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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is a fairly normal/chilled weekend?

295 replies

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 16:23

DH had a gentle huff about always having stuff to do on the weekends. When I raised an eyebrow at him, he back tracked and just muttered about being tired and grumpy.

I'm genuinely surprised that he raised this, as I thought out weekend was pretty normal, and actually, if anything, I think we have a pretty easy time of it now.

To set the scene, during the week, we both predominantly WfH with max 1-2 days each in the office, and we tend to work approx 8-4, with an hour lunch break. As a result most day to day washing, cleaning etc is kept up to date as we go along, as they are frankly short days, and we have plenty of time to keep on top of stuff during the week. We have 2 "children" - one is away at Uni, and the other is in Sixth Form, both good kids and pretty independent without much input required from us apart from the general parental support and guidance. Kids can drive, so not having to run them round to activities and social life any more. Household stuff is shared pretty equally, we tend to work well as a team.

So this weekend:

Friday evening - popped to see friend in pub for a drink straight from work at 4, then went for an early meal out with friends. Back home by 9.30ish and an early night after a lovely evening.

Saturday- lay in til about 9, went together to do a small supermarket shop, got back had a light lunch. We then did some decorating (repainting Uni teen's walls with a fresh coat of emulsion - so nothing taxing and room is already prepped and ready to go, first coat already done) from about 12.30 til about 3.30. DH then met his sibling and niece for a dog walk, whilst I prepped dinner. Sibling and niece joined us for dinner, then left about 9. DH and I chatted for a bit over a glass of wine, and then headed up to bed by around 10-10.30.

Sunday - lay in til about 9. We both took dog out for a leisurely walk, followed by brunch out together. Back home by about 12.30. Then we put teens newly decorated room back to rights, cleared up all the decorating kit, hoovered, dusted all surfaces and cleaned the carpet in that room. I stopped about 4pm to cook a roast dinner. DH finished up and was done by 5.30. We sat down with teen for a family roast. Cleared up jointly after the roast - all done and dusted by about 7pm. The evening now our own for back to work stuff, chilling, listening to radio, reading etc. Both headed up to bed about 10.30ish.

Is this a particularly busy or taxing weekend?

To my mind it was really chilled and lovely. A good balance of social, family and couple time, some jobs done (and nice rewarding ones where you can see the difference!), but plenty of downtime.

I'm generally more assertive than DH and not one to sit around, so I just want to sense check that I'm not working DH into the ground or not listening to his needs! DH is very mild natured and easy going, so even a grumble from him is pretty unusual. If it is too much work, too busy, I want to hear that!

We're late 40s/early 50s, and generally fit and healthy. I'd say we have a pretty great relationship and enjoy each other's company.

OP posts:
GingerIsBest · 03/10/2023 17:00

CaptainClover · 03/10/2023 16:57

I'm amazed how many people think your weekend was taxing at all and I'm older than you are. It sounds very low key with no stress and sleeping from 10.30-9am is a long time!!
What do people do with all this free time they need??
However, if you husband would like a bit more time to just watch tv or whatever then I guess that's up to him.

But this is the thing, everyone is different. I chuckled at a friend the other day who, by 9:30 am was bored so took herself off to a last minute sports activity. I've never, in my entire life, being bored by 9:30 in the morning! Grin But she is the definition of an extrovert and likes to be busy. The same friend kept sending me text messages from their lovely holiday over the summer because the kids were in the pool and she was bored. If my kids were spending 6 hours in the pool on holiday, I'd be the happiest person you've ever met at being able to read for 6 hours straight!

CattingAbout · 03/10/2023 17:00

Both DH and I like time alone and to chill so the fact that it was constantly together as well as doing things would be exhausting. So we'd far more likely have split the chores - I'd have done the shopping and dog walking, while he did the DIY, and then we both would have had time to sit on our butts drinking tea and watching tv/reading/watching sport

This was kind of my thinking too. We wouldn't do the food shopping together.

I think for me I could handle the social stuff or the DIY, but both together makes it a fairly busy weekend.

SusiePevensie · 03/10/2023 17:00

Lie until 9? That is not a lie in. And that is not remotely a chilled weekend.

gerrithedom · 03/10/2023 17:02

That's a pretty full weekend to me.

But then I (age 38) watched all 3 LotR films on Sunday under a blanket with a bottle of chianti and then ordered an Indian, so I might not be the best judge.

Any weekend involving DIY or cleaning carpets is my hell.

gerrithedom · 03/10/2023 17:02

SusiePevensie · 03/10/2023 17:00

Lie until 9? That is not a lie in. And that is not remotely a chilled weekend.

And no, I agree 9 on a weekend isn't a lie in unless you have small kids!

PinkRoses1245 · 03/10/2023 17:02

I’d said for us that’s a chilled weekend. We go away a lot to see friends etc so being at home is considered chilled. That said we’ve been spending every weekend renovating our new house for last few months so any down time would be a treat.

stayathomer · 03/10/2023 17:03

Sounds like a nice weekend but busy- you met people, decorated and had a roast! On a chilled weekend it would be books, tv, sitting outside and cooking would be bare minimum no clean up except the dishwasher. Sounds like a lovely weekend but it’s definitely not doing nothing!

Illbebythesea · 03/10/2023 17:03

Sounds chilled to me! & it’s nice to get a few jobs done because then you feel rested but also have a tidy mind (imo)

To those saying it doesn’t sound chilled at all what is your idea of a chilled weekend? Not being goady genuine intrigued!

BarbedButterfly · 03/10/2023 17:04

I couldn't cope with that tbh. How about alternating weekends, so one busy and one with no jobs and just relaxing?

Shoxfordian · 03/10/2023 17:04

All that painting sounds annoying; especially if you have to do some job or another every weekend

DrCoconut · 03/10/2023 17:05

My capacity is quite low at the moment. What you describe would completely overwhelm me in terms of doing stuff and seeing people. I have 2 kids with additional needs (plus one other) and am a working lone parent. My weekends need to involve lots of sitting around doing naff all for me to have a hope of recharging from one week ready for the next. I run on fumes most of the time. We have at least one zero pressure zero expectations day to just potter and get essentials like uniform washing done. Then maybe a small outing the other day. Or more home time. The kids like being at home and I need it.

Canibearsed · 03/10/2023 17:05

It’s lovely that you enjoy spending so much time together but I personally would need my own space just to read ,chill on my own . The DIY would really be so un relaxing TBH .

BarbedButterfly · 03/10/2023 17:06

To answer questions above. Lie in both days, read a book, maybe pop out for brunch. A bit of pottering round the garden as I love plants and like having somewhere pretty to sit out. Maybe a cinema trip.

We get housework done during the week though and don't have kids so easier for us.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 17:06

SusiePevensie · 03/10/2023 17:00

Lie until 9? That is not a lie in. And that is not remotely a chilled weekend.

9am is most definitely a lie in for me, but I appreciate that others might see that as getting up fairly early on a weekend.

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/10/2023 17:06

I suspect that's a chilled weekend for people who recharge by socialising, and a busy weekend for people who recharge by getting away from other people.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 03/10/2023 17:07

I wouldn't regard a weekend involving 8 hours of decorating as chilled out, no! We do all our own decorating and it is a royal pain in the arse, frankly. We finally finished decorating the whole house a couple of years ago, and I am nit picking up a paintbrush again for a looong time! The sociable bits of your weekend sound nice though.

samupnorth · 03/10/2023 17:08

Sounds very structured with little time to do nothing. Not relaxing at all.

Snittler · 03/10/2023 17:08

I need at least one day of no social contact a weekend, and ideally two for it to be a “chilled” weekend.

I specifically plan to have a no DIY/socialising day on some weekends… my husband still usually does bits, but he’s more relaxed when he’s doing odd jobs whereas I prefer to do nothing to recuperate from a busy week at work.

But no that’s not a chilled weekend, and probably slightly more busy that a “normal” weekend.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 03/10/2023 17:08

Illbebythesea · 03/10/2023 17:03

Sounds chilled to me! & it’s nice to get a few jobs done because then you feel rested but also have a tidy mind (imo)

To those saying it doesn’t sound chilled at all what is your idea of a chilled weekend? Not being goady genuine intrigued!

My idea of chilled involves lots of fresh air, nice food, a good film, something to stimulate my brain (craft or language lesson), a walk, not 'having' to do anything as such!

Canibearsed · 03/10/2023 17:09

gerrithedom · 03/10/2023 17:02

And no, I agree 9 on a weekend isn't a lie in unless you have small kids!

Agree. 9 am is not a lie . Yes if you still have little people ,but a definite no if just yourself to think about.

margotrose · 03/10/2023 17:11

It sounds like a nice, productive weekend - I definitely wouldn't describe it as chilled though. You did eight hours of decorating/painting/sorting/rearranging on top of the food shop, several dog walks, two meals out, a meal with family and a big roast dinner.

I don't see much (if any) downtime there at all, really. Yes, you had some social events but that's not the same as just chilling at home in your pyjamas doing nothing.

DaisyAster · 03/10/2023 17:15

Sounds pretty chilled to me and I would categorise myself as lazy and not very social. Half the socialising is with DH's sister, so not too taxing unless the relationship is difficult. I guess a constant dripfeed of DIY vould be annoying, even if it's done in bite size pieces, if you really want to just relax or it's taking time away from a hobby you want to do.

Wexone · 03/10/2023 17:15

swet lord that's not chilled for me. chilled for me is sleep in till 10 or 11 sat. If dogs allow. lie in bed watching TV for a bit more or read get up leasuirly shower or head to get my hair done. Nice lunch with friends home for walk dogs. takeaway and wine that night. same sun sleep till 11 if dogs allow. Nice time in bed with husband 😉 get up either go out for Sunday lunch or cook dinner. walk.dogs then sit on sofa all afternoon either watching TV or reading with a nice few glasses of wine. might have a snooze too. what you have described is a productive weekend that sometimes need to be done but not evey weekend. ps I would have paid for someone to paint the room or took annual leave to do the room over a bank hol weekens

Takeabreather23 · 03/10/2023 17:15

Sounds nice and balanced . But….. a lot of people mixing. Maybe that was best kept for a weekend without decorating .
Some people need down time to do absolutely nothing . Also did he want time to himself or to do a hobby.
Maybe talk to him about it before resentment kicks in .

AllyCart · 03/10/2023 17:17

The seeing friends and family sounds fine but the chores would bore me to death and take up too much of the supposed 'downtime'.

It's not that I don't have "capacity" to do stuff, as someone mentioned above - I have loads - it's that I would not relish having so much 'stuff' planned in to do. It would feel like work rather than being chilled.

I would rather spend time on an evening doing the decorating and cleaning up you described, since you sound to have relatively short work days.

The weekend you described would have gone by in a flash for me and left me frustrated on Sunday night.

However, I do detest "lie ins" and tend to wake up by 7am very latest everyday and I like to do something early to make the most of the day.

For instance last Saturday I woke up at 6.30 with the idea that I'd like to get something nice for lunch from a great butcher/deli I know around 10 miles away. I was at the shop when they opened at 7.30am and back home by 8.15 with some nice bits and feeling quite happy with myself that there was still a full day left to relax, or do whatever came up. DH was up and outside cleaning one of his bikes when I got back as he's not a lie in type, either.