Page 8 | To think this wasn’t ‘a joke’? Would you do anything about it?

Okkf · 2023-10-04T08:05:13+00:00

Had a return to work catch up this morning with the team (7 of us). I come back from maternity leave next Monday. One of the senior men stayed on longer to talk about a specific thing. Just before he logged out he said well I better get back to work, your holiday won’t pay for itself! And laughed. I feel really weird about it. He is a bit of a joker and no doubt he would say it was a joke but I feel angry about it. Weirdly only minutes before he had been saying how hard it was being a stay at home parent?! Am I being sensitive as I’m back to work after 7 months off?

GreenLaurel · 08/10/2023 09:53

Or I’d ask him to explain it

Ffion21 · 08/10/2023 09:56

It was just a rubbish joke. Shrug it off. Best yet is to be quick witted and throw a dumb response back…”bloody hell, first time we’d have seen you put some effort in working, so crack on, we won’t stop you.”

MorrisWallpaper · 08/10/2023 10:00

TheBerry · 08/10/2023 09:48

That is so different.

In your situation, the colleague’s comment was incredibly insensitive and unkind while you were going through an awful, traumatic time and were grieving.

In OP’s situation, the colleague just made a harmless if bad joke. Appropriate reasons range from a bad joke back, “you’d better stop chatting and get on with it then” or whatever, to a noncommittal ha, to an affected eye roll, but getting offended and taking some sort of “action” is bonkers and honestly it must be exhausting to be constantly taking stuff so much to heart when you can literally just smile and move on in two seconds.

Show quote history

This is a frankly brainless response. The ‘joke’ was misogynistic and completely inappropriate for a workplace in 2023. Women fought hard for maternity rights in the workplace, and this dinosaur’s comment about the OP’s mat. leave being a ‘holiday’ he’s paying for suggests how far we still have to go in terms of forms of discrimination.

TheBerry · 08/10/2023 10:05

He knows it’s not a holiday. That’s how jokes work. It was just a joke that wasn’t very funny. That is all. I had a colleague who took time off work for a vasectomy and we all joked about that. I don’t want to live in a world where we have to creep around and speak entirely literally all the time and can’t just shake off a bad joke the same way we’ve been doing for thousands of years.

CM1897 · 08/10/2023 10:25

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 15:03

I wasn't talking about the legal side of things... did you really believe I was?

Show quote history

It only takes someone with half a brain to understand maternity leave is not a holiday! A mother has either pushed a human out of her vagina, or had her stomach cut open, so she needs time to heal physically and emotionally.

She has also then (more than likely) had months worth of sleepless nights, exhaustion from breast feeding, and providing constant entertainment as the baby gets older.

Sure it’s lovely to be home with your baby, and some bits are as enjoyable as having a holiday (days out etc, if you have enough energy). But maternity leave is not a holiday, you need to grow up a bit

SheerLucks · 08/10/2023 11:27

ColleenDonaghy · 04/10/2023 11:25

Asshole. It would piss me off too OP. I'd leave it for now but be ready to instantly shut down any further "jokes" by asking him to explain himself.

This.

DoraSpenlow · 08/10/2023 13:20

LT1982 · 08/10/2023 07:58

Saying sorry before à rude comment doesn't make it less rude.

Attitudes like yours are why sexism and discrimination in the workplace carry on unchallenged

Show quote history

Bollocks.

Now if he had said he didn't see why women should have so much maternity leave, that would be a different matter. It was just a stupid remark that the vast majority of people wouldn't even remember five minutes later.

LT1982 · 08/10/2023 13:30

DoraSpenlow · 08/10/2023 13:20

Bollocks.

Now if he had said he didn't see why women should have so much maternity leave, that would be a different matter. It was just a stupid remark that the vast majority of people wouldn't even remember five minutes later.

Show quote history

What lovely way you have with words.Can't even make your point without swearing 🙄

Just because you wouldn't be bothered by the comment doesn't mean other people wouldnt be, so you don't get to speak for the majority.

DoraSpenlow · 08/10/2023 15:11

Yes, sorry, you are right about the swearing. I only do it when exasperated.

I just get so annoyed about people taking stupid remarks so seriously.

Honestly you should have been working in the 70s if you think what the OPs boss said was so offensive. Yes, there is still a long, long way to go but unless you were there you have no idea how far we have come.

K4tM · 08/10/2023 16:32

You probably have grounds for discrimination there. I’d at least make a formal complaint. What an idiot.

Casperroonie · 08/10/2023 18:49

Sexism is alive and kicking in your workplace. Log it. And follow it up if he says it again.

What a d**k.

Beachwaves127 · 09/10/2023 05:32

I’ve had a similar commen t from a middle aged man on one of my kit days. It devalues maternity leave. It’s not ok.

Beachwaves127 · 09/10/2023 05:33

DoraSpenlow · 08/10/2023 15:11

Yes, sorry, you are right about the swearing. I only do it when exasperated.

I just get so annoyed about people taking stupid remarks so seriously.

Honestly you should have been working in the 70s if you think what the OPs boss said was so offensive. Yes, there is still a long, long way to go but unless you were there you have no idea how far we have come.

But we’re no longer in the 70s. That was 50 years ago. 🤨

MorrisWallpaper · 09/10/2023 06:46

DoraSpenlow · 08/10/2023 15:11

Yes, sorry, you are right about the swearing. I only do it when exasperated.

I just get so annoyed about people taking stupid remarks so seriously.

Honestly you should have been working in the 70s if you think what the OPs boss said was so offensive. Yes, there is still a long, long way to go but unless you were there you have no idea how far we have come.

It’s precisely because of how hard women fought for every vestige of equality that this kind of casual misogyny makes me so enraged! Why are you getting cross with with the wrong person?

Rachykins · 09/10/2023 11:21

I certainly hope EaudeJavel doesn’t have girls because what a terrible advocate she’d be for women’s rights and teaching her girls what they deserve…equally though, it seems a tragedy she’d have boys too if she’s going to raise them with the views she has.

Unfortunately some People struggle to see the bigger societal problem in this. 1 little joke to you and many and yes, it might not pack as much of a punch on the “offensive” scale but on a wider scale, this kind of acceptable attitude towards women in the workplace is very much a problem and I’m surprised to see some women thinking it’s acceptable and we should all just giggle about it. Also- to say mat leave IS like a holiday… well EaudeJavel.. you must be the best woman and mother in the world to have had such a wonderful leisurely time. I wish we could all be as good as you!

Sumtimesiamgreen · 09/10/2023 11:23

He should remain a wanker with views that maternity is a holiday. No woman wants to put up with that shit.

YawningCat · 18/10/2023 12:31

But only come so far because a minority few refused to accept the ‘jokes’ of then….. if you thought back then was bad then please don’t stand in the way of todays progress by diminishing todays experience. The women on the 70s fought bloody hard, just because women today don’t have to go fight so damn hard doesn’t mean we should stop.

threatmatrix · 22/10/2023 11:19

I’ve always earned the same money as the men I’ve worked with and been a complete equal. Yes I got ribbed but I gave it back. It was called having a laugh. I wouldn’t work anywhere that paid me less than someone else for the same job.

MasterBeth · 22/10/2023 13:27

Well done, you. As long as you're OK, let's not worry about anyone else, eh?