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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids Football sideline spat

230 replies

Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 19:27

OK- this is my first post so please be gentle.

My 8 year old DS is passionate about football. It's not just a hobby It's a passion. I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.

I would also like to add that academically my DS doesn't excel, he sits and watches all the other kids at school get certificates for maths, spellings, star of the week which he accepts no problem because his goal is to get player of the match on a Sunday.

This weekend I had a little spat on the sideline with another parent because I was encouraging my DS and he thought I was acting more like a coach rather than a parent? I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc.. all which my son loves and appreciates. He said I was bang out of order and should let the coaches do the talking. He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute) but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

AIBU to think who the f**k do you think you are?

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

OP posts:
Raspberryfruitella · 01/10/2023 20:20

Awful behaviour. I was beside a parent yesterday who was doing this, every time the ball went near his child he started shouting/directing and it only distracted the poor child. It's so off-putting to everyone there and seriously, what's the point of it? If you feel like you have such a valuable contribution to make then coach.

fozzybear23 · 01/10/2023 20:21

3WildOnes · 01/10/2023 20:08

@fozzybear23 I've been on the sidelines every weekend for years now. Possibly it is area dependent as another poster suggested. After we trialled silent sidelines our league really supported it so parents are very rarely heard shouting anymore.

I guess it could be area dependent. It certainly wasn't well received here (not just at our club but in the entire area).

Football isn't meant to be silent. Look at the crowds at professional matches - it's all about chanting and shouting, it creates atmosphere. Obviously kids football is different but regardless, I couldn't think of anything worse than having to stay totally silent at my ds matches and having everyone around me silent too. How dull.

Redlarge · 01/10/2023 20:21

hobbitonthehill · 01/10/2023 20:09

Rugby is a game for barbarians played by gentlemen. Football is a game for gentlemen played by barbarians;

Yeah alright

EvilElsa · 01/10/2023 20:21

That's not encouragement though OP, it's coaching from the sidelines which is extremely irritating.
Despite being a very experienced horse rider showing at high level, I paid someone else to teach my DD and I kept my mouth shut while the lessons were taking place. She learns better with a teacher who isn't her mum. I can't imagine being so rude as to shout out instructions while someone else is teaching. That's hugely different to saying well done or good work.

Therealjudgejudy · 01/10/2023 20:21

You sound like a nightmare.

Im surprised the actual coach didnt ask you to stop

DinnaeFashYersel · 01/10/2023 20:24

I think you were both in the wrong. But mostly you.

Parents like you are pretty annoying I'm afraid. You are probably annoying all the other parents.

Other parent should have complained about you to the coaches and let them deal with you rather than causing this spat.

Scarydinosaurs · 01/10/2023 20:25

Some good advice I heard was to only clap, smile etc and then at the end of the match tell your son/daughter something you noticed they did really well.

this will mean more than trying to sideline coach.

tigger1001 · 01/10/2023 20:27

fozzybear23 · 01/10/2023 20:05

The comments here are so over the top. My ds has been playing football for years and it's very common for parents to shout encouragement and advice. Not constantly mind, but it's very, very normal. Those acting like you behaved badly clearly don't go to kids football or they go to very strict boring clubs.

Clubs local to us have trialled so called 'silent weekends' where nobody is allowed to say anything and everyone agreed how weird and unnatural it is. No atmosphere whatsoever. It's human nature to support your dc so I dont think you did anything wrong unless it was literally throughout the whole game which I suppose would have been annoying.

I've been going to youth football matches for over 10 years. Nothing boring about wanting the coaches (you know the ones who actually coach the kids) to actually coach and not the parents who just shout contradictory instructions.

The kids also need to learn problem solving on their own as well as being able to hear their teammates.

Sadly we didn't have silent touch lines and have seen first hand how a parent yelling "instructions" damaged that child's self esteem- sadly not a rare occurrence.

Encouraging a child and the team - great! Yelling instruction- leave to the coaches, that's what they are there for. And most coaches don't like parents yelling instructions which very well might go against the coaches own.

SellFridges · 01/10/2023 20:27

Having parents encourage the whole team on the sidelines is fantastic. Having one parent coach their kid is incredibly annoying for the other parents, frustrating for the coaches, and confusing for the kids.

Keep up your praise and encouragement (for all the kids) but if you want to coach, I am certain they’ll be looking for volunteers.

This comes from a parent who has watched for six seasons, and been the wife of a coach for the last three.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 01/10/2023 20:27

You’re there as a spectator, not the coach. Cheer him on, but you do need to put a lid on the coaching.

Mummytotwonow · 01/10/2023 20:28

Don’t be that parent…. Your son will miss out if you continue like this

MetalFences · 01/10/2023 20:30

If this method is working for your son why not pop into his classroom and start encouraging him through the medium of shouting at him

'Remember your number bonds'

Or

'Use paragraphs'

There is no need to restrict this method to just football.

Hankunamatata · 01/10/2023 20:32

For love of goodness. He is 8. This is exactly the culture they are trying to stamp out. Yes cheer and shout well done. You don't need to be shouting specific instructions - that's the coaches job.
By all means afterward over lunch have a rehash and tell him your favourite parts.

He will also start bei g made fun of by other kids as he gets older

historygeek · 01/10/2023 20:32

Our county FA allows parental encouragement, not instruction.

So "great pass xx, well done" not "yy is free, pass to them".

My DS7 sounds much the same as yours and plays several times a week. He says he just hears a wall of noise when parents are shouting too much, and he can't hear what his coach is saying

JohnNolan · 01/10/2023 20:34

I've been a football mum for longer than I care to remember (& I really don't like football). I've got 3DC, all of who play and 1 of which played a very high level on the England pathway.

Whilst DC2 was on the pathway, as parents we were told very clearly that we were not allowed to do or say anything on the sideline other than 'well done' or to clap when a goal was scored. It was firmly policed.

It was amazing. No more parents coaching from the side confusing their kid or the others, no more never ending commentary about what's going on, no more constant shouting. The kids much preferred it as they could concentrate (& hear) what their coach and teammates were saying and doing what they were trained to do.

DC3 is now playing & DH is coaching again. He's already had words with several parents who 'encourage' from the side line. It's over the top and extremely irriating to the coaches, parents & players.

Please stop doing this. Its unnecessary and although I understand why you do it, I agree with the other parent. I just wish it was mandatory for all grassroots clubs to ban anything other than clapping or well done like the talent centres do - everyone would be better off.

JustMarriedBecca · 01/10/2023 20:35

Gary Linekar did a podcast on this recently. He said that parents who shout comments know absolutely nothing and ruin the game. His advice was "just let them play"

I'd have been annoyed with you too.

dayofcheese · 01/10/2023 20:35

fozzybear23 · 01/10/2023 20:21

I guess it could be area dependent. It certainly wasn't well received here (not just at our club but in the entire area).

Football isn't meant to be silent. Look at the crowds at professional matches - it's all about chanting and shouting, it creates atmosphere. Obviously kids football is different but regardless, I couldn't think of anything worse than having to stay totally silent at my ds matches and having everyone around me silent too. How dull.

Show quote history

It's not meant as entertainment for you

thebellagio · 01/10/2023 20:35

We had a game a few weeks ago where one parent for the opposition was shouting instructions to the whole team the entire game - it was only the next day that it turned out this parent wasn’t their coach. He was just being obnoxious. Even our coaches were like WTF was wrong with that man! Even they thought he was part of the coaching set up for the other side

Mylittlepea · 01/10/2023 20:36

I’m sure your intentions are good, but it’s not helpful and very irritating. I move away from people that act like you at my sons games. He will never develop skills and learn to use his own initiative. You are not the coach.

cheer and shout well done, but nothing more.

sprigatito · 01/10/2023 20:39

You say it has made you not want to be part of the team...but you aren't part of the team, your son is. I think it's lovely that you share and support his passion, but if you are backseat driving to the point of upsetting other parents then you probably do need to tone it down. It's great that your son is ambitious for himself, but part of being a good player is being a respectful team member and considering others...you need to be modelling this as well as encouraging him to play well.

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 20:39

MetalFences · 01/10/2023 20:30

If this method is working for your son why not pop into his classroom and start encouraging him through the medium of shouting at him

'Remember your number bonds'

Or

'Use paragraphs'

There is no need to restrict this method to just football.

😂😂😂

great point!

Womencanlift · 01/10/2023 20:39

That Gary Linekar clip was spot on. OP you should take note

One of the comments in the link with clip said their coach gave the parents a lollipop to suck on during games to shut them up. Genius 😂

sprigatito · 01/10/2023 20:41

Oh, and for the avoidance of doubt, I have a 19yo who has played from the age of 5 upwards and have certainly done my time as a supportive spectator.

cansu · 01/10/2023 20:44

Surely you can talk tactics and how he played after the game. I think shouting this stuff from the sides is annoying and not a good thing.

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 20:44

fozzybear23 · 01/10/2023 20:21

I guess it could be area dependent. It certainly wasn't well received here (not just at our club but in the entire area).

Football isn't meant to be silent. Look at the crowds at professional matches - it's all about chanting and shouting, it creates atmosphere. Obviously kids football is different but regardless, I couldn't think of anything worse than having to stay totally silent at my ds matches and having everyone around me silent too. How dull.

Show quote history

a bit of cheering for the team is one thing, the running commentary of one of these obnoxious parents another entirely.

You also spectacularly miss the point which is the immense difference between a team of professional adult football players, paid (very well) to win a watch and a bunch of 8 year old having fun with their mates, with different abilities.

The OP said herself she wasn't encouraging a player, she was encouraging to WIN. That's the problem, and that's the shitty attitude from these parents, over-involved, competitive from the sideline. If you are so strung on winning, join a team yourself, don't live your dreams through your kids, he's not that great anyway.