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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wasn’t ‘a joke’? Would you do anything about it?

194 replies

Okkf · 04/10/2023 09:05

Had a return to work catch up this morning with the team (7 of us). I come back from maternity leave next Monday. One of the senior men stayed on longer to talk about a specific thing. Just before he logged out he said well I better get back to work, your holiday won’t pay for itself! And laughed. I feel really weird about it. He is a bit of a joker and no doubt he would say it was a joke but I feel angry about it. Weirdly only minutes before he had been saying how hard it was being a stay at home parent?! Am I being sensitive as I’m back to work after 7 months off?

OP posts:
CoffeeChocolateandBooks · 04/10/2023 17:23

I would have said "I didn't realise you were paying for my "holiday" yourself"
.Next time he has time off make a similar comment, sure he'll find it hilarious.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 17:28

how about supporting other women instead of diminishing their experience because it doesn’t match yours.

How about accepting that you have the right to be offended, but that it doesn't mean anyone has to agree with you.

I don't agree with blindly supporting other women just because we have a vagina.

YawningCat · 04/10/2023 17:35

Frabbits · 04/10/2023 17:22

As I said to the other poster, how about accepting that your opinion is just that.

I find it concerning that you and others think that this place should just be an echo chamber and can't stand the thought of other people having their own viewpoints. There's a word for that.

Edited

It’s not that “I can’t stand” you having your own viewpoint.
I just don’t feel comfortable ignoring ill informed and oppressive ideas.
eg

  1. hahaha you are being so lazy leaving work to faff about at home for six months
  2. You should totally ignore barbed comments about your gender rooted in disrespect. Can’t you TAKE A JOKE
YawningCat · 04/10/2023 17:38

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 17:28

how about supporting other women instead of diminishing their experience because it doesn’t match yours.

How about accepting that you have the right to be offended, but that it doesn't mean anyone has to agree with you.

I don't agree with blindly supporting other women just because we have a vagina.

Interesting that you have reduced the commonality of an entire gender to a body part.

not sure what sits behind that but thanks for your ‘opinion’

Ohhbaby · 04/10/2023 17:44

lifeturnsonadime · 04/10/2023 13:46

A nice little bit of every day misogyny that women are just expected to ignore, right?

This is how sexism is enabled in the workplace. Men like that need calling out. Every time.

It is nothing to do with resilience it's to do with not tolerating sexism at work.

Bruh, they make the same joke to men returning from paternity leave?

Pallisers · 04/10/2023 17:46

If spending the day with a baby is a holiday, why did I have to pay a lot of money to someone to mind mine when I went back to work?

PinkiOcelot · 04/10/2023 17:49

DoraSpenlow · 04/10/2023 12:02

Sorry, but I sometimes wonder how some people manage to live in the real world. Always looking for something to be offended/ hurt about.

It was just one of those stupid things people say in an attempt to be light hearted. Give it no further thought, I doubt he has.

This.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 17:49

YawningCat · 04/10/2023 17:38

Interesting that you have reduced the commonality of an entire gender to a body part.

not sure what sits behind that but thanks for your ‘opinion’

Show quote history

So it's ok to say men have a "penis" in common, but we can't say "vagina" anymore for us? What else would you prefer me to say?

YawningCat · 04/10/2023 17:55

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 17:49

So it's ok to say men have a "penis" in common, but we can't say "vagina" anymore for us? What else would you prefer me to say?

Show quote history

😂😂 I’m sorry, but what ?? You can talk as much about genitals as you like you really don’t need my permission.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 18:10

YawningCat · 04/10/2023 17:55

😂😂 I’m sorry, but what ?? You can talk as much about genitals as you like you really don’t need my permission.

Show quote history

I was just replying to your post, but Ok if you can't elaborate on what you said, I don't really care😉

YawningCat · 04/10/2023 18:14

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 18:10

I was just replying to your post, but Ok if you can't elaborate on what you said, I don't really care😉

Show quote history

I think it was less of a reply and more just scarcely related words put together in an almost sentence. Just my opinion, but since you don’t care anyway….

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 18:21

I wonder if those that think this is a harmless joke ever complain about women not receiving equal pay, or being overlooked for promotion. As this ‘maternity leave is a holiday’ attitude and these issues are all linked. And these posters are part of the problem.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 18:22

YawningCat · 04/10/2023 18:14

I think it was less of a reply and more just scarcely related words put together in an almost sentence. Just my opinion, but since you don’t care anyway….

Show quote history

Your opinion over what YOU wrote? We are in agreement here 😂.

It's always funny when people try to haughty judgement about something, but when asked to elaborate, frantically try to change the subject.

YawningCat · 04/10/2023 18:25

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 18:22

Your opinion over what YOU wrote? We are in agreement here 😂.

It's always funny when people try to haughty judgement about something, but when asked to elaborate, frantically try to change the subject.

Show quote history

Have a wonderful day.

Coughingdodger · 04/10/2023 18:27

Like it or not, parental leave does cause hassle for your colleagues. They’re entitled to make a harmless joke about it. Try not to be a killjoy.

Frabbits · 04/10/2023 18:44

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 18:21

I wonder if those that think this is a harmless joke ever complain about women not receiving equal pay, or being overlooked for promotion. As this ‘maternity leave is a holiday’ attitude and these issues are all linked. And these posters are part of the problem.

Still frantically building strawmen.

PurpleRadish · 04/10/2023 18:48

Awful comment. Not funny at all.

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 19:09

Frabbits · 04/10/2023 18:44

Still frantically building strawmen.

Edited
Show quote history

Still desperately denying there’s an issue.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 19:14

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 19:09

Still desperately denying there’s an issue.

Show quote history

not desperately. Not trying to make up an issue when there isn't one, that's all.

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 19:21

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 19:14

not desperately. Not trying to make up an issue when there isn't one, that's all.

Show quote history

I wasn’t talking to you, but okay, also applies. I’ve explained many times why this is an issue, but I’m done now, I’m bored of arguing with simple people on the internet.

isadoradancing123 · 04/10/2023 19:30

OMG why is everyone looking for something to be offended about

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 19:43

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 19:21

I wasn’t talking to you, but okay, also applies. I’ve explained many times why this is an issue, but I’m done now, I’m bored of arguing with simple people on the internet.

Show quote history

You are bored you don't get the recognition for your "bright" opinion and cannot convince other people of your narrow-minded vision you mean?

That's ok, you are so wrong, you had no chance on changing anyone's mind anyway.

Bubblebright · 04/10/2023 19:44

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 19:43

You are bored you don't get the recognition for your "bright" opinion and cannot convince other people of your narrow-minded vision you mean?

That's ok, you are so wrong, you had no chance on changing anyone's mind anyway.

Show quote history

Me narrow minded? Haha ok then 😉. And I hate to break it to you, but lots agree with me (thank goodness or we’d all be screwed!)

lifeturnsonadime · 04/10/2023 20:08
Chelsea Peretti Eye Roll GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It is not narrow minded to expect women not to be exposed to misogynistic comments at work.

But very predictable that the 'pick me girls of Mumsnet' see no problem with everyday misogyny in the workplace.

xyz111 · 04/10/2023 20:52

Literally no one can joke these days 🙄