AIBU To Be Annoyed with DH?

[Eyeofthelamp]

I need to know whether I'm justified in my annoyance or not. Maybe it’s my hormones 🤷‍♀️

DH left for an overseas work trip early yesterday morning whilst I was still in bed, so obviously we didn't speak. His flight landed around lunchtime. I heard absolutely nothing from him until 7:20pm last night when I got a text to say 'arrived at hotel'. 13 hours with no contact, not even to check in with me.

For context, we run a business together and have two very young children. I also have an older child that had an important medical appointment yesterday. DH never bothered called to speak to me or our children or enquire about my older child or anything to do with our business. Would you be annoyed?

DH tried to call me around 8:30pm after I didn't reply to his text but I didn’t answer because I'm so annoyed with him. I feel like a complete afterthought.

So AIBU or would you be angry too?

Nothing like a good dose of bitter....

Am I a typical woman then, as I don't text my husband every 5 seconds ?

Get.A.Grip!

My husband goes overseas for work and I don't hear from him for the full 2 weeks 🤣. Sometimes hes away for 3 months and I get a couple of emails cause its in the middle of a jungle.
Does your husband always have to check in with you this much. Jeez. I could go away on a shopping trip for 13 hours and not check in with my husband

I don't think you're unreasonable OP, esp if he has time to check Facebook.

Being as he rang you not long after...I'd let it go. And there is a possibility like a couple of PPs have said that maybe he was half expecting you to check that he'd arrived safe.

It's highly thoughtless not to text after a flight considering the state of the world. That's just how things are. Those attacking you, would rip their partners a new one if it happened to them. If you travel = you check in with "landed safely, going to hotel, love." Anything less is being passive aggressive and hostile. Nothing wrong with your hormones. You worry because you love the idiot. Good for you.

Get a grip
ages ago mine went to Spain with his mate for a week leaving me with 3 young kids
didnt hear a thing from him till he walked back in the door
was I annoyed/worried - nope I just carried on as normal

You never even bothered to say bye to him . Don’t think yous are appreciative of each other anymore
how sad

It wouldn't bother me, but then my DP and I aren't necessarily in touch with each other all that often. We can both be a bit 'speak only if it improves upon the silence' and we both quite enjoy silence, so I might not be much of a measure. Clearly it bothered you OP.

I’m not about to call him for essentially nothing whilst he’s away, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice for him to make two mins for me whilst I’m at home running a business and looking after 4 children, thus allowing him to go away in the first place.

This is interesting and also contradictory. Clearly you do have something to say to him, so you wouldn't be calling him over nothing. And you also sound very annoyed with him in general. So I don't think this is really about him calling or not whilst he's away. It's about the way he doesn't seem to value you. He's happy to update Facebook, but not to give you two minutes. Rather than sulking with him, which is a bad way of communicating for many reasons, wait until he's home and talk to him about how undervalued you're feeling. Just tell him you're tired and run ragged and that you want to get away for a bit too, but feel like you can't.

Why?! Flying is ridiculously safe. People text each other because it’s a high anxiety form of travel, in a way that is totally disproportionate to actual risk. I don’t text my husband every time my plane lands as he’s not anxious that it won’t and nor am I.

I think when you are the one left at home, your perception of the experience of travelling is totally different because you are in your same routine. When DH goes away for work, I feel resentful if he doesn’t contact me. But when I am the one travelling, I can go for hours without checking in because my perception is just so different. And when you are the one travelling, it would feel weird to give someone a running comments on my movements! Sometimes I travel between time zones, and I’m not even aware of how many hours have gone by! I guess it’s thoughtless, but normal to me.

If a plane came down, it would be headline news all over the world within seconds. There's absolutely no need for anyone to text for "reassurance".

OP YANBU, DH travels a lot and is away for substantial chunks of time and if he didn't make the effort to stay in touch a lot, make sure I know he's safe and make me feel at the forefront of his mind I think it would put a real strain on our relationship.

DH knows I tend to worry when he travels, so he lets me know how things are going, as he's able. It's not unreasonable to want that basic level of consideration, when possible. Some couples are fine to not exchange a word for days. For others, going a few hours without checking in would be completely out of character and cause for concern. Every couple is different.

OP, if he knows you appreciate occasional contact throughout the day, he should have made the effort. I'd also be irritated that he didn't ask about DC's medical appointment. You'd hope he'd remember and care enough to inquire.

I like it when DH contacts me when he’s traveling with little updates and anecdotes about what’s going on, things he’s seen, reminders, etc. In the situation you describe, OP, he would most likely have texted at the airport before his flight took off, again while waiting around, bored, at the other end, and again in the eventing. Maybe other points too if he saw something he thought I’d appreciate. I would also have texted him with observations or updates on the kids, and, of course, with anything that actually needed his input.

But sometimes he doesn’t and I don’t. He gets engrossed in something else or he’s stressed and zoning out. I get caught up in the day to day and sort of forget that he’s off traveling until such time as his lack of presence clues me back in.

I would probably be a bit sad/disappointed if he didn’t text at all, it brightens my day when he does. But not angry. It’s not as though he’s dropping me in it by not texting.

My DH works away a lot.
He generally leaves very early and I don’t wake up before he goes, I have a full time job and 3 kids. We usually say goodbye the night before.
DH always lets me know he’s arrived safely, we usually speak in the evening when he’s finished work and he’ll occasionally txt me during the day to say hello.
I’d be annoyed if one of our DC had a medical appointment and he didn’t message to ask how it went.

Why didn't you text him and ask if he landed ok?

OMG there are some insufferably nasty posters on this thread!!!

@Eyeofthelamp I'm sorry that you have unintentionally rattled so many cages. I bet you wish you had never posted!! I never start a thread for that very reason! Shame on you horrible lot for picking on a woman who has recently given birth. There's a way of saying these things without going for the jugular, you know!!

You're already sleep-deprived, a new mum, and holding the fort with 4 children. I don't think it's too much to expect your husband to check in on you.

I am guessing that normally you do keep quite closely in touch when you are away, and that's your modus operandi with your DH. I think he should have made more effort, and you need to tell him so.

Pay no heed to the posters whose partners disappear to outer Mongolia for years without keeping in touch!!

@Mikieman The OP has a baby not sleeping, a child who had a medical appointment, a business to run, is feeling a bit down and that is what you post?
Shame on you! Some of the meanness on here is unreal.

So many unnecessarily nasty comments. Agree with @Playingintheshadow Is there really the need for this pile-on.

What a bastard. Time to change the locks, turf all his stuff in to the street. You deserve so much better than this waste of space.

Perhaps he figured you'd be pretty busy with 3 kids, an appointment and running your shared business. 7.20pm once the small ones are in bed seems a reasonable time to call you, and be able yo have an uninterrupted conversation.

My husband travels two weeks out of the month and messages me when getting on each flight, when he lands and whilst he's waiting in the airports.

Your husband could absolutely have sent you a text asking about the appointment and asking how you are.

I would have messaged him back saying I was unhappy though, if I were in your shoes.

It was an overseas work trip ... How long was the flight? It sounds like he contacted you as soon as he arrived at his hotel 🤷 It's not like he can call you from the plane midair 🤦