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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids Football sideline spat

230 replies

Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 19:27

OK- this is my first post so please be gentle.

My 8 year old DS is passionate about football. It's not just a hobby It's a passion. I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.

I would also like to add that academically my DS doesn't excel, he sits and watches all the other kids at school get certificates for maths, spellings, star of the week which he accepts no problem because his goal is to get player of the match on a Sunday.

This weekend I had a little spat on the sideline with another parent because I was encouraging my DS and he thought I was acting more like a coach rather than a parent? I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc.. all which my son loves and appreciates. He said I was bang out of order and should let the coaches do the talking. He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute) but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

AIBU to think who the f**k do you think you are?

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 01/10/2023 20:08

@fozzybear23 I've been on the sidelines every weekend for years now. Possibly it is area dependent as another poster suggested. After we trialled silent sidelines our league really supported it so parents are very rarely heard shouting anymore.

hobbitonthehill · 01/10/2023 20:09

Rugby is a game for barbarians played by gentlemen. Football is a game for gentlemen played by barbarians;

Womencanlift · 01/10/2023 20:11

My BIL coaches at school level and we hear lots of stories about parents like you.

You will be pissing the coaches off, even if they don’t/can’t say anything to you and they will be talking about you after the match

dayofcheese · 01/10/2023 20:11

TeenDivided · 01/10/2023 19:46

Very good read.

Read this and take it on board OP

whiteonreds · 01/10/2023 20:11

My ex was a semi pro footballer who didn't take the chance of going pro. When our son started playing he constantly fed back. It turned my son off. He did the same when my son took up golf, despite him knowing zero about golf. It pissed the coaches off.

I'd say when you take him out to practice just the two of you then feedback but in the team setting, don't.

minisoksmakehardwork · 01/10/2023 20:12

All I'm going to say is the gentle coaching right now is fine, but where will it stop?

My eldest son gave up football, partly because of his send needs not being met but also because at that age, there were so many competitive parents in the club he sat on the sidelines. Parents sighed and rolled their eyes on the rare time he got on the pitch because he wasn't picking up team playing skills - the kids wouldn't pass his the ball because invariably lost it. He wasn't allowed in goal as they already had 2 goalies. 2 coaches were great with him and really encouraged him. But the one who made us quit just stopped playing him even in friendly matches because they, the other kids and their parents were so competitive and needed to win.

Right now football should be for fun. A 'go on!' 'Well done X' and such is as much as the kids should be hearing. If you want to coach him, do it in private or join the club as a football coach.

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/10/2023 20:12

Other parents behaviour at children's football ruined so many matches for me. Bloody obsessed and convinced they had the next Alan Shearer and a meal ticket for like.

Keep your coaching for after the match.

converseandjeans · 01/10/2023 20:12

You need to leave the coaches to give instructions. It's not helpful for players to have a parent shouting & confuses them.

If you go to an academy level training session or match parents are expected to be silent on sidelines. Well as in not communicating with players or commenting on the match.

whiteonreds · 01/10/2023 20:13

No, don't stay silent on the sideline, but say "well done" "bad luck" "keep going"

Tulipvase · 01/10/2023 20:13

I fully understand the reasoning behind your son wanting to excel at football. My school has basically got rid of sports day to make it more inclusive (which I also understand) but I really feel for the children who struggle academically but excel at sports. They have limited other opportunities to shine.

But, your post is partly why I hate football so much.

Sunshinenrain · 01/10/2023 20:13

I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc.. all which my son loves and appreciates.

This has got to be a joke surely!
No one would admit to being so embarrassing!

The coach and other parents must be laughing at you behind your back and this unfortunately is going to affect your son and he’ll also end up getting laughed at because of your actions.

I’m guessing you either wanted to be a football player yourself or you’ve never really achieved anything in your life and so you’re trying to live through your son.

You need to stop as this is the quickest way to turn your son off this hobby.

Snugglemonkey · 01/10/2023 20:13

WeWereInParis · 01/10/2023 19:31

Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

No, not at all. But you do sound a bit annoying to be stood next to. Can't he play without you yelling instructions?

this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

Honestly? Parents like you would put me off being part of that team.

I totally agree. My child plays a different sport, but shouty sister line parents just sound like wankers. Plus, it puts pressure on tbe kids.

dayofcheese · 01/10/2023 20:14

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/10/2023 20:12

Other parents behaviour at children's football ruined so many matches for me. Bloody obsessed and convinced they had the next Alan Shearer and a meal ticket for like.

Keep your coaching for after the match.

Nooo don't leave it for after the match. Just don't do it. OP, you're a parent not a coach.

Neolara · 01/10/2023 20:14

This is Gary Linekar's view on parents on the sidelines.

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See posts, photos and more on Facebook.

https://fb.watch/npvmLZk68v/

TulipCat · 01/10/2023 20:14

My DH is a volunteer coach in our local league. He hates parents behaving like this. Imagine if all the parents did it. The coach should be the only one shouting coaching instructions, not the parents. You are a nightmare, please shut up at the matches.

Sunshinenrain · 01/10/2023 20:15

whiteonreds · 01/10/2023 20:13

No, don't stay silent on the sideline, but say "well done" "bad luck" "keep going"

He doesn’t even need to say this.

There was a thread a few months ago about an OP being upset she couldn’t go to her DDs hobby as parents were banned.

This is why parents are banned.

Let the coach do the coaching.
The parents can praise after the game.

RedSuedePump · 01/10/2023 20:16

There’s a massive difference between encouraging and coaching. parents jobs are to encourage and support the kids - coaches are the only ones who should be giving instructions during matches. my son plays football and parents that ruin matches by shouting instructions all the way through are absolute pains. the coaches hate it too btw. nothing wrong with having something like football to enjoy together though. there’s a great video on instagram at the moment with gary lineker talking about pushy football parents which hits the nail on the head.

Snugglemonkey · 01/10/2023 20:16

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 19:36

He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute)
They are 8. Chill, they should be playing for fun.

but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?
No one complained about your son wanting to win, they complained about YOU! I can't stand these parents who live through their children and make a scene on the side of the pitch. YOU are not playing, but out and, frankly.. shut up.
I am sorry to say, but your son is not Ronaldo.

Parents like you are the reasons why people take their kids away, and volunteer coaches give up.

I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.
EVERY Parent, every mum and dad standing on the side of the pitch, usually in the freezing cold or pourring rain, having travelled for miles to the match.. EVERY one support their player. It's still just a fun hobby for a bunch of 8 year old.

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.
but YOU are not part of the team. HE is. You are not a coach, you have nothing to do with anything. You being a chauffeur, and supporting quietly and privately, that's your only job.

Edited

All of this!

edwinbear · 01/10/2023 20:16

There’s a huge difference between encouraging & cheering and coaching from the sidelines.

”well done <insert name of team>”
”great goal Billy”
“fantastic save Jack”
”so close! Great effort”

All fine, that’s encouragement.

”stay on your toes”
”find the space”
”shoot!”
”pass to Steve”

Thats coaching and definitely not OK. Unless you’re an actual coach.

TheNoodlesIncident · 01/10/2023 20:16

In our trampoline club there was a sign on the mezzanine where parents could watch the lessons/sessions, which baldly said that shouting down to the kids on the trampoline wasn't allowed as it distracted the kids from listening to the coaches.

I thought "Who the hell would do that in the first place, isn't it obvious that it's not helpful?!" But clearly not, as they wouldn't have had to put reminders up. Some parents apparently do need telling!

Don't be that person OP. By all means offer encouragement but leave the advice to the coaches, it's their job. You're a spectator, that's it.

Livinghappy · 01/10/2023 20:17

I'm not the only parent cheering and encouring on the sideline in my sons team. In fact, some of the dads are a lot more vocal than me!

Talk to the coach and suggest it does need to be toned down and may be not just you. Perhaps you should record yourself to really understand your shouting and how it's hears by others.

Ilovegoodison · 01/10/2023 20:17

Completely agree.

Octobermeterreadtime · 01/10/2023 20:17

My ds swapped teams this year. Best bit for me was not having to listen to 1 particular dm micro coaching her dc... Her voice still rings in my head tbh...

HerMammy · 01/10/2023 20:18

Also a bit sad that at only 8 you've decided he isn't academic, maybe put more effort into encouraging his schoolwork instead of living through him at football.

ivegotthisyeah · 01/10/2023 20:18

Yep sorry we have a no parent speaking / shouting / coaching at my 7 yr olds matches. I get it's hard but if the child is listening to you and then maybe 2 coaches it confused
S them. Cheer and clap but no coaching ! Not your job. Parents for my sons team find it hard and have to be told several times we get a telling off 😂