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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is a fairly normal/chilled weekend?

295 replies

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 16:23

DH had a gentle huff about always having stuff to do on the weekends. When I raised an eyebrow at him, he back tracked and just muttered about being tired and grumpy.

I'm genuinely surprised that he raised this, as I thought out weekend was pretty normal, and actually, if anything, I think we have a pretty easy time of it now.

To set the scene, during the week, we both predominantly WfH with max 1-2 days each in the office, and we tend to work approx 8-4, with an hour lunch break. As a result most day to day washing, cleaning etc is kept up to date as we go along, as they are frankly short days, and we have plenty of time to keep on top of stuff during the week. We have 2 "children" - one is away at Uni, and the other is in Sixth Form, both good kids and pretty independent without much input required from us apart from the general parental support and guidance. Kids can drive, so not having to run them round to activities and social life any more. Household stuff is shared pretty equally, we tend to work well as a team.

So this weekend:

Friday evening - popped to see friend in pub for a drink straight from work at 4, then went for an early meal out with friends. Back home by 9.30ish and an early night after a lovely evening.

Saturday- lay in til about 9, went together to do a small supermarket shop, got back had a light lunch. We then did some decorating (repainting Uni teen's walls with a fresh coat of emulsion - so nothing taxing and room is already prepped and ready to go, first coat already done) from about 12.30 til about 3.30. DH then met his sibling and niece for a dog walk, whilst I prepped dinner. Sibling and niece joined us for dinner, then left about 9. DH and I chatted for a bit over a glass of wine, and then headed up to bed by around 10-10.30.

Sunday - lay in til about 9. We both took dog out for a leisurely walk, followed by brunch out together. Back home by about 12.30. Then we put teens newly decorated room back to rights, cleared up all the decorating kit, hoovered, dusted all surfaces and cleaned the carpet in that room. I stopped about 4pm to cook a roast dinner. DH finished up and was done by 5.30. We sat down with teen for a family roast. Cleared up jointly after the roast - all done and dusted by about 7pm. The evening now our own for back to work stuff, chilling, listening to radio, reading etc. Both headed up to bed about 10.30ish.

Is this a particularly busy or taxing weekend?

To my mind it was really chilled and lovely. A good balance of social, family and couple time, some jobs done (and nice rewarding ones where you can see the difference!), but plenty of downtime.

I'm generally more assertive than DH and not one to sit around, so I just want to sense check that I'm not working DH into the ground or not listening to his needs! DH is very mild natured and easy going, so even a grumble from him is pretty unusual. If it is too much work, too busy, I want to hear that!

We're late 40s/early 50s, and generally fit and healthy. I'd say we have a pretty great relationship and enjoy each other's company.

OP posts:
LegendsBeyond · 03/10/2023 17:18

Sounds lovely & completely normal, but I hate just vegging on the sofa doing nothing all day. I enjoy exercise and being productive. I know other people are different though.

samupnorth · 03/10/2023 17:18

Illbebythesea · 03/10/2023 17:03

Sounds chilled to me! & it’s nice to get a few jobs done because then you feel rested but also have a tidy mind (imo)

To those saying it doesn’t sound chilled at all what is your idea of a chilled weekend? Not being goady genuine intrigued!

For me , proper chilling involves no jobs like DIY. I like to get up early and relish the thought of having an entire day with no plans or expectations, socialising or otherwise.

CraftyPance · 03/10/2023 17:20

Sounds pretty busy with not much down time

Wanttobekind · 03/10/2023 17:20

I get the feeling of a never ending to do list of house and diy and garden being mentally draining. Are you the one who is more “let’s get it done”? In which case it might feel like there is permanent mental pressure.

Haggisfish3 · 03/10/2023 17:24

Love these 50/50 split threads! 🤣 I voted yabu as that’s a lot of socialising and decorating for me. And I like socialising! Interesting to read other views though.

dudsville · 03/10/2023 17:25

I think it sounds like a really lovely mix of things for an extrovert. I'd be exhausted and sleep poorly as a result! You sound like a wonderful family though.

Tontostitis · 03/10/2023 17:25

That is not chilled. Drinks and a curry with friends on Fri. We got up at ten on Sat tidied the hedges and garden had a late lunch played computer games went back to bed at 4.30 for a quickie before yoga and didn't get up again or go to yoga, other than to fetch a bottle wine from the kitchen and eat leftovers. Sunday met the grandkids in the park. Scooted down the seafront, early lunch on the pier then he went off to his craft room me to my sewing room and met back up at 5ish and I did a roast whilst he talked to his mum and sorted the washing. Spent the evening netflixing on the sofa. That's a chilled weekend !!

Haggisfish3 · 03/10/2023 17:26

A chilled weekend for me would be Friday maybe out for dinner. Sat lie in. Late brunch at home reading weekend papers. Walk somewhere quiet. Stay in Saturday watching funny tv or something. Sunday late get up again (11am). Walk. Bath. Dinner. A nap or two is always good.

Aprilx · 03/10/2023 17:27

SusiePevensie · 03/10/2023 17:00

Lie until 9? That is not a lie in. And that is not remotely a chilled weekend.

I agree not a remotely chilled weekend. How on earth is decorating a rom chilling out. 😄But staying in bed until 9am, that I would definitely see as a lie in, the only part of the weekend which I would consider to be taking it easy.

Nearlyadoctor · 03/10/2023 17:28

Sounds a pretty average weekend to me, jobs and a bit of socialising. Nothing too taxing , so relatively chilled.

Justcallmebebes · 03/10/2023 17:29

That sounds lovely and chilled to me with loads of downtime

1month · 03/10/2023 17:30

I’d say both of YABU

It’s not the most busy/full weekend I’ve ever heard of like he’s making it out to be but it’s not the most chilled, relaxed weekend you’re making it out to be.

For me, if I’m doing something like decorating, I would typically then not plan anything for the evening as that’s my time to relax.

Having to do the decorating and going out all on the same day/s seems quite overwhelming for me but then I am a bit of an introvert and I’m a single parent so I’d be doing the decorating by myself.
I also don’t wfh and so enjoy staying in when I get a chance.

morbidd · 03/10/2023 17:31

Dear god that is too much for me, and I have no children.

The socialising alone would have tired me out, that's before doing DIY bits.

Yeah YABU.

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 17:32

Wanttobekind · 03/10/2023 17:20

I get the feeling of a never ending to do list of house and diy and garden being mentally draining. Are you the one who is more “let’s get it done”? In which case it might feel like there is permanent mental pressure.

Yes, this is it.

I can tell there's lots of introverts on this thread - regardless of how many times I say DH doesn't have a problem with the socialising aspect. (TBH, this weekend was probably lighter on socialising than our usual ones, due to the DIY. His sister & niece joining him for dog walk and us for dinner was impromptu, and arranged by him, and really no big deal. They're lovely, we get on and they're family, so welcome any time)

The issue is that as the poster above says I'm the "let's get it done" one. Another poster described getting stuff done as "a tidy mind", and that's exactly how I feel. I get a buzz/sense of satisfaction from a job done well and ticked off, a little bit of my mind feels in order. I don't think DH has that. So I don't think he gets the same mental reward from doing the jobs that I do. Equally, he feels far less stressed by things needing to be done. He could quite happily ignore the to-do list, whereas I can't.

No DIY or big jobs next weekend then. I'll ask DH what he feels like doing. (It won't be sitting around on the sofa, or having time alone though - probably long dog walk, pub lunch with friends, board game night - that kind of thing - but I'll leave it up to him to choose).

OP posts:
1month · 03/10/2023 17:32

Tontostitis · 03/10/2023 17:25

That is not chilled. Drinks and a curry with friends on Fri. We got up at ten on Sat tidied the hedges and garden had a late lunch played computer games went back to bed at 4.30 for a quickie before yoga and didn't get up again or go to yoga, other than to fetch a bottle wine from the kitchen and eat leftovers. Sunday met the grandkids in the park. Scooted down the seafront, early lunch on the pier then he went off to his craft room me to my sewing room and met back up at 5ish and I did a roast whilst he talked to his mum and sorted the washing. Spent the evening netflixing on the sofa. That's a chilled weekend !!

I love my DC but this sounds like absolute heaven!!

DaisyAster · 03/10/2023 17:33

Also, just doing the decorating without socialising would be worse!

ALargeChardonnayPlease · 03/10/2023 17:34

Everyone's idea of chilled is subjective. However, what you've described, I wouldn't constitute as chilled. In fact, I'd describe it as quite full on and I'd be quite exhausted by the end of the weekend. A chilled weekend for me, wouldn't involve socialising with others, but that's because I can find social interactions draining. Adding DIY on top of that feels like a lot.

It sounds like hubby could do with having a super chilled weekend, with at least one day of no plans, but the option to do as much or as little as he wants. Even WFH can be tiring, maybe not physically, but definitely mentally and emotionally!

Drttc · 03/10/2023 17:34

I think the issue may be the DIY- personally I find it exhausting (even the thought of it)! Everything else sounds busy-ish but still very nice balance. If you do the same again without DIY it’s perfect IMO. Maybe he means he wants to not ‘work’ one weekend and I’d say lots of people consider DIY and hosting on your down time is work.

StarryStarryNightColours · 03/10/2023 17:34

Nothing wrong with that weekend but bollocks is that chilled.

Ragwort · 03/10/2023 17:36

Do you always spend your weekends together? I like to have plenty of time on my own so I am much happier if DH is doing his own thing (preferably outside the house) and I can 'chill' on my own ... but I appreciate not all couples are like that. Is one of you more of an 'organiser'?

Gallowayan · 03/10/2023 17:36

Given the relationship dynamic you have outlined, it is possible this was your DHs way of saying you are driving him too hard.

It's impressive that you raising one eyebrow is enough to cause him to backtrack.

Only way to find out what he is thinking is to ask him.

Primproperpenny · 03/10/2023 17:37

Sounds like a good balance to me and painting is hardly taxing. If that was too much for him, he can’t have much backbone!

Beautiful3 · 03/10/2023 17:38

Seems like a busy weekend to me. My husband likes to be busy, I'm the opposite. I like to do nothing, for one day at the weekend. Obviously I still have the meals prepared and the dog to walk, but just like to chill out.

Sparkletastic · 03/10/2023 17:38

It's the decorating that tips it. I'd outsource that if you can afford to.

ManateeFair · 03/10/2023 17:40

That sounds like the opposite of chilled to me. Socialising with various different people on Friday and Saturday, two days decorating, a supermarket shop, cooking roasts etc. Also 9am isn't what I'd call a lie-in and 10.30 to me would be a weirdly early weekend bedtime.

My idea of a 'chilled' weekend would involve a maximum of one bit of low-key socialising and definitely no DIY or chores. It would involve a lot of sitting in bed listening the radio with a cuppa until 10.30am and a lot of mooching around doing arty stuff/watching the football/reading/watching a film. DP and I might go out for dinner on Friday or Sunday evening, just us. Or perhaps we'd go to a gallery or something on Sunday and then have lunch out. That would be 'chilled' for me.