AIBU to think this is a fairly normal/chilled weekend?

[mrsm43s]

DH had a gentle huff about always having stuff to do on the weekends. When I raised an eyebrow at him, he back tracked and just muttered about being tired and grumpy.

I'm genuinely surprised that he raised this, as I thought out weekend was pretty normal, and actually, if anything, I think we have a pretty easy time of it now.

To set the scene, during the week, we both predominantly WfH with max 1-2 days each in the office, and we tend to work approx 8-4, with an hour lunch break. As a result most day to day washing, cleaning etc is kept up to date as we go along, as they are frankly short days, and we have plenty of time to keep on top of stuff during the week. We have 2 "children" - one is away at Uni, and the other is in Sixth Form, both good kids and pretty independent without much input required from us apart from the general parental support and guidance. Kids can drive, so not having to run them round to activities and social life any more. Household stuff is shared pretty equally, we tend to work well as a team.

So this weekend:

Friday evening - popped to see friend in pub for a drink straight from work at 4, then went for an early meal out with friends. Back home by 9.30ish and an early night after a lovely evening.

Saturday- lay in til about 9, went together to do a small supermarket shop, got back had a light lunch. We then did some decorating (repainting Uni teen's walls with a fresh coat of emulsion - so nothing taxing and room is already prepped and ready to go, first coat already done) from about 12.30 til about 3.30. DH then met his sibling and niece for a dog walk, whilst I prepped dinner. Sibling and niece joined us for dinner, then left about 9. DH and I chatted for a bit over a glass of wine, and then headed up to bed by around 10-10.30.

Sunday - lay in til about 9. We both took dog out for a leisurely walk, followed by brunch out together. Back home by about 12.30. Then we put teens newly decorated room back to rights, cleared up all the decorating kit, hoovered, dusted all surfaces and cleaned the carpet in that room. I stopped about 4pm to cook a roast dinner. DH finished up and was done by 5.30. We sat down with teen for a family roast. Cleared up jointly after the roast - all done and dusted by about 7pm. The evening now our own for back to work stuff, chilling, listening to radio, reading etc. Both headed up to bed about 10.30ish.

Is this a particularly busy or taxing weekend?

To my mind it was really chilled and lovely. A good balance of social, family and couple time, some jobs done (and nice rewarding ones where you can see the difference!), but plenty of downtime.

I'm generally more assertive than DH and not one to sit around, so I just want to sense check that I'm not working DH into the ground or not listening to his needs! DH is very mild natured and easy going, so even a grumble from him is pretty unusual. If it is too much work, too busy, I want to hear that!

We're late 40s/early 50s, and generally fit and healthy. I'd say we have a pretty great relationship and enjoy each other's company.

I'd lose my mind if my weeks and weekend weren't organised in advance like this. We are all different. The busier the better for me.

Yes, I think “we are all different” is the takeaway here (and to be fair to the OP she has taken that on board and is aware of her husband’s needs). I find it in my own life - people are very split between being planners who have to account for every minute of the day and schedule in downtime to do nothing (and plans seem to just “happen” to them which I don’t understand!) and non-planners whose default state is nothing, and plans have to be actively made and sought out. I’m definitely in the latter camp. I’d feel claustrophobic if my life was planned so meticulously and fair in advance, but planny friends tell me they feel anxious if they don’t have things scheduled in. I do think the two camps have difficulty understanding each other sometimes! I’m also not sure it has anything to do with being an introvert or extrovert.

This has been such an interesting thread to read, so many different views of what makes a 'busy' weekend.
It clearly works for you but it does sound that you are the organiser in the relationship, I just cannot imagine a scenario in which I told my DH 'we' had planned a movie night, beach walk and Sunday lunch with friends. It sounds so prescriptive and 'structured'. Don't you ever get up in the morning and think 'it's a lovely day, I'd like to go for a beach walk on my own'.
Unless it particularly effects me (ie; I am invited as well or one of us needs a lift somewhere) my DH and I keep our plans separate at weekends ... we do have separate groups of friends so that's clearly a big factor, can imagine nothing less desirable n watching a film with my DH's friends and I am sure he thinks the same about my friends .... have planned this weekend but no idea what my DH is doing. At some stage we might idly discuss if one of us is cooking something special .. a roast or BBQ for example and coordinate times but other than that we do our own thing. We are very unlikely to do jobs around the house together, DH is in charge of the garden and DIY ... and does a very good job of it so I leave it to him .

(Obviously different if you still have DC at home).

The perfect 50/50 divide on the voting shows how different people define chilled. As long as people hear each other out and recognise we all have different needs, then all is good 😀

@Ragwort likewise I couldn't imagine a life where the weekends come around and me and my DH have nothing to do with each other. It shows how different everyone is, and different things work for different relationships.

Totally agree Crafty - it's clearly important to be 'on the same page' as your partner .. no doubt a lot of relationships are unhappy if one partner wants to do things together, and the other is completely happy on their own.

I take it that it’s you writing the list not him.

My weekend so far

Up
Argument with 9 year old
Football with 10 year old
Home
30 mins gardening
Sort kitchen
Lunch
Kids homework
Little snooze on sofa

Now debating a very boring task while everyone else is on screens, or play some Fortnite

I'm totally with OP - my eh-H and I would regularly use the weekends to decorate/work on the house. We always bought 'doer upppers'.

Unless you are a decorator, then working together on the house, to me and the ex, was as good a change as a rest.

We'd listen to the radio and chat and debate - lovely!

Saturday so far:

Fed pets
Sorted out yesterday's laundry
Ironing
Cleaned the car
Grouted the patio
Final grass cut of the season
Drained oil and fuel from mower
Tidied garage
Some work emails
Cooking tea shortly

Interesting what everyone considers a 'chilled' weekend - I like to structure my weekend to include as much cooking as possible, DP likes to avoid cooking wherever possible!

My Saturday so far:

Hang out washing and put another wash on
Go to opticians
Have breakfast in cafe with DH and DS
Walk up to local beauty spot
Hang out second load of washing
Weeded front garden
Now lazing in bed reading book and MN trying to summon energy for a shower
All remaining plans for today involve relaxing

Sounds like a not chilled weekend to me. But then my ideal one would be 1 trip to a nice shop for food and then laying on the sofa watching Netflix for 2 days straight.

I hate diy. It always puts me in a bad mood. Perhaps your husband is the same. Any weekend involving diy is a bad one for me. It feels like working on your weekend.

What does your husband constitute a chilled weekend?

Lazing around the house half-snoozing on the sofa half-watching television and eating take-away food?

That's alright for maybe one weekend in 4, or when it's raining heavily...but the rest of the time, I'd feel like life was passing me by.

Even just pottering about the house/garden/shed would drive me potty if I did it for both days of the weekend.

For those interested,,, I went to bed for three hours then played an hour of Fortnite.

Dinner now!

You are two different people, so you have different ideas on what is relaxing and what isn’t. He knows what he finds relaxing, a bunch of strangers online don’t know him.

He’s old enough to make his own decisions, if he wants to spend one weekend every so often doing absolutely nothing, that should be fine, everyone needs a break. He’s told you he wants a break, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks

Don't you get bored?

Not! Im in my absolute element. Everyone is different :)

It's not ridiculously busy but pretty much all time is accounted for until 7pm Sunday. I read it as you being an extrovert and him being an introvert i.e. you recharge when spending time with others and doing things, while he recharges during time spent on his own. Didn't realise I'd clicked on an old thread and that OP had already debunked the introvert theory. Whoops!

Sounds a lovely weekend to me! And, by our standards, that's a right lie in. We are up at 6.30 during the week with our weekend lie in til 7-ish, 7.30 if we're going for broke 😁 We usually go for brunch both days of the weekend to catch up with friends, and will do a food shop and other out of the home chores afterwards then it's home for lawns and housework. We usually have a couple of projects on the go around home, usually outdoors in the garden, and although we try not to, we both usually spend a bit of time catching up on work-work. Sometimes though, all we'll do is get the lawns and housework out of the way then totally veg and just lounge around, outdoors if weather is good, indoors if not, with a wine (or coffee, depending on time of day) and the puzzle pages from the weekend papers.