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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Be Annoyed with DH?

191 replies

Eyeofthelamp · 03/10/2023 07:09

I need to know whether I'm justified in my annoyance or not. Maybe it’s my hormones 🤷‍♀️

DH left for an overseas work trip early yesterday morning whilst I was still in bed, so obviously we didn't speak. His flight landed around lunchtime. I heard absolutely nothing from him until 7:20pm last night when I got a text to say 'arrived at hotel'. 13 hours with no contact, not even to check in with me.

For context, we run a business together and have two very young children. I also have an older child that had an important medical appointment yesterday. DH never bothered called to speak to me or our children or enquire about my older child or anything to do with our business. Would you be annoyed?

DH tried to call me around 8:30pm after I didn't reply to his text but I didn’t answer because I'm so annoyed with him. I feel like a complete afterthought.

So AIBU or would you be angry too?

OP posts:
Kemper · 03/10/2023 07:35

Humidititties · 03/10/2023 07:34

I see the dickheads are out in force again. YANBU OP, a quick call or text would have been nice, especially to enquire about your child's appointment

eVeRyOnE I dIsSaGrEe wItH iS a DiCkHeAd

parietal · 03/10/2023 07:36

I travel overseas a lot. I'll always text just before take off and on landing but otherwise not much.

Sounds like you might be feeling ignored / unappreciated in general not specifically today. So talk to your DH more. Tell him what you are finding hard. Otherwise he won't know.

Aprilx · 03/10/2023 07:37

If my husband was leaving early for an overseas work trip, I’d have got up with him or I would at least be awake. We wouldn’t not speak because it was early and my sleep cannot be disturbed on one occasion.

I would generally have expected (as I it would be normal) to hear from my husband at some point. Although he wouldn’t have rang, he would probably have texted to say he landed. Equally, I would have been in touch with him, I don’t particularly feel it was down to him more than me and I wouldn’t have started sulking about it.

GCSister · 03/10/2023 07:37

It's not needy to expect your husband to check in/let you know he's landed when working overseas. Especially if he has time and is just hanging around at the airport and is updating his social media.

margotrose · 03/10/2023 07:39

Humidititties · 03/10/2023 07:34

I see the dickheads are out in force again. YANBU OP, a quick call or text would have been nice, especially to enquire about your child's appointment

People aren't "dickheads" because they don't expect immediate communication from a partner who is travelling abroad.

OP also has a phone that is capable of making calls or sending texts - maybe her husband feels that he's "out of sight, out of mind" for her too?

GCSister · 03/10/2023 07:39

However OP ..... I would have expected my partner to get up and say goodbye if I'm travelling overseas. No way I'd leave the house without a hug/kiss goodbye! 🤷🏼‍♀️

OnAir · 03/10/2023 07:41

Eyeofthelamp · 03/10/2023 07:28

For context, once his flight landed DH had to wait around at the airport for 3 hours to get a lift. He had absolutely nothing to do so a quick phone call to check in wouldn’t have been hard. He had time to update his bloody Facebook!

Does your phone not call out ? If you were that bothered why not call him ?

NalafromtheLionKing · 03/10/2023 07:41

margotrose · 03/10/2023 07:39

People aren't "dickheads" because they don't expect immediate communication from a partner who is travelling abroad.

OP also has a phone that is capable of making calls or sending texts - maybe her husband feels that he's "out of sight, out of mind" for her too?

Show quote history

I think it’s just that the dickheads have the kind of new fangled phones which allow two way communication, rather than walkie-talkies that only work one way, like that PP.

SallyWD · 03/10/2023 07:42

I wouldn't be annoyed. My DH travels a lot and often waits until he's settled at the hotel before he gets in touch. I understand - when you're travelling you're focused on getting from A to B, maybe with colleagues. Once you're in the hotel you feel like you're ready for a chat. I think you were quite rude to ignore him.

OurfriendsintheNE · 03/10/2023 07:46

Are you actually for real? You ignored him getting in contact because you had the hump that he hadn’t contacted you earlier? Are you 14?

Original poster
Eyeofthelamp · 03/10/2023 07:47

God I’m such hard work aren’t I 🙄
I love Mumsnet. It’s either LTB or you’re needy. Nothing in between!

I didn’t wish him ‘safe travels’ when he left because we have a baby that shares our room and that hasn’t slept at night for 3 months. I didn’t want to disturb her after being up for 2.5 hours during the night with her.

I did send DH a message about work whilst he was still in the UK airport and he didn’t reply.

I’m not about to call him for essentially nothing whilst he’s away, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice for him to make two
mins for me whilst I’m at home running a business and looking after 4 children, thus allowing him to go away in the first place.

OP posts:
margotrose · 03/10/2023 07:53

But he did text you and call you and ignored both 🙄

mydogisthebest · 03/10/2023 07:54

I would be annoyed too. Why could he not call when he had 3 hours to kill at the airport?

My DH often used to travel for work and would always text and phone me to let me know he was ok and to check I was ok. That's what loving partners do

GodDammitCecil · 03/10/2023 07:57

Just reiterating that I don’t think you’re wrong to feel the way you do. Your feelings are your feelings.

But WHY do people come on here to ask to ask complete strangers what they think about their shitty relationship situation??

I don’t get it. What do you hope to achieve from this OP? You must surely realise some people - maybe even most! - will disagree with you.

Does that make you feel any better? No, it doesn’t - does it?

Why oh why do people offer up their relationship fall-outs for public dissection.

I will never get it.

Wakeywake · 03/10/2023 08:00

I travel quite a bit for work and treat it like normal working days, just with a longer commute. I wouldn't call DH to tell him I got to the home office ok, so I don't call him to tell him I got to the away office OK. I might text out of boredom and to have a moan if the flight is delayed. Otherwise, I talk to him when I'm at the hotel after work.

Dreemhouse · 03/10/2023 08:02

I think I’d be annoyed. My DH goes away a lot and if he’s flying he will send a message when he’s on the plane to say turning phone off now, love you and then when he lands a message saying landed, love you. So nothing much but I understand it’s the fact he didn’t think of you to do something that takes 20 seconds

margotrose · 03/10/2023 08:03

mydogisthebest · 03/10/2023 07:54

I would be annoyed too. Why could he not call when he had 3 hours to kill at the airport?

My DH often used to travel for work and would always text and phone me to let me know he was ok and to check I was ok. That's what loving partners do

Surely that also works in reverse, though?

He left for a work trip abroad and his wife didn't even say goodbye or check he was at the airport safely.

She also didn't check in with him all day and when he did get in touch, she ignored him anyway as she was in a huff.

If it's okay for her not to get in touch all day, surely it's okay for him to do the same?

Mayorq · 03/10/2023 08:03

Absolutely childish from the op, you love to see it

PinkNailpolish · 03/10/2023 08:05

Eyeofthelamp · 03/10/2023 07:28

For context, once his flight landed DH had to wait around at the airport for 3 hours to get a lift. He had absolutely nothing to do so a quick phone call to check in wouldn’t have been hard. He had time to update his bloody Facebook!

It doesn't take long to send a text. If he had time to update his social media then he has time to text you. Even just one text to say he had landed. I could understand him not texting or ringing you if he was constantly on the go and didn't get round to checking his phone until much later on, but this wasn't the case.

HakunaMatiłda · 03/10/2023 08:06

Loving the drip feeds to make the OP seem more reasonable…..

“oh he posted on Facebook too”
”I did text him and he ignored me”

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/10/2023 08:07

WandaWonder · 03/10/2023 07:33

Please can everyone stop blaming hormones as a get out clause, I would be fine with this and would probably do the same to dh

I go into work mode when I have to and home mode other times

Where have people blamed hormones?

You say he had time to post on FB so maybe he figured that was what you would see and know he had landed.

I visited my sister a while back and due to the fact she had booked us into a boozy lunch straight off the train I messaged dh about 4 hours after I arrived. No news is good news, and sometimes we are busy.

GodDammitCecil · 03/10/2023 08:07

And now we have a few people validating the OP, saying she’s right to be pissed off.

Does that make you feel any better? Knowing other people have husbands who’d have messaged them while you don’t?

Justifiedcheese · 03/10/2023 08:11

Bloody hell. In the good old days before the Internet DH went to Siberia ( yes, really) for 3 months and we had one crackly ten minute phone call a week. I had two under 5s, one with autism.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 03/10/2023 08:12

A text to ask about medical app would have been nice but if id taken a dc to an important app i would have text with an update straight after. I'd also have text to ask if they arrived safely if i had been worried at all. It's not something i would be upset about personally but if it has upset you you could just ask for more communication next time.

GodDammitCecil · 03/10/2023 08:16

I’m honestly not trying to be unkind. But there is literally nothing to be gained from bringing your situation on here.

People either make you feel deficient, because it wouldn’t bother them.

Or they make you feel deficient, because their husband/partner would do what yours doesn’t.

Neither is a good outcome.

Take it off MN and talk to him. 💐