To think this wasn’t ‘a joke’? Would you do anything about it?

[Okkf]

Had a return to work catch up this morning with the team (7 of us). I come back from maternity leave next Monday. One of the senior men stayed on longer to talk about a specific thing. Just before he logged out he said well I better get back to work, your holiday won’t pay for itself! And laughed. I feel really weird about it. He is a bit of a joker and no doubt he would say it was a joke but I feel angry about it. Weirdly only minutes before he had been saying how hard it was being a stay at home parent?! Am I being sensitive as I’m back to work after 7 months off?

Maternity leave was a holiday for me - 6 months off work meeting friends for coffee and going out and about showing your baby off? Definitely a holiday 😍

It's a shit nothing joke, but also it's thoughtless everyday sexism. I would call him out on it, in an appropriate way.

I am in my 50s. Sometimes my younger colleagues have made weak jokes about how old I am. I let them know they're being both sexist and ageist.

Is he a nice person otherwise? Do you need to expend emotional energy being offended by this comment?

Yeah, but as a professional woman and mother in a male-dominated field, when you've had years of the 'jokes' it gets bit wearying.

Comments about leaving early (when you were at your desk 2 hours before they got in).
Comments about time off (when you're taking emergency family leave to care for a sick child after you've been up all night).

I am active in Women in Science activities and how young women are perceived by their senior (and usually male) colleagues has an impact.

It's casual sexism and has no place in the workplace.

I'd not be offended by this, I'd have probably said something back like 'well it's about time you did some real work'

People are way too quick to be offended these days

I agree.

If he hadn't mentioned how hard it is being a parent, I would be more annoyed but given he had mentioned this to you, I think it was a very poor joke that is sadly made too often!

Isn’t it interesting that he waited until the other colleagues were off the call to spew his little barb?

I think you should report his condescending insult.

People like that often couch insults with chuckles and smug condescension.

A nice little bit of every day misogyny that women are just expected to ignore, right?

This is how sexism is enabled in the workplace. Men like that need calling out. Every time.

It is nothing to do with resilience it's to do with not tolerating sexism at work.

I would just say ‘Ugh god, don’t be THAT guy.’ With an eye roll if he says anything again.

you can.

But that "joke" is made by women too 😂

Women can also be misogynistic.

Oh & remind him if he has a baby he’ll be entitled to paternity leave, so you’ll look forward to ‘paying for his holiday’ in the future. Or if he already has… just say he ‘Oh well you already owed me then!’

so no need for anyone to be offended.

Maternity is more than a necessity, but I'd love to know you'd call being paid not to go to work with a 4-5 to 12 months old baby.. apart from "a holiday".

My oldest son is 24. I heard these 'jokes' and didn't like them 24 years ago.

These days I am more vocal and able to speak up, and I absolutely would if I heard someone say such a thing to a more junior, female colleague (if she didn't do so herself).

Let's see.

Mat leave: a period of absence from work granted to a mother before and after the birth of her child.

Holiday:

I would have assumed that he was just joking. It wasn't a very funny joke and could be taken the wrong way.

Around about 20 years ago I used to advise employers on a prominent employer's paid HR advise line on how to avoid employing women of child bearing age so that they wouldn't have to pay 'holiday', by that they meant maternity pay.

Women thinking that this kind of joke is acceptable in the work place need to give their heads a wobble.

It's sexist and rude, but if he's in the position of power, I would ignore it (though keep a record in a private journal) and just come back to work and do a good job. The sad fact is, trouble makers (i.e. those who know and stand up for their rights) often get managed out or are top of redunancy lists.

Sorry my reply didn't come out properly (don't see the Edit function either).

I meant to say:

Mat leave: a period of absence from work granted to a mother before and after the birth of her child.

Holiday: an extended period of leisure and recreation, especially one spent away from home or in travelling.

You have nothing to feel sensitive or defensive about: your leave was contractual, legal, and presumably you are a hard working conscientious team member. So… don’t rise to it-don’t do anything. Especially any of the passive aggressive suggestions.

If he says anything similar in future, be prepared. ‘Too right! Better book in some overtime as well’.

This is why I love WFH so much, cba with this tedious nonsense every day. 😡😂

What a cunt. And he made sure you were the only one that heard him say it so if you complain he can say you must have imagined it. You could email a trusted friend and tell them what happened - keep it light. Just so you have a paper trail.

if it happened to me I would email him directly and ask if he had said what I thought he said. Then he could put me straight. I am always doing stuff like this, but I always consider myself to have nothing to lose.

But why should people be able to joke about it? It’s insulting and just screams misogyny. Letting it go just allows these opinions to exist.

I think it was a misjudged joke. People do it all the time. I've said stuff before where I look back and cringe.

It's possible there's some meaning to it - maybe he feels gutted he won't get a year long maternity (I totally get why men may feel jealous). Think it's just something to forget and move on from.