Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Be Annoyed with DH?

191 replies

Eyeofthelamp · 03/10/2023 07:09

I need to know whether I'm justified in my annoyance or not. Maybe it’s my hormones 🤷‍♀️

DH left for an overseas work trip early yesterday morning whilst I was still in bed, so obviously we didn't speak. His flight landed around lunchtime. I heard absolutely nothing from him until 7:20pm last night when I got a text to say 'arrived at hotel'. 13 hours with no contact, not even to check in with me.

For context, we run a business together and have two very young children. I also have an older child that had an important medical appointment yesterday. DH never bothered called to speak to me or our children or enquire about my older child or anything to do with our business. Would you be annoyed?

DH tried to call me around 8:30pm after I didn't reply to his text but I didn’t answer because I'm so annoyed with him. I feel like a complete afterthought.

So AIBU or would you be angry too?

OP posts:
Meadowdog · 03/10/2023 07:10

Of course you're an afterthought, he's on a work trip and focussing on that - which is perfectly normal and OK!

Sirzy · 03/10/2023 07:11

He was travelling. You ignored two attempts at contact as you were sulking?

CatherinedeBourgh · 03/10/2023 07:14

Do you do any business travel? Do you normally communicate continuously when you are doing it?

Does he do a lot? Does he normally communicate a lot?

I run a business with dh too, and if he's travelling I wouldn't normally expect him to communicate until the end of the day, unless something came up for work that he needed from me. He lost the whole morning to travel, so normally he would spend every spare moment (there aren't many when travelling for work, we tend to pack things in) catching up on work emails.

Lilibert456 · 03/10/2023 07:14

If my husband was leaving for an overseas trip I would say goodbye safe journey etc no matter what time of the day or night so maybe he thinks you might have done the same.

Lilibert456 · 03/10/2023 07:16

And deliberately not replying to his text is childish.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/10/2023 07:16

This reads like you've been dating three months not married

Mumof2teens79 · 03/10/2023 07:18

You got the text at 7.20...that doesn't mean that's when he sent it. It depends on his itinerary, phone signal and network connection, phone battery etc.

He also knew you would be busy.

I would be a bit miffed with no contact but I suspect he sent that earlier or was busy.

PerfectMatch · 03/10/2023 07:21

Personally I'd be fine with this, but if you're not then you should have a conversation about it and let him know you're feeling upset.

MooMooMoonshine · 03/10/2023 07:24

Were they travelling with others they work with? If so, I'd cut them some slack, as some trips are full on from the second you meet and start travelling.

HelpMeGetThrough · 03/10/2023 07:27

I do a lot of travel for work. Whilst I'm travelling, I don't send any texts, make calls or answer the phone, unless an emergency, I'm focused on travelling and getting to where I need to be.

Once I get to the hotel, I'll send a text to say "arrived and in my room" and then all I want to do is get some food, a drink and then go to bed.

Original poster
Eyeofthelamp · 03/10/2023 07:28

For context, once his flight landed DH had to wait around at the airport for 3 hours to get a lift. He had absolutely nothing to do so a quick phone call to check in wouldn’t have been hard. He had time to update his bloody Facebook!

OP posts:
GodDammitCecil · 03/10/2023 07:29

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

But that doesn’t mean you’re wrong to feel the way you do.

margotrose · 03/10/2023 07:30

Eyeofthelamp · 03/10/2023 07:28

For context, once his flight landed DH had to wait around at the airport for 3 hours to get a lift. He had absolutely nothing to do so a quick phone call to check in wouldn’t have been hard. He had time to update his bloody Facebook!

I don't think a text would have been unreasonable, but equally you could have messaged him once you saw he'd landed.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 03/10/2023 07:30

So you didn't even check he was OK travelling or he'd arrived safely? Harsh.
You need to get one if those phones that sends calls/messages out too!

Sirzy · 03/10/2023 07:31

Eyeofthelamp · 03/10/2023 07:28

For context, once his flight landed DH had to wait around at the airport for 3 hours to get a lift. He had absolutely nothing to do so a quick phone call to check in wouldn’t have been hard. He had time to update his bloody Facebook!

Does your phone not have the ability to send messages and make calls?

Kemper · 03/10/2023 07:31

You sound like a nightmare to be honest

GCSister · 03/10/2023 07:31

I work overseas a lot.
My DH will always wake up to say goodbye whatever time I'm leaving and I will always message to to say I've landed.

However, I know other couples who wouldn't do this so it depends on what your usual communication frequency/expectations are.

Also, as for no signal etc. I'm yet to arrive at an international airport that doesn't have Wi-Fi

Quitelikeit · 03/10/2023 07:32

Typical selfish man. Out of sight out of mind. Enjoying his solo travels far too much

NalafromtheLionKing · 03/10/2023 07:33

Meh, I couldn’t get worked up about this. Maybe call him if there is an important update next time.

WandaWonder · 03/10/2023 07:33

Please can everyone stop blaming hormones as a get out clause, I would be fine with this and would probably do the same to dh

I go into work mode when I have to and home mode other times

Dnendns · 03/10/2023 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Humidititties · 03/10/2023 07:34

I see the dickheads are out in force again. YANBU OP, a quick call or text would have been nice, especially to enquire about your child's appointment

GCSister · 03/10/2023 07:34

Eyeofthelamp · 03/10/2023 07:28

For context, once his flight landed DH had to wait around at the airport for 3 hours to get a lift. He had absolutely nothing to do so a quick phone call to check in wouldn’t have been hard. He had time to update his bloody Facebook!

That's pretty shit of him tbh. The first thing I do is check in at home.

Although, my DH also knows when my flight is due to land so would have messaged me to check everything was okay.

NalafromtheLionKing · 03/10/2023 07:35

Humidititties · 03/10/2023 07:34

I see the dickheads are out in force again. YANBU OP, a quick call or text would have been nice, especially to enquire about your child's appointment

So anyone who isn’t mortally offended / wouldn’t sit by the phone sulking is a “dickhead”?

lifeofsty · 03/10/2023 07:35

If you'd needed to speak to him could you have perhaps rang him?

My husband works overseas occasionally and if he started using me as his airport boredom buster I would conveniently leave my phone charging upstairs.

You sound so needy.

Swipe left for the next trending thread