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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids Football sideline spat

230 replies

Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 19:27

OK- this is my first post so please be gentle.

My 8 year old DS is passionate about football. It's not just a hobby It's a passion. I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.

I would also like to add that academically my DS doesn't excel, he sits and watches all the other kids at school get certificates for maths, spellings, star of the week which he accepts no problem because his goal is to get player of the match on a Sunday.

This weekend I had a little spat on the sideline with another parent because I was encouraging my DS and he thought I was acting more like a coach rather than a parent? I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc.. all which my son loves and appreciates. He said I was bang out of order and should let the coaches do the talking. He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute) but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

AIBU to think who the f**k do you think you are?

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

OP posts:
saraclara · 01/10/2023 20:46

At that age, my daughter was in the same team as the son of the coach of the next major town's league football club.

The guy was really nice. We were often standing near each other on the touchline, and he was the calmest parent there. Apart from the occasional encouraging word to his son or my DD, he didn't say anything much. He certainly NEVER issued an instruction. I remember being really impressed by that. Obviously he was vastly experienced, but it was his son's team not his, and he kept his nose out of another coach's responsibility.

FusionChefGeoff · 01/10/2023 20:48

You don't have to be silent just make sure you're encouraging the whole team with general comments not specific instructions advice eg

Well played
Great shot
Unlucky
Great run
Lovely pass
Keep going kids

Etc etc

WhateverMate · 01/10/2023 20:52

This weekend I had a little spat on the sideline with another parent because I was encouraging my DS and he thought I was acting more like a coach rather than a parent? I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc

My sons used to play rugby and the coach actually had to send letters to parents asking them not to do this, as it was putting the other players off and confusing them.

Imagine playing a game and hearing 47 different instructions being shouted out by various parents, how on earth are they going to hear the coach, which is the only person they should be listening to?

Valhalla17 · 01/10/2023 20:54

I do the same as you OP. I encourage and coach a bit....the majority of parents at our club and on the opposing teams in our league do it too. Other parents will even coach my child! The kids are fine, it's not aggressive or anything...

A silent sideline would be awful and lacking any atmosphere...no thanks! Kids need some competitiveness and desire to play as a team and win.

Original poster
Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 20:55

Just to clarify, I was encouraging my son, it doesn't bother me whether his team wins or loses, it really doesn't. It's my son who wants to win.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 20:58

That's exactly the kind of things I do say which my son loves ❤️

OP posts:
ShagratandGorbag4ever · 01/10/2023 21:01

Seriously, what the hell does it matter which side wins? These kids are under ten, they are not trying out for the Olympics.

gotomomo · 01/10/2023 21:03

My dd played until 28, other parents coaching from the sideline was both the coach's and everyone else's nightmare. Clapping and well dones are fine, beyond that leave the coaching to their coach, take the hint that your behaviour is annoying to others

CrappyBarbara · 01/10/2023 21:05

You don’t have to “stay silent”, OP. As you said lots of parents cheer for their children and shout encouragement. Of course you are going to make it sound like your behavior is appropriate and we aren’t there to know one way or the other. But just from your post you sound incredibly over-invested in your 8-year-old’s football progress, and if another parent felt the need to specifically call you out that suggests that you are doing something out of the ordinary.

gotomomo · 01/10/2023 21:06

18 not 28!

Ewock · 01/10/2023 21:07

My ds has just started at a footie club, the first game the coach had to send a message out after due to the numbers of parents shouting comments to their kids. It really threw a lot of them of their game as so many instructions being shouted and also meant they couldn't hear the coach.
You are not the coach or part of the team staff, stick to cheering and clapping. No need for you to instruct at all.
You say it makes you not want to be part of that team, so go and start your own team or behave.

BridasShieldWall · 01/10/2023 21:22

Re Gary Linekar clip, can you imagine being the parents on the touch line shouting instructions whilst Gary is stood next to you.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 01/10/2023 21:22

You sound a right PITA.
Shut up and let the coaches do their job!!

Iheartpizza · 01/10/2023 21:25

Urgh my Dad used to make comments from the sidelines at a sport I excelled in. I remember being really embarrassed and also annoyed as quite frankly he wasn't qualified or experienced and didn't know what the fuck he was talking about.

As much as your son appreciates it, I would really dial it back. Talk to him before and after the game about how he can improve etc.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/10/2023 21:26

I think the shouting instructions does sound a bit much tbh.

But it would have been better if one of the coaches had had a quiet word with you rather than another parent doing it.

Livinghappy · 01/10/2023 21:26

I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc

That's isn't supporting the whole team.

BettyBoomer · 01/10/2023 21:27

saraclara · 01/10/2023 20:46

At that age, my daughter was in the same team as the son of the coach of the next major town's league football club.

The guy was really nice. We were often standing near each other on the touchline, and he was the calmest parent there. Apart from the occasional encouraging word to his son or my DD, he didn't say anything much. He certainly NEVER issued an instruction. I remember being really impressed by that. Obviously he was vastly experienced, but it was his son's team not his, and he kept his nose out of another coach's responsibility.

This is probably because he’s a coach and he knows full well that the kids should be listening to the coach not eager parents.

OP, YABU. You should not be shouting instructions like “get into space”. You want to coach? Then give up your spare time and coach. Otherwise, you shouldn’t be saying anything other than “well done”, “unlucky” etc

you shouting instructions is confusing for the children as they should only be listening to the coach so you’re not only confusing the kids/your kid, but also undermining the coaches.

it is a huge shame your kid is enjoying it, but you’re considering leaving because you were quite rightly told off

Mumof2teens79 · 01/10/2023 21:28

It's not healthy to have just one over-riding "passion" at such a young age, or for your and your Don to bond over just one thing....and fir it to be centered on his "success" either winning the match or a certificate.
Try and bond over more diverse activities and praise him for trying his best, trying new things, good sportsmanship and kindness

Jifmicroliquid · 01/10/2023 21:30

Don’t be ‘that parent’ that everyone talks about because they can’t shut up at the side of the pitch and act like it’s the World Cup, not a childrens Sunday football game.

happsy · 01/10/2023 21:33

Op at our sons football club, this is one of the very first things they asked parents NOT to do. Encourage your son during water breaks and before and after. Please stop, nobody says anything but they all talk about it.

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 22:16

Valhalla17 · 01/10/2023 20:54

I do the same as you OP. I encourage and coach a bit....the majority of parents at our club and on the opposing teams in our league do it too. Other parents will even coach my child! The kids are fine, it's not aggressive or anything...

A silent sideline would be awful and lacking any atmosphere...no thanks! Kids need some competitiveness and desire to play as a team and win.

oh dear

You COACH a bit? Can I ask why you don't volunteer and coach the team then?

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 22:21

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 01/10/2023 21:01

Seriously, what the hell does it matter which side wins? These kids are under ten, they are not trying out for the Olympics.

It's to plaster social media with photos of the ASTONISHING future Messi and boast about a kid doing what the parents never managed to achieve.

Same parents whose kids changing team the way all do, is painted as having been "signed" for being the start of the century.😂

toomanyleggings · 01/10/2023 22:29

This is not the done thing at kids football matches. Sorry to tell you op. I was a bit clueless as well when dd started. Luckily my dh knew the form but no you don’t shout instructions from the sidelines

RudsyFarmer · 01/10/2023 22:31

Happens all the time with my kids team. There’s a couple of parents that are constantly coaching their kids.

DivingForLove · 01/10/2023 22:34

@Lionessmummy please make sure your child can win and lose with equal grace. My DS is competitive and wants to win but is magnanimous in defeat. I have friend who’s children behave absolutely appallingly when they lose and it’s embarrassing and ruins the other team’s experience of winning.