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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is a fairly normal/chilled weekend?

295 replies

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 16:23

DH had a gentle huff about always having stuff to do on the weekends. When I raised an eyebrow at him, he back tracked and just muttered about being tired and grumpy.

I'm genuinely surprised that he raised this, as I thought out weekend was pretty normal, and actually, if anything, I think we have a pretty easy time of it now.

To set the scene, during the week, we both predominantly WfH with max 1-2 days each in the office, and we tend to work approx 8-4, with an hour lunch break. As a result most day to day washing, cleaning etc is kept up to date as we go along, as they are frankly short days, and we have plenty of time to keep on top of stuff during the week. We have 2 "children" - one is away at Uni, and the other is in Sixth Form, both good kids and pretty independent without much input required from us apart from the general parental support and guidance. Kids can drive, so not having to run them round to activities and social life any more. Household stuff is shared pretty equally, we tend to work well as a team.

So this weekend:

Friday evening - popped to see friend in pub for a drink straight from work at 4, then went for an early meal out with friends. Back home by 9.30ish and an early night after a lovely evening.

Saturday- lay in til about 9, went together to do a small supermarket shop, got back had a light lunch. We then did some decorating (repainting Uni teen's walls with a fresh coat of emulsion - so nothing taxing and room is already prepped and ready to go, first coat already done) from about 12.30 til about 3.30. DH then met his sibling and niece for a dog walk, whilst I prepped dinner. Sibling and niece joined us for dinner, then left about 9. DH and I chatted for a bit over a glass of wine, and then headed up to bed by around 10-10.30.

Sunday - lay in til about 9. We both took dog out for a leisurely walk, followed by brunch out together. Back home by about 12.30. Then we put teens newly decorated room back to rights, cleared up all the decorating kit, hoovered, dusted all surfaces and cleaned the carpet in that room. I stopped about 4pm to cook a roast dinner. DH finished up and was done by 5.30. We sat down with teen for a family roast. Cleared up jointly after the roast - all done and dusted by about 7pm. The evening now our own for back to work stuff, chilling, listening to radio, reading etc. Both headed up to bed about 10.30ish.

Is this a particularly busy or taxing weekend?

To my mind it was really chilled and lovely. A good balance of social, family and couple time, some jobs done (and nice rewarding ones where you can see the difference!), but plenty of downtime.

I'm generally more assertive than DH and not one to sit around, so I just want to sense check that I'm not working DH into the ground or not listening to his needs! DH is very mild natured and easy going, so even a grumble from him is pretty unusual. If it is too much work, too busy, I want to hear that!

We're late 40s/early 50s, and generally fit and healthy. I'd say we have a pretty great relationship and enjoy each other's company.

OP posts:
CancertheCrab · 03/10/2023 16:27

sounds like a total nightmare to me personally. I would be exhausted after all that, no rest at all, no time to yourself. It depends what you want, obviously, but a weekend like that just sounds like hell

FrenchandSaunders · 03/10/2023 16:27

Sounds lovely to me.

Papillon23 · 03/10/2023 16:28

It sounds pretty busy to me - two meals out, having people over for dinner and decorating a room is quite a lot...

countrygirl99 · 03/10/2023 16:28

Doesn't sound taxing to me.

Devilsmommy · 03/10/2023 16:31

Though it doesn't sound mega chilled what with the decorating and having to put the room back together it also doesn't sound majorly non stop either. Sounds like a pretty good weekend imo. Maybe your dh is just feeling tired so maybe wanted a day where he can just chill on the sofa and not have to go out meeting people?

Shodan · 03/10/2023 16:31

If your DH is the kind of person who relishes a proper 'down day' sometimes (no DIY, no meeting up with anyone, no going out for meals) then it probably just happened to be a weekend that he could've done with one.

It does sound like every minute was accounted for?

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 03/10/2023 16:31

Sounds fairly chilled to me but then weekends for me are usually non stop from one place to another.

There does seem a lot of socialising as well as a fair bit of work (painting is monotonous imo) so maybe it just wore him out

Clarevoyant1 · 03/10/2023 16:31

Sounds absolutely lovely but maybe your husband is just feeling a bit run down and needing some totally free weekends. If he thinks you always have too much on you can talk about balancing it more so that you have a mix of free weekends and weekends with things on.

HippeePrincess · 03/10/2023 16:32

That is absolutely not a chilled weekend it’s rammed with housework and DIY with social stuff on top. I’d want a weekend of nothing after that to recover.

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 16:32

I should point out, it's the decorating / house stuff he was huffing about, not the social stuff. We're both pretty sociable people, but probably more me than him.

I think it's the fact that we have a continual, never-ending list of things that need doing in the house/garden that bothers him - but that's normal for middle aged homeowners, no?

OP posts:
orchardsquare · 03/10/2023 16:32

It sounds quite busy to me. I think it's the decorating time that would spoil it - Friday sounds good, but then it might have been nice to do just the decorating, or have people round and not bother with the decorating.

Beachwalker66 · 03/10/2023 16:33

It would be way too much for me.

TiredMamOfTwo · 03/10/2023 16:33

Nah, that's not a chilled weekend.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 16:33

There is no 'normal' way to spend your weekend - if I am honest I wouldn't call that 'chilled' but then again some folk might think my weekends are beyond 'chilled' (in that they are so relaxed). I don't think you are working him into the ground, but equally you do need to accept that he might not want to do exactly the same things as you. Maybe he'd like some more time to himself, maybe his energy levels are different, maybe you've been really busy other weekends and for this one to be chilled you'd really have to have not done very much at all?

CancertheCrab · 03/10/2023 16:33

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 03/10/2023 16:31

Sounds fairly chilled to me but then weekends for me are usually non stop from one place to another.

There does seem a lot of socialising as well as a fair bit of work (painting is monotonous imo) so maybe it just wore him out

nothing wrong with a non stop weekend from one place to another, if it is your choice of place and pace, but rushing around all over the place to the beat of someone elses completely different drum is just another hard day at work

Singleandproud · 03/10/2023 16:34

That sounds fine if on a Bank Holiday and you had another day to rest.

We normally have a doing day, sport Sunday am then nothing in the afternoon to do as we please.

MrsKeats · 03/10/2023 16:35

That's not chilled to me at all.

TheChosenTwo · 03/10/2023 16:35

Sounds like a productive and pretty pleasant weekend but not especially chilled.
But things like decorating are not weekly tasks, you won’t be doing it again next weekend so hopefully more time for him to relax.

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 16:35

I was expecting to hear to like going on 20 mile hikes, visit every family member up to 5th cousin twice removed and attend mass. Not general socialising and shopping. A bit of diy is fine as long as it’s not a project every weekend.

I have young children but they do sat/Sunday at their dads (rather than 1 weekend on/1 off). My weekend is run around getting them/their things ready Saturday morning, drop them off, go to the gym (currently on pause after an accident), go to the supermarket, come home and clean/wash/dry/fold/put away clothes, general housework. Then Saturday evening I either have wine/takeaway and tv or go out with a friend. Sunday is sleep in until 9/10am then lounge around with coffee, prep for the week (uniforms, who needs lunches etc) until it’s pickup time. Honestly I find it blissful despite endless housework 😂

Mushroo · 03/10/2023 16:36

No, the household stuff is not relaxing.

A chilled weekend for me would be:

  • your Friday night
  • Saturday without the decorating or having people round, perhaps get a takeaway. Supermarket trip is fine.
  • Sunday walk and roast and chill.
What are all these things that need doing in the house / garden? We rarely do DIY and nothing bad has happened.
IhearyouClemFandango · 03/10/2023 16:37

Sounds very chilled to me. I guess some people have less capacity than others.

Ace56 · 03/10/2023 16:38

That would be a chilled weekend without the decorating. With the decorating, it’s pretty busy and not much down time or time to just do nothing, so I can see where he’s coming from.

dressedforcomfort · 03/10/2023 16:38

It's horses for courses.

I'm an extrovert. For me that would be a lovely weekend, for my introvert husband it would be far too much...if he doesn't have at least one uninterrupted day to vegetate in the house, he can barely function.

VeridicalVagabond · 03/10/2023 16:38

For me I work my arse off during the week very deliberately so I can do absolutely fuck all at the weekend. Your weekend sounds packed to me I'm afraid!

LusaBatoosa · 03/10/2023 16:39

I would be exhausted by that. No (for me) recharge time. Are you very extroverted, OP?

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