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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids Football sideline spat

230 replies

Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 19:27

OK- this is my first post so please be gentle.

My 8 year old DS is passionate about football. It's not just a hobby It's a passion. I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.

I would also like to add that academically my DS doesn't excel, he sits and watches all the other kids at school get certificates for maths, spellings, star of the week which he accepts no problem because his goal is to get player of the match on a Sunday.

This weekend I had a little spat on the sideline with another parent because I was encouraging my DS and he thought I was acting more like a coach rather than a parent? I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc.. all which my son loves and appreciates. He said I was bang out of order and should let the coaches do the talking. He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute) but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

AIBU to think who the f**k do you think you are?

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 01/10/2023 19:31

Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

No, not at all. But you do sound a bit annoying to be stood next to. Can't he play without you yelling instructions?

this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

Honestly? Parents like you would put me off being part of that team.

BakedTattie · 01/10/2023 19:31

I agree with the person who pulled you up. Parents that do that at KIDS games are the worst.

BakedTattie · 01/10/2023 19:32

Oh and I’d also have told you to stfu

DivingForLove · 01/10/2023 19:32

You are every coach’s worst nightmare. You need to stay quiet and stop coaching - or become a coach. Parents like you are the reason my kids don’t play football.

Antst · 01/10/2023 19:35

OK, so you got into drama at a game and now you're on AIBU telling people you don't want criticism??

You're not supporting your son by making a spectacle of yourself, creating a distraction for the players, and irritating the other parents. You were basically told to shut up because the kids didn't need you to be confusing them and no one else wanted to hear your voice. Instead of doing as you were asked, you created more problems. This must be embarrassing for your son and you should be embarrassed about your behaviour.

If you want him to keep playing, if you want the coaches and him to allow you to continue coming to games, you need to sit down and shut it. Honestly, you sound like a nightmare and you'd probably be banned from attending games where I live.

If you attend another game, you should apologize to the other parent.

Fairospop22 · 01/10/2023 19:35

No not necessarily. It’s good that you are showing an interest and encouraging him. Although some of your comments don’t sound constructive if that’s what you were aiming for, maybe say things like, good shot, well stopped etc.

Or if you want to show him how impressed leave your comments for afterwards?

AreYouShittingMe · 01/10/2023 19:36

There's a big difference between shouting supportive comments and telling your child what to do (e.g. getting into space). The former is fine (although ideally shout support to the entire team) but the coaching needs to be left to the coaches. Parents coaching from the sidelines is at best unhelpful for the players and team as a whole but at worst it can damage the child's confidence/ ability to develop as a player (Gary Linekar wrote something in this recently).

Redlarge · 01/10/2023 19:36

Leave it to the coaches he's only 8. Still encourage him and be there but yes be less full on. Or have the conversation with him after if you want to guide him, no harm in that at all and he will still see you are interested

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 19:36

He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute)
They are 8. Chill, they should be playing for fun.

but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?
No one complained about your son wanting to win, they complained about YOU! I can't stand these parents who live through their children and make a scene on the side of the pitch. YOU are not playing, but out and, frankly.. shut up.
I am sorry to say, but your son is not Ronaldo.

Parents like you are the reasons why people take their kids away, and volunteer coaches give up.

I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.
EVERY Parent, every mum and dad standing on the side of the pitch, usually in the freezing cold or pourring rain, having travelled for miles to the match.. EVERY one support their player. It's still just a fun hobby for a bunch of 8 year old.

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.
but YOU are not part of the team. HE is. You are not a coach, you have nothing to do with anything. You being a chauffeur, and supporting quietly and privately, that's your only job.

Allboundformoomooland · 01/10/2023 19:37

It's lovely that you are so supportive but the other parent is correct, in that parents shouldn't be coaching from the sidelines. If you aren't clear on that then I'm sure you could ask a coach for advice. It's confusing for children and adds unnecessary pressure. Now you know it's something easy to correct.

spidermonkeys · 01/10/2023 19:38

Parents like you on the sidelines are an absolute nightmare for coaches and other parents.

TeenDivided · 01/10/2023 19:39

Some leagues have a 'silent sidelines' rule which I think sounds good.

Baaaahhh · 01/10/2023 19:42

I took my dd out of a team where this was happening. I didn't want her Sunday mornings to be listening to grown men shout at children. That's not why she does sport.

thebellagio · 01/10/2023 19:43

Our FA has guidance that parents are not allowEd to behave in the way you did, and for good reason.

if you want to coach, then volunteer to be a coach, don’t undermine those that are putting in the time and effort.

RudsyFarmer · 01/10/2023 19:43

Is the other parent a parent of one of his team mates or the opposing team?

LunchBoxPolice · 01/10/2023 19:43

The coach on my son’s football team would have told you to shut up himself, it’s a pain when parents are shouting out instructions and the kids get confused.

bellamountain · 01/10/2023 19:45

I find football teams in more traditional working class areas, the parents are allowed to shout and coach. There's a lot more competitiveness (good and bad). The (new) middle class game is very different. Parents are told where to stand and, in no uncertain terms, are to make absolutely no comments, unless it's to clap and cheer. It's definitely my perspective and I truly believe it's the coaches job to coach. There's nothing worse than angry / annoying parents who know nothing, adding zero value to the game and confusing the kids. However, it's very very frustrating as a parent to watch a game where the coach is offering nothing.

minidancer · 01/10/2023 19:46

This is exactly why I think silent sidelines should be a permanent thing. What if every parent started shouting advice to their kids?!
It confuses other players and annoys the hell out of every other parent. Plenty of the other kids will be passionate about their game and want to hear their coach so they can improve.
I could rant about this forever, it is so annoying. Just shut the fuck up and let 8 year olds play and have fun!!

TeenDivided · 01/10/2023 19:46

Or a better link:

TeenDivided · 01/10/2023 19:46

Try again http://www.silentsideline.org/

BlueIgIoo · 01/10/2023 19:46

I overheard a really frustrating conversation between two dads recently about the unfair result of an U8s match. Part way through, one dad started referring to his son's team as 'we', as in 'we were 1 nil down' in much the same way you'd refer to a Premier league side you supported. Having seen how some parents behave at school football matches I really wanted to tell him to catch himself on and remind him that his son is SEVEN. There really seems to be something about football that brings out an unpleasant side in many people. I've never seen primary school children dive in any other sport, for example.

tigger1001 · 01/10/2023 19:47

At that age it absolutely is about having fun.

The parents yelling at the sidelines are undermining the coaches. Just why would you do that?

As you have discovered some parents will speak up about that sort of behaviour. You can absolutely be encouraging without shouting instructions. The players do learn to tune out the parents as sometimes the instructions being yelled at them are contradictory.

By all means shout encouragement to the team (great shot, good save etc) but if you don't want to be known as "that parent" and maybe even get a talking to from the coaches, causing embarrassment to your child, learn to stop the instructions.

Levelcompleted · 01/10/2023 19:49

Sorry but the parents like this at kids football matches ARE unbearable.

Imagine if every parent did this?

Thewizardbinbag · 01/10/2023 19:51

Just learn to shut up other than a cheer when they score or do something awesome or a “never mind, next time” when something goes badly.