Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids Football sideline spat

230 replies

Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 19:27

OK- this is my first post so please be gentle.

My 8 year old DS is passionate about football. It's not just a hobby It's a passion. I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.

I would also like to add that academically my DS doesn't excel, he sits and watches all the other kids at school get certificates for maths, spellings, star of the week which he accepts no problem because his goal is to get player of the match on a Sunday.

This weekend I had a little spat on the sideline with another parent because I was encouraging my DS and he thought I was acting more like a coach rather than a parent? I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc.. all which my son loves and appreciates. He said I was bang out of order and should let the coaches do the talking. He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute) but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

AIBU to think who the f**k do you think you are?

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

OP posts:
fozzybear23 · 01/10/2023 22:44

@EaudeJavel that's a really depressing outlook. There's nothing wrong with a little bit of healthy competition. It teaches kids to win and lose with grace. They can use this in many other areas of life too. Like it or not, kids football can get competitive especially as they get older (into the tween/teen age groups) and there's nothing wrong with that. If you don't like it don't sign your kid up for a competitive team sport.

Absolutely ridiculous to suggest that parents just want their kids to win so they can boast about it or naively believe they are going to be a professional. Definitely not the case for us, I just like to see my son doing something he enjoys, being part of a team and keeping fit. If they win or he gets some recognition it's a bonus.

This thread highlights how far removed MN is to real life sometimes. I don't think in 10 plus years I've ever attended a match where there hasn't been encouragement and advice shouted by some of the parents to some extent or another. Very normal and absolutely ok providing it's not aggressive or continuous.

Davros · 01/10/2023 22:53

OP, how much do you know about playing football? I've been a fan for 45+ years but never played. I don't think I could "coach", never mind being a pita into the bargain

Mumof2teens79 · 01/10/2023 22:56

Constant giving a kid instructions isn't going to make them a better player longterm.
They need to learn to read the game, and play instinctively without constant instruction.

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 22:57

fozzybear23 · 01/10/2023 22:44

@EaudeJavel that's a really depressing outlook. There's nothing wrong with a little bit of healthy competition. It teaches kids to win and lose with grace. They can use this in many other areas of life too. Like it or not, kids football can get competitive especially as they get older (into the tween/teen age groups) and there's nothing wrong with that. If you don't like it don't sign your kid up for a competitive team sport.

Absolutely ridiculous to suggest that parents just want their kids to win so they can boast about it or naively believe they are going to be a professional. Definitely not the case for us, I just like to see my son doing something he enjoys, being part of a team and keeping fit. If they win or he gets some recognition it's a bonus.

This thread highlights how far removed MN is to real life sometimes. I don't think in 10 plus years I've ever attended a match where there hasn't been encouragement and advice shouted by some of the parents to some extent or another. Very normal and absolutely ok providing it's not aggressive or continuous.

This thread highlights how far removed MN is to real life sometimes.

huh?? where do you think we all come from, where do you think our kids play football if not real life? The Truman Show?

What it highlights is that not everybody agrees with you, and that your behaviour that you find so interesting is likely pissing off everyone around you, but most parents are too polite to come forward to tell you.

NO ONE is disagreeing with the kids being competitive, we are talking about PARENTS. So clearly people like YOU. My kids, and your kids, don't need your coaching and your shouting. A bit of encouragement, some cheering is normal. The "side coaching" from someone too unskilled and/or lazy to volunteer to become a real coach... not so much.

Do watch that Gary Lineker video again, I can't explain it better than he did and you cannot deny he knows what he's talking about.

Oblomov23 · 01/10/2023 23:07

I'm confused by this thread. I've cheered ds1 then ds2 in football. I don't see the issue. I can't believe OP is getting such a hard time.

Womencanlift · 01/10/2023 23:15

Oblomov23 · 01/10/2023 23:07

I'm confused by this thread. I've cheered ds1 then ds2 in football. I don't see the issue. I can't believe OP is getting such a hard time.

When you cheer do you turn into Sarina Wiegman or Gareth Southgate or are you just an encouraging parent?

Cheering and shouting good job, well done is not what is being criticised. It’s the OP giving her son directions mid game when they have a coach to do that. This is what people have an issue with. Her son isn’t the only one on the pitch after all

And before it is said well this is what he excels in so that’s why she does it, you don’t see the parents, whose kids are academic, shouting through the window of the classroom while they are having a maths lesson

Ilovemycar77 · 01/10/2023 23:19

My teenage son used to ref at these grassroots type games.
He gave up after a year all because the parents on the sideline were utterly vile!
they would shout and swear at the children (some as young as 6), would swear at my son, get up to his face and tell him how effin useless he was.
it was horrific!
No £15-20 for a match was going to our way the pure abuse and performance parenting the sideline gave.
and I thought professionals were awful. Nope, Sundays at village football matches showed you everything awful you needed to see about some adults who behaved like yobs or that they thought they were better than you type.
I am so glad he is out of it now

SD1978 · 01/10/2023 23:29

I probably would have wanted to tell you to shoosh too. If you want to coach your son, join as a coach. Constant backseat coaching from over enthusiastic sideline parents is irritating as hell.

Valhalla17 · 01/10/2023 23:32

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 22:16

oh dear

You COACH a bit? Can I ask why you don't volunteer and coach the team then?

Show quote history

I do! I've also just started my FA coach training. At the end of the day, a bit of encouragement and coaching doesn't hurt and helps their development. Clearly if a child doesn't like it then fine to stop, but son always asks me what more he can do/where he can improve. He likes football and wants to get better.

Shouting and hollering no....some enthusiastic confidence-boosting comments and guidance is fine. So no need to "oh dear" me 😂

Antst · 01/10/2023 23:43

Valhalla17 · 01/10/2023 23:32

I do! I've also just started my FA coach training. At the end of the day, a bit of encouragement and coaching doesn't hurt and helps their development. Clearly if a child doesn't like it then fine to stop, but son always asks me what more he can do/where he can improve. He likes football and wants to get better.

Shouting and hollering no....some enthusiastic confidence-boosting comments and guidance is fine. So no need to "oh dear" me 😂

Show quote history

@Valhalla17, nope it is not "fine." There are pages of comments here telling you it's not fine and many schools and clubs have rules against it. YOU have decided it's fine because you want to do it. You'll be irritating everyone there. You are not the coach but your comment is full of attempts to make out you have that authority.

CountessKathleen · 01/10/2023 23:43

Your priorities are skewed. You’ve decided your son isn’t academic, and don’t seem to have considered whether this is because he’s over-invested in football and simply not taking his schoolwork seriously — you say he ‘sits back’ and watches other children achieve there and is ok with it because he is focused on winning games. Bluntly, this has to do with your modelling of priorities. Take his school work seriously, and don’t write him off aged eight. It’s nice he has a hobby, but it’s not important in the scheme of things.

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 23:45

Valhalla17 · 01/10/2023 23:32

I do! I've also just started my FA coach training. At the end of the day, a bit of encouragement and coaching doesn't hurt and helps their development. Clearly if a child doesn't like it then fine to stop, but son always asks me what more he can do/where he can improve. He likes football and wants to get better.

Shouting and hollering no....some enthusiastic confidence-boosting comments and guidance is fine. So no need to "oh dear" me 😂

Show quote history

surely as a trainee coach, you'd appreciate that the coaching is done ... by the COACH? Of course it's needed, what no-one needs are parents shouting nonsense from the sideline.

son always asks me what more he can do/where he can improve.
brilliant, no need to go into a full shouted explanation in the middle of the match though? You can tell him in your own time😂

A bunch of parents shouting conflicting information and hiding the instructions from the actual COACH, the one coaching the entire team, not just precious little Timmy, is much more beneficial. To the team and to your own child.

It's a team sport, not a background for your child and only your child to shine. No one else is admiring him I assure you!

clary · 01/10/2023 23:53

I agree with pretty much everyone else on here.

Clap the players when they do well but please stop the coaching.

DS2 played junior footy for about 12 years - he once told me it was impossible to hear what specific people were shouting anyway.

There was a mum on the sidelines who only ever started shouting when her son was on the ball - what a team player she wasn't. Don't be that mum either @Lionessmummy - cheer and clap the whole team.

clary · 01/10/2023 23:56

@Ilovemycar77 my DS used to ref too but he stopped because of the verbal abuse from the parents. It shocked me tbh as he was a teen himself and not very tall (not that it's OK to shout at a 30yo 6footer). He was a great ref too, with really good knowledge and attitude.

PrimalOwl10 · 02/10/2023 00:26

I'm a swimming teacher and had a parent trying to shout and teach over me. I firmly told him I was the teacher and he was dispruting the class. It's not acceptable behaviour op.

ForeveraBluebird · 02/10/2023 01:07

Anyone trying to coach as a parent should watch the film, There’s only one Jimmy Grimble.
Don’t be Gorden’ s dad .

DailyMailHater · 02/10/2023 01:28

We are asked not to instruct from the sideline as it can contradict what the has told them….I.E coach could have told them not to push up past a certain point and then parent is telling to move into space in front of them.

Saggypants · 02/10/2023 01:34

I recently played football myself (in a league especially for clapped out old ladiesGrin) and the thing I absolutely hated about it was the nonstop instructions from the sidelines every time the ball came near me. I couldn't hear the coach, I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing thanks to the dozen or so wannabe experts all screaming conflicting advice at me.

Please, just stop it.

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/10/2023 01:42

BakedTattie · 01/10/2023 19:32

Oh and I’d also have told you to stfu

This.

Valhalla17 · 02/10/2023 03:47

Antst · 01/10/2023 23:43

@Valhalla17, nope it is not "fine." There are pages of comments here telling you it's not fine and many schools and clubs have rules against it. YOU have decided it's fine because you want to do it. You'll be irritating everyone there. You are not the coach but your comment is full of attempts to make out you have that authority.

Show quote history

You don't know my club, or league so stop with the generalisation and judgement. I am not irritating anyone there, because as I've said umpteen times all the other parents do it for their children. It's called parenting.

Valhalla17 · 02/10/2023 03:54

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 23:45

surely as a trainee coach, you'd appreciate that the coaching is done ... by the COACH? Of course it's needed, what no-one needs are parents shouting nonsense from the sideline.

son always asks me what more he can do/where he can improve.
brilliant, no need to go into a full shouted explanation in the middle of the match though? You can tell him in your own time😂

A bunch of parents shouting conflicting information and hiding the instructions from the actual COACH, the one coaching the entire team, not just precious little Timmy, is much more beneficial. To the team and to your own child.

It's a team sport, not a background for your child and only your child to shine. No one else is admiring him I assure you!

Edited
Show quote history

Parents aren't shouting nonsense, we know/underatand the game and we know our children. The coach gives coaching guidance, sometimes not very much because it's a personality thing. Not all coaches actually say anything during the game.

Background for my child to shine??? All the kids receive our encouragement and guidance, it's not just about my child. The way we see it as parents, we are part of the team too...we are there with them week in, week out and want to encourage. If the KIDS didn't like it, we would stop...but they like having us support and give tips in game.

"No one else is admiring him I assure you!"

What a horrible passive aggressive comment.

GodDammitCecil · 02/10/2023 03:54

Valhalla17 · 02/10/2023 03:47

You don't know my club, or league so stop with the generalisation and judgement. I am not irritating anyone there, because as I've said umpteen times all the other parents do it for their children. It's called parenting.

Show quote history

What do you think is more helpful - random old you shouting stuff at your kid?

Or the coach looking at the team as a whole, and providing guidance and feedback?

Valhalla17 · 02/10/2023 03:55

GodDammitCecil · 02/10/2023 03:54

What do you think is more helpful - random old you shouting stuff at your kid?

Or the coach looking at the team as a whole, and providing guidance and feedback?

Show quote history

BOTH are helpful. You don't know our team.

GodDammitCecil · 02/10/2023 03:57

I spend every weekend on the sports sidelines - winter and summer.

Everyone calls out encouragement to ALL the kids - that’s normal, and lovely.

Parents coaching on the sideline?? Absolutely dying on your behalf. 😬🫣

But oh yes, your team is special.

Valhalla17 · 02/10/2023 03:58

OP I'm with you, do exactly the same as I've said.

Encouraging and giving advice is not a bad thing when done in the right way.

Now Im off beacuse ironically it actually feels as though parents on THIS thread are the agresssive bullies that we encounter on the sidelines every Sunday.