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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is a fairly normal/chilled weekend?

295 replies

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 16:23

DH had a gentle huff about always having stuff to do on the weekends. When I raised an eyebrow at him, he back tracked and just muttered about being tired and grumpy.

I'm genuinely surprised that he raised this, as I thought out weekend was pretty normal, and actually, if anything, I think we have a pretty easy time of it now.

To set the scene, during the week, we both predominantly WfH with max 1-2 days each in the office, and we tend to work approx 8-4, with an hour lunch break. As a result most day to day washing, cleaning etc is kept up to date as we go along, as they are frankly short days, and we have plenty of time to keep on top of stuff during the week. We have 2 "children" - one is away at Uni, and the other is in Sixth Form, both good kids and pretty independent without much input required from us apart from the general parental support and guidance. Kids can drive, so not having to run them round to activities and social life any more. Household stuff is shared pretty equally, we tend to work well as a team.

So this weekend:

Friday evening - popped to see friend in pub for a drink straight from work at 4, then went for an early meal out with friends. Back home by 9.30ish and an early night after a lovely evening.

Saturday- lay in til about 9, went together to do a small supermarket shop, got back had a light lunch. We then did some decorating (repainting Uni teen's walls with a fresh coat of emulsion - so nothing taxing and room is already prepped and ready to go, first coat already done) from about 12.30 til about 3.30. DH then met his sibling and niece for a dog walk, whilst I prepped dinner. Sibling and niece joined us for dinner, then left about 9. DH and I chatted for a bit over a glass of wine, and then headed up to bed by around 10-10.30.

Sunday - lay in til about 9. We both took dog out for a leisurely walk, followed by brunch out together. Back home by about 12.30. Then we put teens newly decorated room back to rights, cleared up all the decorating kit, hoovered, dusted all surfaces and cleaned the carpet in that room. I stopped about 4pm to cook a roast dinner. DH finished up and was done by 5.30. We sat down with teen for a family roast. Cleared up jointly after the roast - all done and dusted by about 7pm. The evening now our own for back to work stuff, chilling, listening to radio, reading etc. Both headed up to bed about 10.30ish.

Is this a particularly busy or taxing weekend?

To my mind it was really chilled and lovely. A good balance of social, family and couple time, some jobs done (and nice rewarding ones where you can see the difference!), but plenty of downtime.

I'm generally more assertive than DH and not one to sit around, so I just want to sense check that I'm not working DH into the ground or not listening to his needs! DH is very mild natured and easy going, so even a grumble from him is pretty unusual. If it is too much work, too busy, I want to hear that!

We're late 40s/early 50s, and generally fit and healthy. I'd say we have a pretty great relationship and enjoy each other's company.

OP posts:
EmptyWineGlass · 03/10/2023 16:39

If I'd decorated a room over a weekend and not done any of the socialising I'd call it an eventful weekend! I'm fit and healthy, I just need down time, and some of that down time completely on my own. Similarly, if I had a weekend with just the socialising, I'd really enjoy it but I'd be yearning for some time by myself.

roarrfeckingroar · 03/10/2023 16:39

I had one who didn't want to do things. It was a major reason I left - I get claustrophobic if I'm in all day

Xmasbaby11 · 03/10/2023 16:40

YABU

no that's not chilled - you were busy most of the time, either out or doing chores. Chilled would be having a day when you do more or less nothing!

Productive and balanced but definitely not chilled. Sounds like your weekdays are not busy so perhaps you have lots of energy at the weekend but dh wants time to recharge.

Aprilx · 03/10/2023 16:40

It sounds like a lot to me, no downtime at all.

mynameiscalypso · 03/10/2023 16:41

For me, a chilled weekend is staying at home, eating some nice (but easy) food and reading/watching TV. Maybe some light exercise. Definitely not housework or seeing any other humans (beyond DH and DS).

LusaBatoosa · 03/10/2023 16:41

dressedforcomfort · 03/10/2023 16:38

It's horses for courses.

I'm an extrovert. For me that would be a lovely weekend, for my introvert husband it would be far too much...if he doesn't have at least one uninterrupted day to vegetate in the house, he can barely function.

I’m basically your husband. If someone took away my veg time, I’d cry.

Blueeyes13 · 03/10/2023 16:42

That sounds like a full on weekend to me. If we do DIY we only do Saturday or Sunday, not both. We try to have one day just to chill, take the dog out, maybe a roast. We have quite a list of things to do around the house, but neither of us would function well with a weekend like yours every week! We have younger kids and Saturdays is full on sport all day and ferrying them around.

Cadenza12 · 03/10/2023 16:42

Sounds like a pretty easy, social time. You have short days, no commute and a good mix of things to do. My DH was working 12 hour days and spending an hour or two on the M25. Yes, there's always something that needs doing when you have a house. Not as if he was down a mine.

moleeye · 03/10/2023 16:44

Sounds like bliss

BlueLaLoo · 03/10/2023 16:44

I'm exhausted reading that, and I'm much more extroverted and busy then my DP.

Any one of those days would have required DP to have a full day recovery to recharge and have down time where he looked into space in his pants. It would be decorating or socialising, not both and!

Tinytigertail · 03/10/2023 16:44

That to me is a pretty low key, chilled weekend. I love weekends like that!

Squirrelblanket · 03/10/2023 16:46

It sounds quite busy to me but would be fine without the decorating and possibly only one social occasion. I know you've taken the time to minimise the decorating part in your description but it's a massive hassle and a chore if you hate DIY, like I do. 🥴

We are similar ages to you and we've often felt too busy and that we have no free time on weekends. We realised it was because we had 'something' planned every weekend. We now keep at least one weekend a month totally free and we can use this for spontaneous plans or nothing at all. But it's just nice to have that breathing space.

wordler · 03/10/2023 16:47

Sounds really busy to me - nice busy - but busy.

Chilled is getting a big mug of tea and sitting down to read a novel for a couple of hours.

A day not having to see anyone at all and just pottering.

wannabetraveler · 03/10/2023 16:47

dressedforcomfort · 03/10/2023 16:38

It's horses for courses.

I'm an extrovert. For me that would be a lovely weekend, for my introvert husband it would be far too much...if he doesn't have at least one uninterrupted day to vegetate in the house, he can barely function.

Same here. I think the difference is that I see the dinner with friends as relaxing, whereas my husband sees that as time that he has to be "on". Neither is wrong well he's a bit wrong

Though I must admit I do wonder about the people who would find that "exhausting" and "hellish". It's painting a wall, not building a house!

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 16:48

Thank you - this is very interesting.

DH generally subscribes to the happy wife = happy life theory, so I do have to check myself that I don't take advantage of his lovely nature! Hence why I'm asking this rather than just dismissing him!

For those that asked, I'd describe myself as gently extroverted, I would say DH is also gently extroverted. We both like being around people, but neither of us are loud, life and soul of the party types. I don't think the social side was an issue for DH at all, nor the eating out.

I think he gets fed up with never ending "jobs". We've not long ago had an extension, so we're still playing catch up with some decorating. Because our weeks are fairly easy, weekends tend to be saved for the "big jobs" - e.g decorating, maintenance, gardening, spring cleaning etc, which we tend to tackle together. We honestly never seem to get to the end of the list of jobs that need doing! But we tend to tackle them at a fairly chilled pace.

OP posts:
GingerIsBest · 03/10/2023 16:49

Your weekend sounds exhausting to me, but I can understand why it was fine for you.

Both DH and I like time alone and to chill so the fact that it was constantly together as well as doing things would be exhausting. So we'd far more likely have split the chores - I'd have done the shopping and dog walking, while he did the DIY, and then we both would have had time to sit on our butts drinking tea and watching tv/reading/watching sport.

gotomomo · 03/10/2023 16:49

Seems pretty chilled to me, not unlike our quiet weekends (busy ones are more common!)

hydriotaphia · 03/10/2023 16:50

It sounds fine but it's also ok for your husband to express his wants and needs.... Why don't you just ask what he would have changed about the weekend? It doesn't really matter how strangers on the internet would enjoy the life you and your husband are leading? Personally I would find that a bit of a chore-filled and dull weekend, even if not especially hectic.

Wakeywake · 03/10/2023 16:51

Maybe he just wants one weekend when he can put his feet up and not do DIY. I wouldn't say 40-something year old home owners have to do something around the house every weekend, no. We fall under this category.

CrapBucket · 03/10/2023 16:51

It sounds chilled to me, the jobs were more kind of pottering than full on. And the food and social side sounds lovely.

CancertheCrab · 03/10/2023 16:51

but " tackling never ending jobs at a chilled pace" just means they never get done - can you afford to boost the process hiring a couple of work men for a few days?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/10/2023 16:54

It sounds pleasant but not chilled, because you were fitting in a home decoration project around various fixed social plans.

The fact that constant home maintenance is normal does not make it chilled so much as relentless, I find.

Worldgonecrazy · 03/10/2023 16:54

Sounds lovely.

CaptainClover · 03/10/2023 16:57

I'm amazed how many people think your weekend was taxing at all and I'm older than you are. It sounds very low key with no stress and sleeping from 10.30-9am is a long time!!
What do people do with all this free time they need??
However, if you husband would like a bit more time to just watch tv or whatever then I guess that's up to him.

Badaba · 03/10/2023 16:58

A chilled weekend for me involves noone sticking stuff into my free time. Dog walks, feeding yourselves... those are the bits you can't avoid. And there's nothing wrong with some DIY sometimes. But for me to truly feel rested, I do bugger all after church on Sundays (well I feed the kids).

Your DH needs to communicate better though. If my DH proposed going out to eat when I want rest, I'd just say no and he'd respect that.

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