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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is a fairly normal/chilled weekend?

295 replies

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 16:23

DH had a gentle huff about always having stuff to do on the weekends. When I raised an eyebrow at him, he back tracked and just muttered about being tired and grumpy.

I'm genuinely surprised that he raised this, as I thought out weekend was pretty normal, and actually, if anything, I think we have a pretty easy time of it now.

To set the scene, during the week, we both predominantly WfH with max 1-2 days each in the office, and we tend to work approx 8-4, with an hour lunch break. As a result most day to day washing, cleaning etc is kept up to date as we go along, as they are frankly short days, and we have plenty of time to keep on top of stuff during the week. We have 2 "children" - one is away at Uni, and the other is in Sixth Form, both good kids and pretty independent without much input required from us apart from the general parental support and guidance. Kids can drive, so not having to run them round to activities and social life any more. Household stuff is shared pretty equally, we tend to work well as a team.

So this weekend:

Friday evening - popped to see friend in pub for a drink straight from work at 4, then went for an early meal out with friends. Back home by 9.30ish and an early night after a lovely evening.

Saturday- lay in til about 9, went together to do a small supermarket shop, got back had a light lunch. We then did some decorating (repainting Uni teen's walls with a fresh coat of emulsion - so nothing taxing and room is already prepped and ready to go, first coat already done) from about 12.30 til about 3.30. DH then met his sibling and niece for a dog walk, whilst I prepped dinner. Sibling and niece joined us for dinner, then left about 9. DH and I chatted for a bit over a glass of wine, and then headed up to bed by around 10-10.30.

Sunday - lay in til about 9. We both took dog out for a leisurely walk, followed by brunch out together. Back home by about 12.30. Then we put teens newly decorated room back to rights, cleared up all the decorating kit, hoovered, dusted all surfaces and cleaned the carpet in that room. I stopped about 4pm to cook a roast dinner. DH finished up and was done by 5.30. We sat down with teen for a family roast. Cleared up jointly after the roast - all done and dusted by about 7pm. The evening now our own for back to work stuff, chilling, listening to radio, reading etc. Both headed up to bed about 10.30ish.

Is this a particularly busy or taxing weekend?

To my mind it was really chilled and lovely. A good balance of social, family and couple time, some jobs done (and nice rewarding ones where you can see the difference!), but plenty of downtime.

I'm generally more assertive than DH and not one to sit around, so I just want to sense check that I'm not working DH into the ground or not listening to his needs! DH is very mild natured and easy going, so even a grumble from him is pretty unusual. If it is too much work, too busy, I want to hear that!

We're late 40s/early 50s, and generally fit and healthy. I'd say we have a pretty great relationship and enjoy each other's company.

OP posts:
trampoline123 · 03/10/2023 17:41

It's chilled but still doing stuff - sounds like he wants/needs a vegetation sofa day, no one to meet etc.

notforonesecond · 03/10/2023 17:41

We’ve had 3 tester paint square on the spare room wall for 2 years because we just cannot be arsed to get the painting done. It’s so boring. He was probably just feeling drained from that and grumpy.

Your idea to give him some weekends off to choose what to do sounds like a good compromise.

OneWildNightWithJBJ · 03/10/2023 17:42

It’s really interesting different people’s perception of chilled!

Not sure I’d call it chilled as such, but pretty normal. Our weekends are always so busy, usually DIY, tidying, cleaning pets, dog walking, taking kids somewhere, shopping etc.

We both have full-on jobs during the week, so no time to do anything then. I also work on my business at the weekend so I can give up the day job.

Don’t think we have ever had a relaxing weekend in nearly 30 years together!

I am pretty introverted, but don’t mind seeing people now and again, but depends who it is I suppose.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 03/10/2023 17:45

No, it sounds like a lovely weekend with, as you say, lie-ins and a good mix of activities.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 03/10/2023 17:46

You only did 8 hours of decorating and room things over the weekend - hardly working your fingers to the bone all weekend!

samupnorth · 03/10/2023 17:48

Tontostitis · 03/10/2023 17:25

That is not chilled. Drinks and a curry with friends on Fri. We got up at ten on Sat tidied the hedges and garden had a late lunch played computer games went back to bed at 4.30 for a quickie before yoga and didn't get up again or go to yoga, other than to fetch a bottle wine from the kitchen and eat leftovers. Sunday met the grandkids in the park. Scooted down the seafront, early lunch on the pier then he went off to his craft room me to my sewing room and met back up at 5ish and I did a roast whilst he talked to his mum and sorted the washing. Spent the evening netflixing on the sofa. That's a chilled weekend !!

A curry, a quickie , yoga and wine. You are living my dream !

Mylovelyladylists · 03/10/2023 17:52

I’d say that’s a lovely chilled weekend OP. I’m jealous!

StarryStarryNightColours · 03/10/2023 17:54

Well here is what I think is chilled.

Took a tai chi class, went out to lunch, small supermarket shop, watched a film on Netflix.

Went for an hour long walk, DH did some DIY I did some chores and DS GF came round for dinner and a board game and then more Netflix this time with ice cream.

Topseyt123 · 03/10/2023 18:03

Doesn't sound very chilled to me. More like very full on.

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 18:06

notforonesecond · 03/10/2023 17:41

We’ve had 3 tester paint square on the spare room wall for 2 years because we just cannot be arsed to get the painting done. It’s so boring. He was probably just feeling drained from that and grumpy.

Your idea to give him some weekends off to choose what to do sounds like a good compromise.

OMG! 2 YEARS!!!! Even the thought of that, in someone else's home, sets my teeth on edge. I'm going to have nightmares tonight! For this, I know I'm unreasonable, but it honestly hurts my brain!

OP posts:
Intriguedbythis · 03/10/2023 18:08

I’m baffled. To me it sounds like a really calm relaxed weekend! Reading some other answers makes me think maybe I need to reassess my weekends then!

PinkRiceKrispies · 03/10/2023 18:10

Sunday sounds very demanding. Overall, doesn't sound all that chilled to me. I say that as a 38 year old.

Diymesss · 03/10/2023 18:17

It sounds really easy to me, but then I’m on my own with two small kids, one with special needs, and trying to repaint my whole house in the small snippets of time I have when not working full time or looking after them. It’s all relative and a matter of perception isn’t it. If he doesn’t want to do the painting could you happily do it alone?

BeansOnToast32 · 03/10/2023 18:20

I don't think it's a chilled weekend at all and it's my idea of hell but I'm a massive introvert.

We don't have kids and won't be having them so our weekends are pretty lazy we get up between 8:15-8:30 but do nothing strenuous at all, all day. I like to get any jobs out of the way during the week so we have absolutely nothing to do at the weekend. We cook and eat, walk/play with the dog, most of the day OH watches football while I read my kindle or game on the laptop, in the evenings we watch tv series' with snacks and go to bed between 12-1am.

I'm sure my weekends are most people's worst nightmare but I love them.

theresastormcoming · 03/10/2023 18:21

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spitefulandbadgrammar · 03/10/2023 18:23

It sounds fairly chilled from my vantage point of maniacal toddlers and soft play hell, but not a lot of unplanned time. Do you ever have weekends with no plans, where someone can read a book all morning or simply potter?

Lorelaigilless · 03/10/2023 18:23

This whole thing sounds an absolute dream. I’d love this to be my life, sounds very relaxed to me.

riotlady · 03/10/2023 18:27

Sounds like a nice weekend, but not particularly chilled. I’d need less jobs and socialising and a good long stretch of nothing for a properly chilled (without children) weekend.

MNetcurtains · 03/10/2023 18:33

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 16:32

I should point out, it's the decorating / house stuff he was huffing about, not the social stuff. We're both pretty sociable people, but probably more me than him.

I think it's the fact that we have a continual, never-ending list of things that need doing in the house/garden that bothers him - but that's normal for middle aged homeowners, no?

Friggin exhausting!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/10/2023 18:38

As OP says, ‘I’m not one to sit around’.
Says it all, really.
I dare say her dh would like to do some ‘sitting around’ at the weekend.

To some of us, people who need to be constantly ‘doing something’ can be very wearing - if they can’t just get on and do it on their own. Quietly!
Should add that to me, ‘sitting around’ would virtually always mean a good book/Kindle and plenty of P and Q.

vapesareforsnakes · 03/10/2023 18:39

God no, sounds waaaayyy too busy for me.

DaisyWaldron · 03/10/2023 18:39

It sounds as though it could be a pleasant weekend, but I certainly wouldn't say there was plenty of downtime. I don't see any downtime until after 7pm on Sunday night. Everything else is socialising/doing stuff.

Hopingforno2in2023 · 03/10/2023 18:42

For me the key to feeling that I have had a chilled weekend is Sunday afternoon being free. I can cram the rest of the weekend with stuff but Sunday afternoon is for lazing. I would hate doing decorating and moving furniture then.

gerrithedom · 03/10/2023 18:52

I'm more like your DH here, this would stress me out. But neither of you are "wrong".

You just enjoy and prioritise different things.

gerrithedom · 03/10/2023 18:53

Send your DH to my house, he can get into bed with me and my DH and watch 3 films on a Sunday and then order a curry 😂

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