chuckled whilst they told me this hilarious ‘joke’ I’d be a millionaire. Don’t let it get you down, eye roll and move on.

restingbitchface30 · 05/10/2023 19:13

It was a joke. A terrible one, but a joke.

Flippingnora100 · 05/10/2023 19:52

That would have pissed me off too. I think the best time to have said something would have been in the moment… eg ‘Excuse me, are you referring to me taking maternity leave to have a baby as a holiday?’

Toomuchtrouble4me · 05/10/2023 19:57

It’s just a crap joke. We really do as a society need to stop being overly offended and complaining about everything - we’ll all end up scared to speak to each other.

goldfootball · 05/10/2023 20:16

Well I’d be fuming and would be giving a long, preachy explanation of my reasons for being fuming to anyone who told me it was ‘just a joke’.

men and their jokes eh. What are they like.

EaudeJavel · 05/10/2023 20:25

goldfootball · 05/10/2023 20:16

Well I’d be fuming and would be giving a long, preachy explanation of my reasons for being fuming to anyone who told me it was ‘just a joke’.

men and their jokes eh. What are they like.

how does that work when its a woman making the joke?

to a man?😂